Chit Chat about anything..

gabriel612

Well-Known Member
Like MM, I always knew that it'd be a considerable time before Aymen could earn or contribute towards the household anywhere near as much as me. However, we also worked out a structure, working for myself we were lucky in that whilst he was only working part time in the beginning, he also worked for me, and that contributed towards the household.

Now he works full time and can get overtime plus very generous tips, he is so so sensible with money it's untrue!! He's the one who will work out what we need to save for our holidays, our plans, our weekends away. He is responsible for several of the household bills and is very disciplined with money. Unlike myself who seems to get through it like water!!

I think it's really important to set your stall out from the start, I don't just mean financially, but what's acceptable to both from the beginning, then there's no nasty surprises or loss of expectations. We need to remember that generally on the whole these men don't have a clue about running a home until they suddenly land on us, I don't think we do them any favours if we cushion them from the realities in the beginning. I can remember before Aymen came here I used to take over my bank statements when I'd go to Tunisia..lol...(and they say romance is dead!), just so that he had no illusions that life was tough, that it took hard work, that money was tight and he wasn't going to have a blissful, stress free life here. Still didn't quite prepare him, but it was a start.

Without sounding patronising towards him, money wise he's definitely matured A LOT in the time he's been here and shoulders the responsibility with me, he sees that it's OUR future it's for.

I had probs with K and money when he first came, he thought money grew on trees. When he started to work he contributed more than me as I had lost my job unexpectedly so for a few weeks we lived off his money, he was good and still is, if he has it I can have it. Then he kept saying ooh I have saved nothing all this time and I want a scooter for work and its all gone on bills. But now he is in full time work he saves hard, much better than me, he has now just bought his beloved scooter. I am proud of him as at first he wanted me to pay halves for it, I told him if he wants it he must save for it. Ha I have now told him he can now save for us both to go to Tunisia and his ILR. I have to remind him to send money home to his Mum but if we need it then he sees to our needs first. He will work round the clock if he can. He knows the cost of things here and I have told him when bills are due we share them. He is happy to contribute and loves to pay for the shopping and rarely buys anything for himself. He smokes but refuses to pay £7/8 per pack so has started to roll his own

He used to get me to sort out all his banking stuff, but he needed to get a large sum of money to pay for his scooter the other day and it was too much to get from the cash machine as I was working he had to do it alone. He went in to the bank and drew it out, he has only ever used the cash machine before and was worried what to do. When I came home I asked if he had got his money ok, he said yes and I also gave them my change of address too. I never thought of that so was pleased he had thought to do that.

If i am working late and we need anything like bread or milk he calls on his way home and gets everything. We work good together with regard to bills, shopping and cooking, he will even vacuum, but ohhh my is he a messy man. He leaves trails of crumbs everywhere, and splashes of tomato and oil over the cooker and worktops, he is a good cook but I dread the mess he leaves behind. He refuses to make the bed and leaves his clothes all over the place. I really can't stand the mess and will moan about it lots, but he just rolls his eyes and says not to NEG NEG, he says the home can't be shiny all the time. Suppose you can't have it all ways.
 

salim

Well-Known Member
Three European FEMEN before the Court of Tunis
Wednesday, May 29, 2013 11:28
aminaTrois FEMEN activists were arrested by the police on the morning of Wednesday, May 29 in Tunis after a naked outside the Palace of Justice in support of Amina, detained since May 19 breasts action. The three young women, two French and one German, according to the AFP, shouting "Free Amina" in solidarity with the Tunisian activist FEMEN arrested in Kairouan the day Congress Ansar Sharia should take place.
Clearly, the pressure rises, pending the trial of Amina to be held on Thursday. Tunisian FEMEN be deemed illegal for a pepper spray port.
For the 3 girls ; 2 are French citizens and the 3 is from Germany !
I have the picture but i don't know if i am allowed to put it here !
What do you think ladies , you give your supports to these girls or you don't agree with their act !
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
Three European FEMEN before the Court of Tunis
Wednesday, May 29, 2013 11:28
aminaTrois FEMEN activists were arrested by the police on the morning of Wednesday, May 29 in Tunis after a naked outside the Palace of Justice in support of Amina, detained since May 19 breasts action. The three young women, two French and one German, according to the AFP, shouting "Free Amina" in solidarity with the Tunisian activist FEMEN arrested in Kairouan the day Congress Ansar Sharia should take place.
Clearly, the pressure rises, pending the trial of Amina to be held on Thursday. Tunisian FEMEN be deemed illegal for a pepper spray port.
For the 3 girls ; 2 are French citizens and the 3 is from Germany !
I have the picture but i don't know if i am allowed to put it here !
What do you think ladies , you give your supports to these girls or you don't agree with their act !
Welcome back Salim, and although not a lady I hope I can comment, lol! This story is huge at the moment, why don't you post it on a news thread, and I don't see why you shouldn't include photos, I've seen them all over Facebook today. I too would be interested to know what the ladies think!
 

lynn

Well-Known Member
I had probs with K and money when he first came, he thought money grew on trees. When he started to work he contributed more than me as I had lost my job unexpectedly so for a few weeks we lived off his money, he was good and still is, if he has it I can have it. Then he kept saying ooh I have saved nothing all this time and I want a scooter for work and its all gone on bills. But now he is in full time work he saves hard, much better than me, he has now just bought his beloved scooter. I am proud of him as at first he wanted me to pay halves for it, I told him if he wants it he must save for it. Ha I have now told him he can now save for us both to go to Tunisia and his ILR. I have to remind him to send money home to his Mum but if we need it then he sees to our needs first. He will work round the clock if he can. He knows the cost of things here and I have told him when bills are due we share them. He is happy to contribute and loves to pay for the shopping and rarely buys anything for himself. He smokes but refuses to pay £7/8 per pack so has started to roll his own

He used to get me to sort out all his banking stuff, but he needed to get a large sum of money to pay for his scooter the other day and it was too much to get from the cash machine as I was working he had to do it alone. He went in to the bank and drew it out, he has only ever used the cash machine before and was worried what to do. When I came home I asked if he had got his money ok, he said yes and I also gave them my change of address too. I never thought of that so was pleased he had thought to do that.

If i am working late and we need anything like bread or milk he calls on his way home and gets everything. We work good together with regard to bills, shopping and cooking, he will even vacuum, but ohhh my is he a messy man. He leaves trails of crumbs everywhere, and splashes of tomato and oil over the cooker and worktops, he is a good cook but I dread the mess he leaves behind. He refuses to make the bed and leaves his clothes all over the place. I really can't stand the mess and will moan about it lots, but he just rolls his eyes and says not to NEG NEG, he says the home can't be shiny all the time. Suppose you can't have it all ways.
tell him check out the arab shops they always have cheap faggs and tobacco...we get royals £3 for 20 and tobacco£9 for 50 grams.
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
lynn Well-Known Member
gabriel612 said:
I had probs with K and money when he first came, he thought money grew on trees. When he started to work he contributed more than me as I had lost my job unexpectedly so for a few weeks we lived off his money, he was good and still is, if he has it I can have it. Then he kept saying ooh I have saved nothing all this time and I want a scooter for work and its all gone on bills. But now he is in full time work he saves hard, much better than me, he has now just bought his beloved scooter. I am proud of him as at first he wanted me to pay halves for it, I told him if he wants it he must save for it. Ha I have now told him he can now save for us both to go to Tunisia and his ILR. I have to remind him to send money home to his Mum but if we need it then he sees to our needs first. He will work round the clock if he can. He knows the cost of things here and I have told him when bills are due we share them. He is happy to contribute and loves to pay for the shopping and rarely buys anything for himself. He smokes but refuses to pay £7/8 per pack so has started to roll his own​
He used to get me to sort out all his banking stuff, but he needed to get a large sum of money to pay for his scooter the other day and it was too much to get from the cash machine as I was working he had to do it alone. He went in to the bank and drew it out, he has only ever used the cash machine before and was worried what to do. When I came home I asked if he had got his money ok, he said yes and I also gave them my change of address too. I never thought of that so was pleased he had thought to do that.​
If i am working late and we need anything like bread or milk he calls on his way home and gets everything. We work good together with regard to bills, shopping and cooking, he will even vacuum, but ohhh my is he a messy man. He leaves trails of crumbs everywhere, and splashes of tomato and oil over the cooker and worktops, he is a good cook but I dread the mess he leaves behind. He refuses to make the bed and leaves his clothes all over the place. I really can't stand the mess and will moan about it lots, but he just rolls his eyes and says not to NEG NEG, he says the home can't be shiny all the time. Suppose you can't have it all ways.​
kassie, A moment ago Edit Delete Report
Believe me....you are soooooooo lucky!!!:wideyed:

xx
#8724 Reply
 

gabriel612

Well-Known Member
tell him check out the arab shops they always have cheap faggs and tobacco...we get royals £3 for 20 and tobacco£9 for 50 grams.

He has tried several brands of the cheap ciggies, not brands I have heard of before but they smell and taste vile, K says they are like smoking Camels pooh.....lol he treats himself on payday to a packet of good ones, he really is good with money. He can't wait to go home to buy a supply of cigs.
 

ROULLA

Registered User
He has tried several brands of the cheap ciggies, not brands I have heard of before but they smell and taste vile, K says they are like smoking Camels pooh.....lol he treats himself on payday to a packet of good ones, he really is good with money. He can't wait to go home to buy a supply of cigs.
Hi Gabriel hope that you and your family are all well! Do you not have an Arabic coffee shop where you live as I am more than sure that your husband will find that they sell them cheaper ;)
 

gabriel612

Well-Known Member

kassie, A moment ago Edit Delete Report
Believe me....you are soooooooo lucky!!!:wideyed:

xx
#8724 Reply
Yes I am Kassie. He always told me that when he came he would look after me and pay me back for everything I have done for him and 12 months in he is still. Don't get me wrong we have our tiffs and he can throw some tantrums but mostly we are best mates, he is lovely and kind hearted. Haha he tells me regularly that I am a lucky woman to have him:)
 

salim

Well-Known Member
Hi STC :) hope you are fine ,you are right on your suggestion , i must post it on a news about Tunisia , maybe because i want to see their views ,i mean our ladies here about this subject , if they are for or against this act ! For the picture STC , i throught that i am not allowed to post them loool :D
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
Just a question.....
How would you deal with non commital to financial obligations ( of your husband) i.e. thinks it's "ok" not to contribute to everyday "expenditure"?? :confused:

xxx
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Just a question.....
How would you deal with non commital to financial obligations ( of your husband) i.e. thinks it's "ok" not to contribute to everyday "expenditure"?? :confused:

xxx
I'd want to know why first? Can't think of a single reason though that would be acceptable to me. Ok, may not be able to contribute 50/50 but proportionately he could...that's assuming he was working. If he wasn't working then I'd be encouraging him to go out there and find work and contribute.
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
I'd want to know why first? Can't think of a single reason though that would be acceptable to me. Ok, may not be able to contribute 50/50 but proportionately he could...that's assuming he was working. If he wasn't working then I'd be encouraging him to go out there and find work and contribute.
Thanks Jane
Yes....he is working.....but seems to think that the utilities etc get paid regardless....I have never asked for 50/50.....only to recognise that bills are paid.....and some recompense would be appreciated. It is so hard to get this across!!!:rolleyes:

xxx
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
Just a question.....
How would you deal with non commital to financial obligations ( of your husband) i.e. thinks it's "ok" not to contribute to everyday "expenditure"?? :confused:

xxx
Quite simply it's not ok, you say he is working so therefore contribution is essential, as Jane said maybe not 50/50 but at least proportional. He is either being completely childish or taking the pi**! You cannot allow it to continue, tell him to stump up or ship out! Not sure what answers you were expecting, hopefully we've backed up what you were thinking too, time to get tough. If he cannot do this he obviously has no respect for you or your relationship, I don't know anything about your relationship but he shows no sign of a commitment, tell him he has to pay up or move out, simples! Try pointing out what he'd have to pay living on his own, I suspect it is far more than paying his fair share with you. Good luck, I suspect you'll need it!
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
Quite simply it's not ok, you say he is working so therefore contribution is essential, as Jane said maybe not 50/50 but at least proportional. He is either being completely childish or taking the pi**! You cannot allow it to continue, tell him to stump up or ship out! Not sure what answers you were expecting, hopefully we've backed up what you were thinking too, time to get tough. If he cannot do this he obviously has no respect for you or your relationship, I don't know anything about your relationship but he shows no sign of a commitment, tell him he has to pay up or move out, simples! Try pointing out what he'd have to pay living on his own, I suspect it is far more than paying his fair share with you. Good luck, I suspect you'll need it!
Yes....just what I expected....no surprises! lol Replicates my thinking....just wanted 2nd, 3rd opinion! :rolleyes:....done everything to try and show/justify just how much it costs to "live".......the money tree in the garden has died :D....seriously....don all I can! :confused:

xxx
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
Yes....just what I expected....no surprises! lol Replicates my thinking....just wanted 2nd, 3rd opinion! :rolleyes:....done everything to try and show/justify just how much it costs to "live".......the money tree in the garden has died :D....seriously....don all I can! :confused:

xxx
You don't have to answer, but am I correct in thinking you've recently married a Tunisian guy and brought him to the uk? Unfortunately a lot of these marriages follow a pattern where the motive for marriage is not what it originally seems, on the other hand a few (tiny minority unfortunately) can be real. We are here to help if you want to share more info, but only if you're comfortable. You have friends here, if you want more advice please ask, just don't be taken for a ride!
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Thanks Jane
Yes....he is working.....but seems to think that the utilities etc get paid regardless....I have never asked for 50/50.....only to recognise that bills are paid.....and some recompense would be appreciated. It is so hard to get this across!!!:rolleyes:

xxx
It IS hard Kassie....I think a lot of them would rather just close their eyes and ears and sing la la la when it comes to the mundane paying of bills. I'm probably a bit OTT with it all in that I go on and on about it with mine. We're at that stage now where some of the household DDs are coming out of HIS bank account now as opposed to just mine, nope not 50/50, but a considerable chunk. He also now pays when we go out.

So what's he doing with his earnings then if he isn't contributing to the household? Is he saving it? Sending it back? Is this a recent thing or been like it a while Kassie? As STC says you don't have to divulge anything on an open forum if you don't want...
 

ROULLA

Registered User
Just a question.....
How would you deal with non commital to financial obligations ( of your husband) i.e. thinks it's "ok" not to contribute to everyday "expenditure"?? :confused:

xxx

Hi Kassie hope that you are well!
I have heard a lot of people complain about money problems once they are either married or live together and I am unable to understand how someone can put up with these problems to be honest with you.
I think that it is very wrong of a man to expect things for free anyway but maybe I am old fashioned in that way,
I think that I would remind those that do not contribute THAT

1. If we do not pay the rent/mortgage then we would not have a roof over our heads
and also remind them that the council tax also needs to be paid every month.

2. Without Electricity we would not be able to have light in the house or use any electrical plug points

3. Without gas we would not have hot water to wash or bath in

4. Tv licence needs paying if you intend to watch the box

5. BT or Mobiles are very easy to pick up and dial but then we have these things called bills to pay for what we use

6. Food, you need food in the cupboards and fridge unless they are on some kind of hunger strike

I think that those that do not contribute should be first shown the list of bills then when they are unable to participate in the conversation or are unwilling to contribute then they should be shown the front door..


Once they have paid for all the above or contributed then they can do what they want with the rest that is left whether that be sending it home or having their chest waxed;)
 
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