Divorce - about to or have divorced a Tunisian

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Thank you for your reply, yes it was a bit of a daft thing to do, I should have put more thought into it and realised that you can't know someone enough to marry them in a few weeks. I think these men are very manipulative and even the most clued up person can lose their head a bit with the right charm offensive. He calls constantly and says he's in love with me and I've broken his heart, I just tell him it's impossible because he doesn't even know me.
Thank you for your reassurance, I've heard all kinds if rubbish about what he's entitled to, someone even told me he could claim half my wages. I'm not going to Tunisia again, I agree with you that he will probably divorce me when he realises that I'm not going to change my mind. I think he will want to divorce me as soon as he meets someone else. I think I'll just let it lie for now. I just wish he would stop pestering me especially on my work number!
Never mind, we all live and learn. Not a chance can he claim half your wages!! I wouldn't stress about any of it right now...and HOPEFULLY once the summer season arrives with the increase in female tourists, who knows, maybe he'll give up with the phone calls. For the time being just avoid all contact as much as you possibly can. Good luck Leesa.
 

Leesa

New Member
I think my decision is made for me when it comes to the financial side. I definitely can't afford to even contemplate going back for a divorce. I took out a loan to go as many times as I did last year, it'll be two years until that's paid off! It's not doing me any harm to stay married, it affects him more then me. It was a 50/50 marriage contract and it has never been registered in the uk. I don't have any plans to get married in the future! I'm blocking all his calls at the moment, the only way he can contact me is through work but we have caller display so I've stopped answering. I hope he will get bored soon when he realises I'm not going to answer. Sometimes it worry that he was genuine and I've hurt him and it makes me feel very guilty. His reaction proves otherwise though because a genuine person would have given up by now.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
I think my decision is made for me when it comes to the financial side. I definitely can't afford to even contemplate going back for a divorce. I took out a loan to go as many times as I did last year, it'll be two years until that's paid off! It's not doing me any harm to stay married, it affects him more then me. It was a 50/50 marriage contract and it has never been registered in the uk. I don't have any plans to get married in the future! I'm blocking all his calls at the moment, the only way he can contact me is through work but we have caller display so I've stopped answering. I hope he will get bored soon when he realises I'm not going to answer. Sometimes it worry that he was genuine and I've hurt him and it makes me feel very guilty. His reaction proves otherwise though because a genuine person would have given up by now.
When you start to feel slightly guilty, just remind yourself how it all changed once you were married, how he'd goad you, take money out of your purse lock you in the apartment and all the horrible ways he treated you. That should cure you!! Imagine having to live like that with someone 24/7 never mind every couple months when you'd go over !!
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
Sounds like you've had a lucky escape Leesa. His controlling and manipulative behaviour would only have gotten worse had you accepted it.

All too familiar a tale as Jane said but it's refreshing to read your decision to get out now. Too many women put up with this and worse in the hope that they can change these men/or unrealistically that love will conquer all when all they are doing living in denial/avoiding the truth of their situation.
 

Leesa

New Member
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Sounds like you've had a lucky escape Leesa. His controlling and manipulative behaviour would only have gotten worse had you accepted it.

All too familiar a tale as Jane said but it's refreshing to read your decision to get out now. Too many women put up with this and worse in the hope that they can change these men/or unrealistically that love will conquer all when all they are doing living in denial/avoiding the truth of their situation.
I can't help but laugh thinking that he probably thought he had it all sewn up, what really made it clear to me was the fact that after we got married and he'd paid for the wedding he instantly thought I was going to pay for his visa. He told me he'd paid for the wedding and now it was my turn because he had no money. After I told him it was over then he told me he would pay for his own visa. We had rows in the past about the fact he had an Internet cafe next door and could skype me, he said he couldn't afford it though. Now he's bought a computer and got the internet at home, he's tried to skype me a few times but I've just blocked it. I'm so mad with myself because u should have seen the signs before, but yes it could have been a lot worse. He had wanted to try for a baby straight away but then he slipped up and said it would make his visa application go smoother. He wasn't very clever!
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
How has he managed to buy a computer? Does he work? (sorry if I missed this?)

Don't beat yourself up about it, you did what you did with an open heart but you've seen the light now and done what is best for you.

And a baby wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference to a visa application - shows you how clever he really is, like the majority of them, full of bull sh*it and coffee shop 'truths' :rolleyes: like old sweetie wives.

Good for you for having enough respect for yourself to walk away at this stage.
 

DebbieZebbes

Active Member
HI Leesa, sorry things didn't work out for you, sounds like you've had a lucky escape though.
You don't need to register your marriage in the UK for it to be recognised here. If you married legally in Tunisia then you are also legally married here in the UK. Therefore, if you want to, you can divorce hubby from the UK and don't need to go back to Tunisia to do this. There is some information on international divorce here http://www.divorce.co.uk/divorce-advice/international-divorce
 

Leesa

New Member
Yes he has a job as maintenance in a hotel. His family have also got a shop. I think they must have a bit of money because they paid for the wedding which was big and lavish, they also paid for his brother not to go in the army. That's what mahes me feel the most guilty because if he is genuine then it's a costly mistake. I'm gutted now that I'm still married in the uk! I was hoping I could just forget about it. I'll have to hope he divorces me because I haven't got the money to divorce him. I'm not planning to get married again in a hurry. As long as he can't claim anything in the meantime. I was also told he could claim compensation from me for breach of contract. He'd have to find me first!
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Yes he has a job as maintenance in a hotel. His family have also got a shop. I think they must have a bit of money because they paid for the wedding which was big and lavish, they also paid for his brother not to go in the army. That's what mahes me feel the most guilty because if he is genuine then it's a costly mistake. I'm gutted now that I'm still married in the uk! I was hoping I could just forget about it. I'll have to hope he divorces me because I haven't got the money to divorce him. I'm not planning to get married again in a hurry. As long as he can't claim anything in the meantime. I was also told he could claim compensation from me for breach of contract. He'd have to find me first!
Leesa it doesn't matter where in the world you marry....if you're married, you're married....lol.

Why would you feel guilty? Why would you think he was genuine? Why could it be a costly mistake? Didn't you say this guy locked you in your apartment? Stole money from you? Started to treat you differently and controlling you?

I hope you're just having a weak moment, because I'm sure you know deep down you've had a seriously lucky escape...things would have deteriorated rapidly. Remember you don't really know this guy, you married quickly and probably if you counted the actual time you've been together it's not equated to more than a few weeks. Yet his true colours still showed.

Don't feel guilty, feel very very lucky that you saw through him as quickly as you did.

Don't know who's talking to you about breach of contract etc etc...however given your situation, whoevers talking to you is talking out of their rear end....sorry!
 

Leesa

New Member
Leesa it doesn't matter where in the world you marry....if you're married, you're married....lol.

Why would you feel guilty? Why would you think he was genuine? Why could it be a costly mistake? Didn't you say this guy locked you in your apartment? Stole money from you? Started to treat you differently and controlling you?

I hope you're just having a weak moment, because I'm sure you know deep down you've had a seriously lucky escape...things would have deteriorated rapidly. Remember you don't really know this guy, you married quickly and probably if you counted the actual time you've been together it's not equated to more than a few weeks. Yet his true colours still showed.

Don't feel guilty, feel very very lucky that you saw through him as quickly as you did.

Don't know who's talking to you about breach of contract etc etc...however given your situation, whoevers talking to you is talking out of their rear end....sorry!
I was just hoping because it wasn't registered here that I was only married in Tunisia but that's very wishful thinking lol. I don't feel guilty about him but more about his family, they seemed very genuine and nice and kind. I think sometimes it is just weak moments though. The rest of the time I think why would his family encourage him to marry a woman who's basically a stranger from another country when he could have a nice Muslim woman? He is good looking, had built his own house and has a reasonable job. I'm sure he would be considered quite a catch over there. He got married at 30 which is quite late, I wonder if he's been waiting to meet a European woman? The other signs were there but I only realised with hindsight when I had a bit of time away from him to think.
His previous girlfriend was a German tourist
He met me because he deliberately broke the lights in the hotel room me and my friend were staying in then hung around outside so when I went out to go to reception he was waiting (something I only found out after we were married)
He talked about love and marriage after a matter of weeks
He was very quick to let me pay for things if we went out. Not a lot but for a meal or a few drinks or a night out, he never said thank you it was just expected. If an Englishman behaved like that then I wouldn't stay with them. He might not have had a lot of money but he could have bought a coffee now and then!
He seemed to take it as a given that after we were married he would live in England
Although out wedding was quite a big affair it was nothing like if he had married a Muslim woman, when I really look back on it a lot of time was spent taking photos. Even our first dance was staged because he said he was to shy. He then told me at a later date that when we applied for his visa at least they could see we had a good wedding!
It's easy to see all this now, when he phones in tears or gets his mum too then I doubt myself. The worst part of it all was I had doubts about him when I got married but I felt like I couldn't say no because it'd gone to far and I was on my own. He's phoned all my family, friends and workmates now and given them a sob story about how devastated he his and how he married me for love and not money or a visa. They've all fallen for it and think I'm a heartless ***** and should have given him a chance. But my husband is very childish as well. At first it's endearing because you feel like you want to protect him and he isn't the sort of man who is just out for himself. It's also very very annoying. He will call me and repeat the same things over and over again. I wish I hadn't been so naive and talked to other people in the same situation first!
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Hindsight is a wonderful thing Leesa, and no point beating yourself up about it now. I think if you read what you've just written, and see it in black and white, I think you know deep down the kind of man he was.

Don't be fooled into thinking also that his family were unaware of his plans either!! That's the really tragic part of a lot of these stories. It's not just the men who lie to you and have an ulterior motive, very often the family are in it to. It kind of beggars belief.

It doesn't matter what he tells other people, you know you've done the right thing, it's your life to live, not theirs. It's probably because they are totally unaware of the depths some of these men can go to...let's be honest, unless you're very familiar with both Tunisia and Tunisian men it is a totally alien concept to most people that this really, seriously genuinely goes on. Unless directly affected by it a lot of people are very naive to it all.

Put it down as a learning curve;)..a moment of madness. Concentrate on getting your feet back on the ground and becoming financially solvent again...lol...don't give him a thought. Sounds to me like it won't take him long to find someone else and then he'll initiate a divorce. He has his plan for Europe!!! Here's hoping he doesn't find it too easy...
 

daffodil

Well-Known Member
Hi Leesa....

I have read your story with interest...I want to tell you that you have had a very very lucky escape....

Your husband had a plan and it almost worked !! Now he will soon try another way and you will Not have to worry about divorcing him..he will do that when he needs to and he most certainly will in the future.....

You have no plans to remarry so dont worry about any of that for now...just celebrate the fact you are away from this man, cos your life would of been hell ...trust me i know....

Your family Leesa, they can not possibly understand the situation....the reason for this is they will be looking at your marriage with Western eyes and Western values..This can not be done im afraid....Unless a person knows the culture and the mentality of most of these Tunisian men....they can never understand...

Leesa whilst it is true to say you rushed into marriage quickly with this man...do not beat yourself up about this either...I knew my husband over four yrs before i married him...i spent weeks and weeks living with him in Tunisa...still he turned into a man i hardly recognised when he ccame to the UK...yes with hindsight the signs were there somewhere....but we all know hindsight is a wonderful thing dont we?

Your husbands family are fake too.....hard to believe, for us here in the West ...but it is how the game is played im afraid, and often with great success...

Leesa concentrate on yourself now....put it down to experience...

You have your whole life in front of you...when you meet another man and if you ever contemplate marriage in the future ...well then it will be easy to find out if you are still married etc to this man....but im guessing this is not an immediate thing you have to worry about...

I also want to assure you that this man has NO claim on any of your assets, earnings etc etc..in fact it is his duty as a Tunisian husband to support you...Is there a chance of that happening ..i dont think so:rolleyes:

Take Care and every time you have a doubt about if you have done the right thing....remember his bad behaviour...you dont lock someone in an apartment , you dont steal money from them, you dont expect them to pay for all...thats not love.....He is a controlling bully !!! hhs behaviour would of got worse....

Daffodil xx xx
 

Mezoo

VIP Member
Hi I'm just hoping someone can help me
people here can
Sometimes it worry that he was genuine
he was not
:)
call Ramzi (details on the right hand side of this website) who is a court translator and works with a lawyer who can tell you what you need to do and an idea of the costs involved
pretend this is just another trip as would be if it was not OVER. go to bizerte, see ramzi, you'll love it and get this done now (maybe april better weather) kris has gave you best advise. ramzi his attorney will assist you with integrity and honesty. spend the money now get it done and you will visit bizerte tunisia again one day. promise
 
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Jane BM

Well-Known Member
people here can
he was not
:)

pretend this is just another trip as would be if it was not OVER. go to bizerte, see ramzi, you'll love it and get this done now (maybe april better weather) kris has gave you best advise. ramzi his attorney will assist you with integrity and honesty. spend the money now get it done and you will visit bizerte tunisia again one day. promise
I wouldn't waste my time or money if I was her by going over there to start divorce proceedings. I'd leave it all to him. He'll want one quicker than she will.
 

Mezoo

VIP Member
I wouldn't stay married "anywhere" if it was over. the law of unintended consequences and such. :)
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
Good riddance to rubbish, if the truth be known your wedding was probably funded by another girlfriend on the go..!! They have many and go for what they see as the best option. Turn your back on it and concentrate on getting your life back on track.
 

daffodil

Well-Known Member
What is that..??? Never heard of it....the law of unintended consequence..
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
I wouldn't stay married "anywhere" if it was over. the law of unintended consequences and such. :)
Of course it's always preferable to have everything 'done and dusted' if possible. However as he's never set foot in the UK, for her to instigate divorce proceedings in the UK would be extremely costly...plus we have divorce laws here where it's not quite as cut and dried to get a quick divorce in such circumstances.

Much better to either go to Tunisia to instigate the divorce if she's in a mad rush to get one, or leave it to him, let him pay for something....I've a feeling he'll be ready for another wedding before Leesa is...:confused:
 

Leesa

New Member
I hope he meets someone else pretty soon because he's driving me mad calling me. I work in a taxi office and so I have no choice but to answer the phone and he's calling constantly. The other girls that work there are getting fed up too. I don't think he's got anyone else lined up at the moment. It's been 3 months now, I thought he might have given up. Unless I win the lottery though I can't be the one to instigate the divorce. I will just wait it out, at some point he'll have to give up. I think he just doesn't believe me that it's over and thinks I'm having a tantrum. He left me a voicemail saying he's going to wait till I change my mind, he knows I love him deep down and that he thinks people have been telling me bad things about Tunisian men to put me off him! He said I'll never meet another man like him. I hope not!!
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
I hope he meets someone else pretty soon because he's driving me mad calling me. I work in a taxi office and so I have no choice but to answer the phone and he's calling constantly. The other girls that work there are getting fed up too. I don't think he's got anyone else lined up at the moment. It's been 3 months now, I thought he might have given up. Unless I win the lottery though I can't be the one to instigate the divorce. I will just wait it out, at some point he'll have to give up. I think he just doesn't believe me that it's over and thinks I'm having a tantrum. He left me a voicemail saying he's going to wait till I change my mind, he knows I love him deep down and that he thinks people have been telling me bad things about Tunisian men to put me off him! He said I'll never meet another man like him. I hope not!!
See Leesa.....you've already got your sense of humour back....lol:p

He will be persistent after all he's invested time and a little money with the wedding in you. So don't expect him to just stop calling yet, you need to steel yourself for that. Summer season is round the corner though!!
 
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