confused feeling of being used

MellieC

Well-Known Member
#21
lol ur so funny so much going on in that busy head of yours! Where are you these days? I hope you haven't been driving up driveways and driving down one way streets in little villages anymore lol

xx
oh gawd i do things like that reguarly lol right now im in the west mids in the UK, then back to france next week, much to my grandaughters annoyance because she will have to walk to school lol then back to the UK about 6 weeks later and no plans to return to france after that!

i've spent so much time driving on the "wrong side" of the road, i have to check where i am some days lol

i try NOT to drive up peoples driveways, and one way streets get me everytime especially in france where the raod signs are well not quite pointing in the right direction you know lol
 

catbou

Member
#22
Well I asked if he had plans this weekend he said no. So this is a wake up call by this time next week if he throws his fit of this is how it is and im not changing, this this is how it is im not happy u don't want to work at this marriage there nothing left of us and probably wasn't from the start, so guess you will be leaving than.
far as I know we both have to fill out that removing condition of his spousal visa, guess that's not going to happen than so by may 10be papers probably deporting him. Also going to let his mum know the truth of why he's coming back to live not visit.
if she could only speak english or I speak better arabic. Hubby stop teaching me
every one have a great day thanks for your support im really blessed to have a support group
 

MellieC

Well-Known Member
#23
catbou,

again, i am sorry you are going through this, I have no idea how the system works in the US, it might be worth contacting the immigration dept and clarifying the details with them, and finding out what your position is and how best to proceed.

if he is as unhappy as it appears, and does not want the same sort of marriage as you, then sadly you have nowhere to go together?
 

MellieC

Well-Known Member
#24
ah so you found a place then ? I know you were looking for a place near the sea, Cornwall or Dorset or somewhere? Do you know we love the sea too and when we get nice weather we jump in the car and head off.............cook bbq and breath the sea air...........love it. We have never been to the southwest ever and I know it's suppose to have the best beaches but it's so so far from London that puts me off. Cos when we go it's spur of the moment thing when the weather forecast is good and driving 5hrs for 2days is bit much. Oh hang on we've been to Bath that was a lovely weekend and we visited some giant caves.

Do you ever come to London?
xx
you don't know what you are missing not visiting the south west lol
will eventually settle in North Devon, but a few things in the midlands are going to tie me here for a time, family stuff.

closest i get to london used to be Heathrow lol haven't been for years, im not a city person lol
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#25
catbou you do need to contact the authorities about where you stand as he is only there I presume as your husband. You DO have responsibilities to notify them when things change.... You could always try google translate to get the message across to your MIL?!
 

catbou

Member
#26
Google will translate a letter did not know that, I've used it for couple sentences, so just write letter then high and translate???
 

catbou

Member
#27
Hey kinda figured it was bull, since everything else he talks about is way in left field
from how he talks about his schooling him and his buddies were and sill are,
when he came out he interact good with boys, then one day he said he's not playing soccer with boys anymore
I tried to explain they don't know they done something wrong he's to talk to them no,
so they hardly talk, I found out he has went out couple time for a burger came home ate it in front of them, we've been out
got him a sandwich, we don't do that any more, yes my one sons open, he's commented he's not a husband, if he is where is he? In his room on the laptop.
he told me tusiain men do not do any thing around the house?? The woman does it all, told him no I work also we work together he refuses, well he now does his own clothes lol
 

Jellycat

Well-Known Member
#28
He is acting like a lodger - doesn't sound like you have any future together so don't let him use you. If you want a lodger name sure you charge him Market rent - on second thoughts just ask him to leave ASAP. He sounds either arrogant or stupid to not even pretend to be fond of you until he gets his papers .could well have his eye on a new partner - do you ever check his Internet history, phone logs or even just go in the room and see what is on his screen . I know I would. Best of luck whatever you do. You'll get through it in time and you have your home, job and children to keep you going . Make a list of what your options are and do what is best for you .
 

catbou

Member
#29
He supposedly bought us last december a laptop when I went to go on it asked for a pass code I asked him for it he totally ignored. Me four days he danced around it, than finally said if its for us why am I not allowed on it.ended up buying my own when he's onliine I walk in room he shuts down what everyday or whom ever he's talking to also he was on my cell plan then decides he wants his own phone and plan. If I knew how to hack into his pc I would.
every possible way he made sure I can't get into any thing he also writes in french and arabic so I can't read im thinking he got someone else, so much for being a faithful muslim this he kept saying we don't believe in adultery its only way I can divorce its my belief also, then he goes onto say if adultery happens allah put it there it was our destiny to happen, I told him now that's a mans sure way of trying to say its ok to screw around but u can't do it to me if I catch u I will kill u
I asked if he bad plans this weekend were both off work im taking him way from his comfort zone and hit him with every thing see what happens if he gives me the crap he normally does he this is whom I am im not changing for u or anybody, ill talk to who I want when I want if I want to stay out late I will, im free my own man, blah blah
then I have no other choice but to turn him in they way hes been towards me and my kids thank goodness their teens
yes he's very arrogent. Self centered person I've ever known
he claims he loves me than why did I drive with no brakes for a week he wouldn't help me but his brother calls 5000it miles away need a phone boom $85 later a phone was ordered. Its his money he'll do what he wants blah blah
he told me $300 he give me covers his portion for rent he electric. Water heat food and washing clothes the I told him not even in Tunisia u find it that cheap but if I make waves he'll take the money back so I use it for half of the rent, I told him what husbands do, he said their not real men. Someone needs to knock his chip off his shoulders
Im not sure what all or how they will do things once hes reported
another thing when he came he never brought any of the stuff I sent him that was the first flag, told my kids he's probably using this as a vacation to see america then let visa runs out go back after when he got pissed he said he can find someone to bring him back, why he keeps saying he hates it here
 
C

Cas

Guest
#30
Get rid of him he`s not for you or anyone else with him having those attitudes. You know really don`t you? think you have had reassurance on here that is has to be done, then you can move on after you have drawn a line under all this and start living again.
 

NetNiet

Well-Known Member
#31
Wow Catbou I can't really understand it I have to say, how you did live like that and still do and accept all that kind off things.....
I understand that every person is different and will do it their way.
I understand aswell that with 2 persons, 2 cultures, 1 of the persons being in another coutry than he/she grew up, it's a hard work to find a way in the middle with things within a relation
But from what I read in your posts there is no relation at all between you both.
He's not even a friend for you and your children (because with that kind of behaviour I'm sure that is no friendship!), but he's living in your house, you make his food, you financially support him.....

You've tried and did hard work to make it a relation and make it work, but how do you want to do that at your own, because a relation takes 2 persons.

Please you deserve much more than this and if that is no reason for you to change the situation, than please do it for your children!
You say that they are teens, hope you realise what they see now what you're accepting from your husband, that that is what they learning how a relation is suppose to be, you're their excample. Hope you want it different for your children in the future, I'm sure you do! Hope that this will give you the strengt to do what you have to do!

And if it will take longer before he get deported, change your locks so he can't come in the house anymore. Go to your local police and inform them that you're going to do that and you expect he will make big problems and that it's possible that you will have to call them for help.

Take care!
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#32
Hi Catbou,

If you haven't already done this, perhaps a visit to your doctor to tell him/her how all of this is making you feel and then it is on record.

Also perhaps visit a relationship counsellor - your hb probably wouldn't go but don't think it'd do any harm to speak to a professional to have everything down on record - perhaps makes your case stronger.
 

catbou

Member
#33
Well he does not like me talking to other Tunisians, he said their liars I looked at him said yea I know that mr Tunisian man
he said they will tell me bad things not true etc,, told him well ur not being honest and I know bull when I hear it so whats best way to find out talk to people from same country, what do they have to loose, they do not know me, so no connections.
then he blew my mind he said their all gay you do know that.
wow!!! Too bad no one knows his family that would really get his blood going.
to be honest I wonder what his parent would say they know he got deported from his own doings
he told me he's telling mum im deporting him, he also said he's going to do what he did in his interview in Tunisia lie he can get by, he keeps telling me he's a good person their not deporting him cuz were having some bumps.
this weekend the talk we had it was a nice time for once,but im already very cautious about him.
he so much like his da,told him why do u think ur mums unhappy she's lives like my mum
It was how it was back than this is 20011 things change, woman are allowed to use their brains, they have a voice here in america and no one will beat them, kill them, etc. Why do u think usa has a high rate immigrants. That are woman
because here their free to say no I don't like it and I don't have to do it
so we will see, also me working long hours, we don't see each other much.
he got another interview for a second job, it all about money, he sure doesn't like idea I make more money than him
yes I mention about marriage counseling trying to see if I can find someone from another culture so they understand what he trying to say and explain, mind you he talks very good english and write. I think his way of thinking he keeps acting he's back home. At this point any things possible. Yes will talk also to a medical dr
I want to say I've done my best at the end. Also I have my cultural back ground which put him and my father together would think third twins, I ran most my life from men like my da and look what happend, I married someone almost just like him
 

MellieC

Well-Known Member
#34
hes just changing tactics to get you onside for what HE wants ~ you probably are going to put up with this and let him carry on this way, and for as long as he choses to stay around thats as good as its going to get!

sorry but THATS the bottom line!!!
 

NetNiet

Well-Known Member
#35
I totally agree with Mellie, he changed his tactics, because he felt that you were serious about getting him deported, so he gave you a little bit what you want......a nice talk, he let you believe he listened........(yes again nor talking offcourse and no doing).....but look what happend....he did very well, you did eat his fish ;-)

Because you write:
so we will see, also me working long hours, we don't see each other much.
he got another interview for a second job, it all about money, he sure doesn't like idea I make more money than him
yes I mention about marriage counseling trying to see if I can find someone from another culture so they understand what he trying to say and explain, mind you he talks very good english and write. I think his way of thinking he keeps acting he's back home. At this point any things possible. Yes will talk also to a medical dr
Sounds to me like you're giving it a go again....so he did win, just by letting you believe that he was listening.....
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#36
Well he does not like me talking to other Tunisians, he said their liars I looked at him said yea I know that mr Tunisian man
he said they will tell me bad things not true etc,,
he's forwarning you here that the things said will be bad so that when you do hear them, you'll think he is right and they are wrong - reverse psychology!

told him well ur not being honest and I know bull when I hear it so whats best way to find out talk to people from same country, what do they have to loose, they do not know me, so no connections.
then he blew my mind he said their all gay you do know that.
And if it were true, his point is?

wow!!! Too bad no one knows his family that would really get his blood going.
to be honest I wonder what his parent would say they know he got deported from his own doings
he told me he's telling mum im deporting him, he also said he's going to do what he did in his interview in Tunisia lie he can get by, he keeps telling me he's a good person their not deporting him cuz were having some bumps.
He'll tell his family what he wants them to know - and blood is thicker than water! You'll be the bad one but I'm sure you can live with that. I'd try and record what he's saying about lying whether admissable or not, somewhere along the line, someone will listen to it.

this weekend the talk we had it was a nice time for once,but im already very cautious about him.
And stay cautious! Sounds like he's going to try to sweet talk you to get to where he wants to get to next of all and you will be left high and dry - hope you can see this.

he so much like his da,told him why do u think ur mums unhappy she's lives like my mum
It was how it was back than this is 20011 things change, woman are allowed to use their brains, they have a voice here in america and no one will beat them, kill them, etc. Why do u think usa has a high rate immigrants. That are woman because here their free to say no I don't like it and I don't have to do it
so we will see, also me working long hours, we don't see each other much.

And as long as you continue to work and 'keep him in the style to which he has become accustomed', he's going to let you do it. He's a poor excuse for a man quite honestly. It probably suits him that you don't see each other a lot - you work and bring in money for him to live the life he wants!

What about you in all of this? What do you really want? You know deep down that he's not going to change so are you waiting for the inevitable to happen when he's in a stronger position?


he got another interview for a second job, it all about money, he sure doesn't like idea I make more money than him yes I mention about marriage counseling trying to see if I can find someone from another culture so they understand what he trying to say and explain, mind you he talks very good english and write. I think his way of thinking he keeps acting he's back home.

Doesn't matter how good his English is, counsellors should see through this hopefully if they are good enough

At this point any things possible. Yes will talk also to a medical dr
I want to say I've done my best at the end. Also I have my cultural back ground which put him and my father together would think third twins, I ran most my life from men like my da and look what happend, I married someone almost just like him =quote]

And this very oftern happens are we are attracted/drawn to the same types!

Can I ask what is your background Catbou?
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#37
Catbou,

I've been on this forum for a few years now and unfortunately have read about and followed stories about things happening to women in relationships with Tunisians.

They warning signs were all there, but everyone thinks their partner is different and that they will change. 'If I love them more', they will change. If I buy them this, they will change. If I do this, they will change. No matter what you do, they will not change deep down. They have a goal in mind and you are just helping them along their way.

Love doesn't come into this at all. That word is just used to achieve their goal. And for the women who accept this it's called not having respect for yourself to put up with and not walk away from a life like your living.

And these women give them the benefit of the doubt very often even after being humiliated, spat upon, hit, used, verbally and emotionally abused, and cheated upon. And usually left without much money as well.

These abusers are not going to change.

The pattern is already set in your case - he's shown his true colours.
 

newtosousse

Active Member
#38
Catbou,

His behaviour is more than enough evidence, it is up to you what you do next. As a Grenadian friend of mine says, if someone shows you who they are in the day, you don't need to wait until it gets dark to have a look at them.
 

FoxyRoxie89

Well-Known Member
#39
Is HE gay?
 

catbou

Member
#40
Nowhe that one I've been questioning due to he on line with his not so called best friend when he's not working for 12 -18 hrs at times, when the dude first showed I asked who he is, was told some stupid guy I went to school with, he never graduated from school, unreliable, untrustworthy. Now all of sudden their best friends and I call him his ***** excuse my language. Due to all the time he spends with this dude, it should be my time and time he spends with me should be his turn, after all their not allowed to date over there, and always with their buddies so any things possible.
 
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