Divorce - about to or have divorced a Tunisian

[Rachel]

Hello all,

I am married to a Tune :-( and we have a daughter who is 3 years old. I have been married since 2007 and we got married in Tunis.
The time has come after a long fighting struggle to keep everything together to divorce.

he has been here on a spouse visa from 2009 to 2011 and he couldnt be bothered to sort him self out financially to apply for his ILR in Aug 2011 when it expired so he went back off to Tunisia ... before he left he was meeting up with YOUNG girls whilst I was out at work earning money for 95% of the bills and he would pay only what he could be bothered too.
We were not on speaking terms when he left in the November 2011 and didnt speak to each other till February 2012, when we decided to give it one last and final shot - FOR OUR DAUGHTER - he applied for another 2 year spouse visa in Aug 2012 and it was granted in December 2012. He come back to the UK in Jan 2013 only for the problems to start all over again - being agressive, not wanting to spend time with me or his daughter, unwilling to help financially, unusual behaviour, smoking weed etc etc etc
he even had the cheak to tell his friends i was always taking his money off him as soon as he got paid... he hardly give me anything!!
He had been back less than 5 months we had an argument and he has packed his stuff and left on the 26th May 2013 ... i have only seen him once in 4 weeks and that was only just by chance. He has sent me a message on facebook asking if he could see our daughter and I said NO .... he couldnt be bothered to spend time with her when he was with us .... why bother with her now... she is not a toy he can pick up and put down whenever he feels like it. He has not helped with anything financially towards her ... i was lucky to get what I did for the household bills.

Things only changed since we got married .. it was like he turned into a vicious animal ... but you know rose tinted glasses and all that kept me going.

I am wanting to apply for a divorce but really dont know where to start.. I have read loads of things on the internet that has made me quite anxious especially as we have a child together. I have been issued with a prohibited steps order from the courts here in the UK and I am aware that this is "nothing but a piece of paper" in Tunisia with the different laws ut at least it protects her here in the UK. She does not have any kind of passport and has never been to Tunisia at all and I have no intention of taking her there what-so-ever ... harsh on his family I know but this is all because when she was very young we had an argument and he told me that he would take her to tunisia and I would never see her again - I just WILL NOT take the risk!

The last place we resided together was here in the UK for 5 months before he left -

Does anyone know any good honest solicitors in the Tunis Bardo area that will be able to assist with a divorce and how much should this cost? also any information on the process would be fab!

Thanks for reading

 

[Rachel]

To make matters even worse I dont know where he is living here in the UK so cannot provide any address for him! Also his family keep contacting me as they are fully aware of the situation and my intentions ... his mum does not want us to divorce at all .. all the stress that her son is causing is making her very ill. So i am trying to do this without getting his family too involved, both his sister and his brothers wife have both told me I would be better off without him. His mum has disowned him because of his behaviour as he has brought shame on his family. She told him when he come back to England that she did not want him back in Tunisia unless it was with me and our daughter for a holiday.

Just want evertything finished with ive wasted enough of my life on this good for nothing bad piece of work.

 

[salim]

Hi Rachel , feel sorry about your story , if your life together loose the reason to wear on , so choose your safe life with your daughter! why you don't like to divorce him in the uk ?i

 

[Trulymadlydeeply]

Rachel you know my views on this already, all I'm saying is I'm glad you have finally come to your senses. As the last place you both resided together was here, this is where you need to divorce. Once you have the divorce papers they just need to be registered in Tunisia where you married. You do need to let the authorities know that you are no longer together, as he is on a spouse visa. You also need to give the prohibited steps order to your daughters nursery if she attends one, that way if he tried to take her they will not allow him too.

 

[salim]

Rachel you know my views on this already, all I'm saying is I'm glad you have finally come to your senses. As the last place you both resided together was here, this is where you need to divorce. Once you have the divorce papers they just need to be registered in Tunisia where you married. You do need to let the authorities know that you are no longer together, as he is on a spouse visa. You also need to give the prohibited steps order to your daughters nursery if she attends one, that way if he tried to take her they will not allow him too.

Totally agree TRL , well said , she must divorce him in the UK for the best of her daughter

 

[Essem]

It's been a long time coming Rachel but glad you've found the strength to end this farce.

You can never make up the time you lost with him but you can make the most of your future now that you've made the decision to divorce and move on.

Good luck.x

 

[Rachel]

thanks for all your advice .. ive just got to the point where enough is enough and I cannot put up with anymore.
so if I see a solicitor here in the UK when I get my papers through I just need to send them to the embassy in Tunis or do I have to go to the place where we got married with translated documents? .. I have already sent a letter to the home office here advising that he is no longer living with me.
thanks again

 

[Jane BM]

Hi Rachel, sorry to hear your news, however it seems that the right decision is being made by you. From what I can gather you need to send your finalised divorce papers to the municipality where you married.

Make sure that everyone knows that you have a prohibitive steps order so that he cannot take your daughter, you're right, it doesn't seem to be worth the paper it's written on once in Tunisia, remember also that even though she doesn't have a passport he can get one for her from the Tunisian embassy without either your permission or knowledge.

Nice that he's seems to be reacting stereotypically true to form in threatening to take your daughter!!! Jerk!!! They sure know which buttons to push and put fear in you!!

Sounds like this has been a long time coming, best of luck to you with your divorce and putting this piece of work firmly in the past!!

I'd also let the UKBA aware of the prohibitive steps order and the threats he's made, as they don't seem to be in any rush or do anything to anyone as far as revoking their visas prior to ILR!!!

Good luck. Xx

 

[maynardlynne]

To make matters even worse I dont know where he is living here in the UK so cannot provide any address for him! Also his family keep contacting me as they are fully aware of the situation and my intentions ... his mum does not want us to divorce at all .. all the stress that her son is causing is making her very ill. So i am trying to do this without getting his family too involved, both his sister and his brothers wife have both told me I would be better off without him. His mum has disowned him because of his behaviour as he has brought shame on his family. She told him when he come back to England that she did not want him back in Tunisia unless it was with me and our daughter for a holiday.

Just want evertything finished with ive wasted enough of my life on this good for nothing bad piece of work.

sorry but i had to laff, ive heard this before. bull sh**t their famillies dont care what goes on as long as its not in their faces in tunisia.. wishing you and your daughter the very best. CHIN UP x

 

[Trulymadlydeeply]

I agree maynardlynne it's more to do with saving face, they don't actually like the thought that their sons are in the land of "money" and failed as a husband/father...l

 

[lauren1988]

hi, im after a bit of advice, iam married to a tunisian guy but we have been seperated for 2 years and i want to divorce him he is here in uk and he is nw illegal as his visa expired earlier this year. i have no information as to where about he is living apart from his telephone number! and also i have met another tunisian man and we have now began a relationship, so i now want to get my divorce sorted but i dont know what to do as ive been told both me and my new partner can be arrested in tunisia for our relationship and also even if i get my divorce here i will still legally be married in tunisia, so my first question is why would i still be legally married in tunisia and what do i need to do so that im not legally married in tunisia, and what do i need to do about getting a divorce here with no information about where he is?
i did contact ukba but was told i have no right to change or update his status on his visa, all i tried to do was notify them we no longer together

i hope someone can help im so stressed with it all

 

[Trulymadlydeeply]

Hi Lauren and welcome to t.com. You did right by notifying ukba did you put it in writing? If not I would so again and keep copies as legally you are still his sponsor! They aren't very quick in cases like this either so don't hold your breath for a response. Yes you are still legally married in Tunisia even after a divorce here in the uk.. So technically if you and your new partner were in Tunisia you could get in trouble with the police. How they would find out I don't know but I'm just saying you could if they did..!!!! Not sure how you would get a divorce if you don't know of his whereabouts my advice would be to go and see a solicitor. Is your new partner here or in Tunisia?

 

[lauren1988]

hi thanks for your reply. my new partner is tunisian thats why i worry. are the solictors in tunisia expensive??

 

[Trulymadlydeeply]

Is he living here or in Tunisia, if he's there he will be able to get prices for solicitors. Having said that if you divorce in Tunisia usually they want you both there especially if you instigate proceedings. On the other hand he can divorce you there without your knowledge..!!! Difficult situation I'd seek professional advice.

Once bitten twice shy comes to mind

 

[DARK ANGEL]

Hi Lauren , sorry to say your situation is difficult , why did you spend 2 years before taking your decision to get the divorce , if he don't live with you so get your divorce , i advice you to check a solicitor in the uk before as he live illegal there then you can see how you can deal with this case , if you don't have any chance so try another one in Tunisia , for the cost between 150£ and 200£ as i remember not fix price !

 

[Leesa]

Hi I'm just hoping someone can help me, I got married to a Tunisian man in sousse, it was June last year. We met in January and it was a bit of a whirlwind hasty decision. After we got married and I returned to Tunisia his attitude had changed completely. He took money from my purse, locked me in the apartment we were staying in because I didn't want to visit his family (which is how he expected us to spend all our time at his family's house, most of which he spent in a different room with his brother) and he in General became more possessive and controlling. I've been a controlling relationship before and I wasn't prepared to go through it again. I tried to give it a chance for a couple more months but he took great pleasure in winding me up and when I would get angry he would just laugh. In November last year I accepted I had made a big mistake and married someone I didn't know, now I'd started to know him properly I no longer liked him - never mind loved him! I called him and told him it was over and that I wanted a divorce. He has told me the only way I can get a divorce is to return to Tunisia which isn't going to happen! I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on where I go from here? I only have a translation of my marriage certificate and he still has my birth certificate which he never returned after he had organised the wedding. I can't afford to see a solicitor and they have now stopped legal aid if you are employed. He has never visited the uk and I believe his reason for marrying me was so he could reside here. He still attempts to contact me regularly but his only way of doing so at the moment is through my work and I have changed my hours so he often can't get hold of me. I'm hoping that he will be the one to divorce me when he realises he isn't going to get what he wants. I have no assets, I don't own my own home, I have no savings and my wages only just cover my bills. Is he entitled to anything? Thank you

 

[Jane BM]

Hi Leesa

Sorry it didn't work out for you.....seems quite a familiar tale though Im afraid where people seem to rush into marriage. They're very good at helping you get swept away with the fairytale and all that!! Reality can come with a big bump.

Least you've made your decision before he managed to get here then, or god forbid, children became part of the equation. Personally I'd let him sort the divorce out, as you married there and he hasn't entered the UK then I'm not sure whether you could actually divorce him here, hopefully someone will be able to confirm this one way or the other. You CAN go to Tunisia though to start divorce proceedings. Depends how desperate or how quickly you want to divorce. With a bit of 'luck' he'll want the divorce himself once he realises it's over and if his intention is to get out of the country he's going to want another wife/victim....he won't be able to remarry as his BC will show him as being married.

As regards your BC you can just request another one from your local a Registry office. As for him being entitled to anything of yours, let him try....lol...can you really see a court in the UK demanding you give him x,y and z? Especially as you've never lived together as a married couple here in the UK? nor has he made any contributions towards your household. It'd also cost him money to pursue that too....personally in your situation that's not something I'd spend too much time worrying about.

 

[Trulymadlydeeply]

I agree with Jane would like to add, what a lucky escape, thank God you came to your senses!!! Let him do the divorce.

 

[Kris]

Hi Leesa,

Firstly i hope you are ok and well done for making a quick decision and not giving in.

Since it does not look like you registered you relationship in the UK nor did you habitually reside here with him you will need to divorce him in Tunisia.

The bad news it that you will defiantly need a solicitor but the good news it would be much cheaper and faster than the UK.

Normally in Tunisia you have two contracts 50/50 assets after wedding or you keep yours you keep mine.

You should have known which one you signed.

Either way its the man who is supposed to support the woman in Tunisia and with no asset in Tunisia no children and the fact you have not lived with each other means I doubt he has any leg to stand on.

You could probably get married in the UK but you would be a bigamist if he registered the marriage in the UK at a later date.

My suggestion is save up some money keep your passport etc and flight tickets (to prove you have not been with him) and then call someone like Ramzi (details on the right hand side of this website) who is a court translator and works with a lawyer who can tell you what you need to do and an idea of the costs involved.

It will still be hundreds of pounds but not thousands and thousands like in the Uk where good lawyers are 300£ per hour+

From all the guys divorcing their english wives when they are in the UK I thing you may not even need to go there (correct me if i am wrong)

 

[Leesa]

Hi Leesa

Sorry it didn't work out for you.....seems quite a familiar tale though Im afraid where people seem to rush into marriage. They're very good at helping you get swept away with the fairytale and all that!! Reality can come with a big bump.

Least you've made your decision before he managed to get here then, or god forbid, children became part of the equation. Personally I'd let him sort the divorce out, as you married there and he hasn't entered the UK then I'm not sure whether you could actually divorce him here, hopefully someone will be able to confirm this one way or the other. You CAN go to Tunisia though to start divorce proceedings. Depends how desperate or how quickly you want to divorce. With a bit of 'luck' he'll want the divorce himself once he realises it's over and if his intention is to get out of the country he's going to want another wife/victim....he won't be able to remarry as his BC will show him as being married.

As regards your BC you can just request another one from your local a Registry office. As for him being entitled to anything of yours, let him try....lol...can you really see a court in the UK demanding you give him x,y and z? Especially as you've never lived together as a married couple here in the UK? nor has he made any contributions towards your household. It'd also cost him money to pursue that too....personally in your situation that's not something I'd spend too much time worrying about.

Thank you for your reply, yes it was a bit of a daft thing to do, I should have put more thought into it and realised that you can't know someone enough to marry them in a few weeks. I think these men are very manipulative and even the most clued up person can lose their head a bit with the right charm offensive. He calls constantly and says he's in love with me and I've broken his heart, I just tell him it's impossible because he doesn't even know me.
Thank you for your reassurance, I've heard all kinds if rubbish about what he's entitled to, someone even told me he could claim half my wages. I'm not going to Tunisia again, I agree with you that he will probably divorce me when he realises that I'm not going to change my mind. I think he will want to divorce me as soon as he meets someone else. I think I'll just let it lie for now. I just wish he would stop pestering me especially on my work number!