Debts and bankruptcy in Tunisia?

shona

Member
#61
The £400 is for his aunt, whom he owes £2,000. I've said no a dozen times, but he doesn't hear it. In his view all problems can be solved with money, and even better if it is my money! I feel like if I were to go see the house, it would be like selling timeshares - you know where you get promised a free holiday if you agree to sit through a teeny-weeny presentation and the whole trip turns into a hard sell? ;)

The house is in Kairouan, and I'm currently in Sousse. I presume we would drive, but it is still too far to go when I'm feeling dicey about the whole relationship. He's working for the next week, which I also think is why he wants me to stay another 10 days. His contract ends at the end of next week and wouldn't it be nice and tidy for him to get a ride home with his European fiance to show off around the village!

Yes I do need to get a flight, and if Essem has the number for an office in Sousse that would be fantastic.
Sorry just read the rest of the thread, so retract my last comment, still finding my way round this forum x
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#62
M
Is there any chance???? It's being built so you can be married? Do Tunisian men not have to provide a home before marriage,
In theory at last they are supposed to do so before marrying a Tunisian. In this case I should think, as with any marriage to a foreigner, there's more chance of the desert turning to ice and the camels coming skating home.
 

Gotcha

Member
#63
:( How do u stop these stupid adverts coming Up? they cover peoples post so I can't read what 'shona' wrote
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
#64
:( How do u stop these stupid adverts coming Up? they cover peoples post so I can't read what 'shona' wrote
Bottom left of the page, try changing style, either default or Tunisia 2014, that may help
 

lovesarrow

Well-Known Member
#65
Wow Gotcha - that is quick thinking! Good for you. It sounds like he had already said some things that had registered on your bullshit radar, and so you were already thinking he might not be telling the truth. If you had paid for 3 weeks' rent on your apartment that he was already living in, was he pocketing the rent money you paid him?

Anton - thank you for your comments about building. I think the construction industry is very different in Tunisia than it is in the UK, but you've given me some food for thought anyway. :)

Shona - no problem. It was actually nice that someone thought he may be doing it for legitimate reasons. That doesn't happen a lot on here ;)
 

lovesarrow

Well-Known Member
#66
In case anyone finds themselves in a similar situation, I can now say 10 days after the fact (which feels like a couple of years) that I did the right thing in coming home. Being with my family and friends means that I have a lot of support - not all of it positive, mind you - and it does keep me from sticking my head in the sand. Being here also means that we can't go out for "dates" to talk things through, and he can't tug on my heartstrings in quite the same way by text or on Viber. That emotional breathing space is hugely valuable in this situation.

It has also put the burden on him to sort this out for himself. I have told him that I will not even consider applying for a visa for him while this is still ongoing. To be honest, it has put a deadline on our relationship too. He needs to sort this out before I will even consider being in a relationship with him. I have told him that I am done with trips out to see him in Tunisia. In fact, unless I see progress and change, this relationship is fast approaching its sell by date.

Of course there are other emotional issues - has he deliberately lied to me? Will he lie to me again? Am I just a meal ticket to him and his family? They are all there in the mix. They're added extras to deal with after the material issue of his debt. Coming home - although expensive, upsetting, and really f*cking rough on me and my plans - has given me space and time to think.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#67
In case anyone finds themselves in a similar situation, I can now say 10 days after the fact (which feels like a couple of years) that I did the right thing in coming home. Being with my family and friends means that I have a lot of support - not all of it positive, mind you - and it does keep me from sticking my head in the sand. Being here also means that we can't go out for "dates" to talk things through, and he can't tug on my heartstrings in quite the same way by text or on Viber. That emotional breathing space is hugely valuable in this situation.

It has also put the burden on him to sort this out for himself. I have told him that I will not even consider applying for a visa for him while this is still ongoing. To be honest, it has put a deadline on our relationship too. He needs to sort this out before I will even consider being in a relationship with him. I have told him that I am done with trips out to see him in Tunisia. In fact, unless I see progress and change, this relationship is fast approaching its sell by date.

Of course there are other emotional issues - has he deliberately lied to me? Will he lie to me again? Am I just a meal ticket to him and his family? They are all there in the mix. They're added extras to deal with after the material issue of his debt. Coming home - although expensive, upsetting, and really f*cking rough on me and my plans - has given me space and time to think.
Sometimes you have to distance yourself, physically.....to see things more objectively...it's so easy to get wrapped up in their way of thinking sometimes that that physical withdrawal is almost like a quick slap across your face....lol.

Hope things work out for you LA, I'm sure your mind and head are all over the place right now...time and distance...xxx
 

Gotcha

Member
#68
Wow Gotcha - that is quick thinking! Good for you. It sounds like he had already said some things that had registered on your bullshit radar, and so you were already thinking he might not be telling the truth. If you had paid for 3 weeks' rent on your apartment that he was already living in, was he pocketing the rent money you paid him?

Anton - thank you for your comments about building. I think the construction industry is very different in Tunisia than it is in the UK, but you've given me some food for thought anyway. :)

Shona - no problem. It was actually nice that someone thought he may be doing it for legitimate reasons. That doesn't happen a lot on here ;)
I just felt all along that something wasn't right - and I was right LOL

Yes, seems I paid him for the privilege of staying in his apartment with him.

Also, I'm fairly certain now that he never owned that house and if I'd hung around any longer (he was talking about marriage) he would have been asking me for help financially with the building, so that we could live in his non existent house after we got married :rolleyes:
 
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lovesarrow

Well-Known Member
#69
Gotcha - how long were you two together? Did you feel that something wasn't right form the start, or did the feeling grow on you?

I can't believe the balls of your ex - making you pay his rent and lying about it.
 

Gotcha

Member
#70
Gotcha - how long were you two together? Did you feel that something wasn't right form the start, or did the feeling grow on you?

I can't believe the balls of your ex - making you pay his rent and lying about it.

Pffff.... they all do it, I think they learn it in Bezness school :meh:
 

lovesarrow

Well-Known Member
#72
I understand - it's very hard to stay open-minded in light of your experience and the experience of others here on this forum.

I'm beginning to wonder if they just lose their way at some stage, or whether they start out with these ideas. We all make it through the first flush of love in a relationship with these guys, so when do they decide to switch into b*stard mode?
 

Gotcha

Member
#73
Gotcha - how long were you two together? Did you feel that something wasn't right form the start, or did the feeling grow on you?.
I think it started quite early on, it was just a little niggle at the back of my mind but my feelings were so strong and there was no definite reason for the niggle so it stayed small and I tried to ignore it.
Honestly, I don't know what was going on, I've never been one to let my heart rule my head but it was like my head stopped working and only a tiny little part of me realised this. My whole personality seemed to change and I don't know why ?

I guess the niggle must have got bigger with time and in the end I stopped the relationship but I still 'felt' the same and it was hell for a long time. It was after I broke it off that I found out about all the lies and also other women who he had also been lying to.
 

Gotcha

Member
#74
I understand - it's very hard to stay open-minded in light of your experience and the experience of others here on this forum.

I'm beginning to wonder if they just lose their way at some stage, or whether they start out with these ideas. We all make it through the first flush of love in a relationship with these guys, so when do they decide to switch into b*stard mode?
They were always b*stards, they're just good actors at the start to get you hooked
 

lovesarrow

Well-Known Member
#75
I think it started quite early on, it was just a little niggle at the back of my mind but my feelings were so strong and there was no definite reason for the niggle so it stayed small and I tried to ignore it.
Honestly, I don't know what was going on, I've never been one to let my heart rule my head but it was like my head stopped working and only a tiny little part of me realised this. My whole personality seemed to change and I don't know why ?

I guess the niggle must have got bigger with time and in the end I stopped the relationship but I still 'felt' the same and it was hell for a long time. It was after I broke it off that I found out about all the lies and also other women who he had also been lying to.
That's the hard part - our feelings don't change. We're still attracted to them - there's still chemistry. That's why I came home early, because there is no way I could think straight while I was close to him. I also wanted a clean break - so I could make my own decision about whether to stay together.

I know you got the document translated which is how you found out about the rental agreement on the flat. Were there other things he had lied to you about to? How did you find out about the other women?
 

Gotcha

Member
#76
That's the hard part - our feelings don't change. We're still attracted to them - there's still chemistry. That's why I came home early, because there is no way I could think straight while I was close to him. I also wanted a clean break - so I could make my own decision about whether to stay together.

I know you got the document translated which is how you found out about the rental agreement on the flat. Were there other things he had lied to you about to? How did you find out about the other women?
Are you a member on TLR ?
 

Gotcha

Member
#78
It's just I don't feel comfortable posting some things publicly cos it would make me recognisable to my rat and you can't pm here. If you log on to TLR and pm me there I will be able to talk more freely
 

lovesarrow

Well-Known Member
#79
It's just I don't feel comfortable posting some things publicly cos it would make me recognisable to my rat and you can't pm here. If you log on to TLR and pm me there I will be able to talk more freely
OK I will do. Do you use the same name on TLR?

(I also don't understand why you can no longer PM on here. I used to use that function all the time!)
 

Gotcha

Member
#80
Oops, won't let me type the secondpart, seems it's rude :D
 
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