confused feeling of being used

catbou

Member
#1
Ok I've been married for 2 yrs this past oct. Thought adjustment would be on its way, he refuses to live like were married, we sleep in single beds alway same story ill buy a mattress end of yr. When he came to america the things I sent him he never brought with him he had two pants two shirt some under wear and our dvd of wedding
at first things were good like for two mos then found a guy from his home he knew ever since then sleeping apart happen, not sharing responsibility, for two yr we talked how married couple live here, he agreed on everything. Now he has his bank I have mine nothing in our name he always have excuse why not, if im lucky he pays half rent $300 any reason he pays internet his friends and family on it. I don't mind family, but when I wait for my time with him it never happens, 18-22 hrs he spent with his friend, I explain things change when ur married, ur priorities suppose to change etc. He said ok I will try then in another breath he says this how I am im not changing for no one, he doesn't do nothing around house, lays in bed on pc when he not at work, I told him I feel he's played me
and he's kept to non of agreements, now since he refuses to help when I need it car fix etc. Im forced to get a second job so im not home all week due to I have only two hrs in between jobs and live too far way goto home.
his makes my second week, he has not call me nor text to see how im doing, on my day off he spends it with someone else or sleeps all day until 6 or 8u at night goes right on pc. He said im a muslim this how it is.
im to point giving up he shows he doesn care. May we have to do papers for out two yr anniversary and were in trouble, nothing to show and no two witnesses to stand up and say yes these two lives as married couple due to he told me im nit to meet nor know his friends and he's never met mine but tells me he hates them to so my guess he's going to be deported from that alone or he's so lazy he will not worry about papers fees etc until to late by than it will be my fault. He's gets fraud marriage can he come back at later date for spouse visa? Once departed how long does he wait until he tries to come over again, I feel once he's home in Tunisia he will get a divorce even he tells me he can't with out me being there, I've heard how they send papers to family or friends and they forged. A signature.
my beliefs no divorce unless adultery he said his customs the same, I don't know what to believe from him any more its all beens lies from the start a game he enjoys playing
 

NetNiet

Well-Known Member
#2
Hi Catbou, that is a terrible situation where you're in!
It doesn't seem to be a marriage where you share things and do things together, where there is love and trust and respect for eachother. To my personal opinion it even doesn't seem to be a friendship.....

The problem is when he doesn't want to change, you will never be able to change him!
So it's up to you to decide to go tru with it or to end it.

Take care!
 

Marie1959

Well-Known Member
#3
Hun
He is not being fair and says he will not change then you need to make some hard decisions. He would rather stay with his friend and not help with the bills etc then he clearly is not being responsible. I dont believe anyone should try change a person but there are some things he needs to change regarding his behaviour towards you. If he gets deported like you sayyou think will happen then I do not believe he will be able to return but not certain, I know he is telling lies regarding divorce without you being there this DOES happen.
I am sorry you are having to go thru this hun stay strong and I hope you can change the situation soon please dont let it continue like this you do not deserve to be treated this way x
 

catbou

Member
#4
Hun
He is not being fair and says he will not change then you need to make some hard decisions. He would rather stay with his friend and not help with the bills etc then he clearly is not being responsible. I dont believe anyone should try change a person but there are some things he needs to change regarding his behaviour towards you. If he gets deported like you sayyou think will happen then I do not believe he will be able to return but not certain, I know he is telling lies regarding divorce without you being there this DOES happen.
I am sorry you are having to go thru this hun stay strong and I hope you can change the situation soon please dont let it continue like this you do not deserve to be treated this way x
 

catbou

Member
#5
Every time he turns around he's throws in my face its how it is in Tunisia, I know that's a lie my friend has a wonderful man he treats her like his queen, all plans we made were all lies to me, once his friend got in the picture.
well he knows what needs to be done, and he's hanging his own self, to be honest the way he acts makes me wonder if there isn't another woman, since he doesn't treat me like his wife he took off his wedding band. I ask where he's been before he would tell me know its why do u have to know where im at every step, which is not true.
it hurts but he's doing it all him self I've tried and tried all he does is say mean things like he gets deported he will fin someone else to bring him back, he doesn't care he gets deported, I can't be friends with ur two boys that's how it is where I come from, my boys would or should say would have gave their shirts off their backs for him, until his true colors show
no I don't want to change him but he needs to adjust I told him if I was in Tunisia I would do my best to adjust.
he changes his words so much can not believe any thing that comes out of it
yea I know he can get a divorce with out me, how can I get a copy for me to show states he divorced me it will need to be translated. Im gathering information in case. I feel he thinks he goes back I will support him since he's my husband, well knowing he can divorce me I feel he would do it and not say anything and I would be blowing my money for nothing u know him using me more than now
 

huttan

Well-Known Member
#6
I feel so sorry for you...no one should have to be treated like that.Its like living in a nightmare.You are his wife and wheres the love and the respect?No you earn so much more in your life than someone than like him.You need to get out from this marriage...before he gets you all messed up and then you dont know whats wrong or right in the end and he might turn everything around to make you think its your own fault.He should worship the ground you are walking on...and be greatful for having you in his life.What is this!?!

If it was only some trouble I would suggest a therapy for couples...but he shows clearly that he doesnt care at all...

There will always be people here to support you if you need someone to talk with...
 

Marie1959

Well-Known Member
#7
Hun if he gets deported no one should be able to get him there again if it was here in England he wouldnt get back, if he believes that the let him we will see who is correct x
 

tunisien Chicka

Well-Known Member
#8
I would have to agree with Loubna, you don't deserve this.
It most certainly is not a Muslim thing. It's HIM and his horrible mentality as not all Tunisians are like this.
You mentioned you had boys and he doesn't have to accept them. Well those boys are part of you and he knew this marrying you.
As Loubna said, if you were my friend I would tell you exactly the same. You deserve better than this and walk away. He has shown you or your family no respect, why should you continue to do the same for him. He wants you to change and understand him, well that goes both ways. His lose.
I hope you find the solution that is best for YOU and your boys.
All the best xx
 

catbou

Member
#9
I would have to agree with Loubna, you don't deserve this.
It most certainly is not a Muslim thing. It's HIM and his horrible mentality as not all Tunisians are like this.
You mentioned you had boys and he doesn't have to accept them. Well those boys are part of you and he knew this marrying you.
As Loubna said, if you were my friend I would tell you exactly the same. You deserve better than this and walk away. He has shown you or your family no respect, why should you continue to do the same for him. He wants you to change and understand him, well that goes both ways. His lose.
I hope you find the solution that is best for YOU and your boys.
All the best xx
 

catbou

Member
#10
I would have to agree with Loubna, you don't deserve this.
It most certainly is not a Muslim thing. It's HIM and his horrible mentality as not all Tunisians are like this.
You mentioned you had boys and he doesn't have to accept them. Well those boys are part of you and he knew this marrying you.
As Loubna said, if you were my friend I would tell you exactly the same. You deserve better than this and walk away. He has shown you or your family no respect, why should you continue to do the same for him. He wants you to change and understand him, well that goes both ways. His lose.
I hope you find the solution that is best for YOU and your boys.
All the best xx
 

catbou

Member
#11
Im not blaming Tunisians I have wonderful tunsian friends, he keeps telling me its how we are, I tell no its you he got upset when he kept telling me its how things. Are where I come from. Its an excuse to keep doing it.
no girls I've warned him to man up or he's going back to mummy
he's got all the rope he wants, just watched him having his self when may comes
and he can't fill out the papers cuz no proof we live like a married couple.
thanks so much every one, im amazed how much he changed in two mos. Than a again how much his front lasted, he has such a nice mum, we get along so well.
every body enjoy rest of your day/evening again thanks again I really needs those strong shoulders
 

tunisien Chicka

Well-Known Member
#12
Can you maybe call his mum and explain the situation to her? Maybe she might be able to give him a telling of and go through him like a tone of bricks! Well I hope it works out for the better for you! Chin up sweetz!! xx
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#13
I would put money on him having another woman!!!! I would try and get him out of your house as soon as possible, the marriage sounds from what you say OVER. He is making no effort to be part of this relationship so tell him to go and find his own way. I would also speak to his Mother if you get along well and explain the situation to her, and tell her she will be getting her son back!!!! Best wishes in whatever you decide...
 

MellieC

Well-Known Member
#14
loubna, sorry you are going through this, I have to agree with TMD, it sounds very OVER ~ over before it began.

he is it seems, falling back on the old "its how it is" lines that they come up with to "justify" their behaviour.

I'm not sure its another woman, not there anyway, but think he thought life would be different.

the expression "I've warned him to man up or he's going back to mummy" is an interesting one
 

Mezoo

VIP Member
#15
divorce him. get it over with....sorry :(
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#16
Im not blaming Tunisians I have wonderful tunsian friends, he keeps telling me its how we are, I tell no its you he got upset when he kept telling me its how things. Are where I come from. Its an excuse to keep doing it.
no girls I've warned him to man up or he's going back to mummy
he's got all the rope he wants, just watched him having his self when may comes
and he can't fill out the papers cuz no proof we live like a married couple.
thanks so much every one, im amazed how much he changed in two mos. Than a again how much his front lasted, he has such a nice mum, we get along so well.
every body enjoy rest of your day/evening again thanks again I really needs those strong shoulders
Hi Catbou

It'd appear that some of these guys are 'great' actors and have an immense capacity to put up and shut up till their time is right to move on/till they've gotten what they set out for in the first place. He probably didn't change in 2 months - you only saw him acting out the being false bit that possibly wasn't the real him at all.

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and you've come to the right place for support.

Feeling alone in a relationship is far worse that being on your own.

From what you've written re separate beds etc., do you think he has issues with you perhaps having more children/becoming pregnant?

And why didn't he mention the issue of your children beofre marriage and visas etc.

If he's taken off his wedding band, he doesn't want others to think he's married (try to take some pix of him without it for your dossier/case.

Sounds like he has used you - and will continue to do so for as long as you allow it. Doesn't sound like love to me at all and there's no point in hanging on to someone who doesn't want to be there.

Make life easy for yourself and don't waste any more of your time on him. Send him packing and find a real man!
 

catbou

Member
#17
He knew of my boys he's talked ton them helped them with home work over and internet no fears of me having another childmy oven got taken by a dr that lied it was needed tobe done. He doesn't want kids, he told me if I did get pregnant I would have to support it may self he will not help me and in same breathe tell me he has right to raise it, told him can't support can't do anything else. He also informed me, the child when gets older goes to Tunisia for six mos for education training, told him well that god there will be no kids form me. No child of mine will be left any where by their selves, he didn't like that one bit.
thanks for the taking pix with out his wedding band. Does any one knows what happens at the two year interview, types of questions, etc the if he doesn't pass do they hold him there at the center?
he has money for his own ticket home, would they use that to send him home?
 

huttan

Well-Known Member
#18
. He also informed me, the child when gets older goes to Tunisia for six mos for education training, told him well that god there will be no kids form me. No child of mine will be left any where by their selves, he didn't like that one bit.
NEVER heard something like that?Dont think its true at all...something he just made up...

The only thing I heard is if they take the child to Tunisia and refuse to let them return...to keep them in their care there...
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#19
Catbou did you meet him on the internet?? Hindsight is a wonderful thing, if only we had this. What do your children think of him, does he have anything to do with them?? If they are old enough I would get them to make statements too, horrible situation you are in just thank God you do NOT have any children with him..
 

MellieC

Well-Known Member
#20
hi mel

I'm not going through this lol ........................i was replying to catbou lol.

If it was me he'd be out the door quick time i guarantee you that lol

xx
sorry hun!
i was on planet zog this morning lol was reading your post at the same time as replying! today was NOT a multi tasking day lol
 
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