Does anyone have anything supportive to say about young Tunisian men?

curly

Member
#1
Hi Everyone,

I am new here, I have recently returned from my first visit to Tunisia, sousse to be precise. I fell in love with the place.

I went with absolutely no expectations of meeting someone infact quite the opposite, but I did meet a guy. I am 27 and very independent and have my head screwed on tight! I am completely aware of the horror stories you hear about European girls and Tunisian men. Therefore on my return I did some research, and all I have come across is negativity, seriously are they all awful??? every one of them???

So far my man has not asked me for any money or gifts, he just wishes for me to return to see him, his English is not fantastic but we talk over skype on the webcam sometimes 3 times a day if we r both free (we both work) Several times we have had the LOVERAT discussion, to the point where we have both cried. I asked for advice on another forum and I felt like I was being ridiculed and taken the mic out of for even thinking about dating a Tunisian when what I really needed was bit of support.

I know alllll the negatives, but if you read enough, basically everything he does or doesnt do means hes a RAT!

So im asking if anyone has any good experience of young, tunisian men???????? or any advice for me??

and yes he is in animation!! lol
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#2
Hi curly and welcome to the forum.. Unfortunately the odds are stacked against it being "genuine" especially as he is an animator. BUT some have worked out so hopefully someone will be on soon with their story..
 

gem15

Well-Known Member
#3
HI Curly, I've read your story on the other forum and I hate to say his behaviour is typical of what they call a "rat". Just keep your wits about you and I'm not saying this as a bitter person who has been there done that as im married to a tunisian and living in tunisia with our little girl. I know of quite a few successful relationships with tunisians but animators are ones to be careful of.

Whatever you decide to do good luck and I wish you well.
 

Jillimom

Well-Known Member
#4
I have been married to my Tunisian husband for almost 15 years (I am American) and we live in Tunis with our 3 children. I believe he is one of the very good ones. We met in the US and married within 3 months so kind of a different situation but still...I heard all the bad stories too. I am glad I went with my heart because I definitely made the right choice.

So to answer your question, they are not ALL bad but the same story has been told a thousand times of women meeting Tunisians on their vacations, especially animators, and well, the majority end up badly. Please don't think you are being attacked here, just given fair warning. If there are no red flags yet then by all means proceed with caution and maybe on your next trip here you can get to know him better. ;)

I too wish you well.
 

curly

Member
#5
I have been married to my Tunisian husband for almost 15 years (I am American) and we live in Tunis with our 3 children. I believe he is one of the very good ones. We met in the US and married within 3 months so kind of a different situation but still...I heard all the bad stories too. I am glad I went with my heart because I definitely made the right choice.

So to answer your question, they are not ALL bad but the same story has been told a thousand times of women meeting Tunisians on their vacations, especially animators, and well, the majority end up badly. Please don't think you are being attacked here, just given fair warning. If there are no red flags yet then by all means proceed with caution and maybe on your next trip here you can get to know him better. ;)

I too wish you well.
Thankyou, yes very different situation, i am being very cautious, he is either a very very good actor or he is truthful! I am visiting again at the end of this month where we will have a week just me and him so I will see!
I do not feel attacked by your comments, i appreciate good advice, what I got before on the other site was basically ridicule!
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#6
Hi Curly, I'm married to an ex animator...shock horror!!!!been together nearly 5 years, Been married to him for 3 years, most of the time happily. Get a bit sick of the whole animator/avoid like the plague advise to be honest. Animators DO have a shocking reputation, but then waiters/hotel staff/cafe workers in fact anyone who comes into contact with tourists really are no better.

Don't know your story, there ARE successful relationships with Tunisians, but yes they are few and far between....with good reason...because most of the guys DO have an ulterior motive.

It's very early days yet for you to know one way or the other, just because there have been no requests so far for anything doesn't mean they won't come. Just a few things to think about....

Please please please take it slowly, don't rush into anything just because you have distance between you.
Don't accept being treated any differently than you would be if it was a guy you'd met down the road.
Don't let it consume your life, continue with you life, as you did before you met him.
Always listen to your gut instinct and try not to kid yourself.
Do listen to others advise, they only have your best interest at heart.
Keep your feet on the ground at all costs.
IF you do pursue this, it will be a long long hard road before you can be together permanently, it'll be both financially and emotionally crippling, nothing will prepare you for this, but this is not a reason to rush the relationship along.

Best of luck..xx
 

curly

Member
#7
Hi Curly, I'm married to an ex animator...shock horror!!!!been together nearly 5 years, Been married to him for 3 years, most of the time happily. Get a bit sick of the whole animator/avoid like the plague advise to be honest. Animators DO have a shocking reputation, but then waiters/hotel staff/cafe workers in fact anyone who comes into contact with tourists really are no better.

Don't know your story, there ARE successful relationships with Tunisians, but yes they are few and far between....with good reason...because most of the guys DO have an ulterior motive.

It's very early days yet for you to know one way or the other, just because there have been no requests so far for anything doesn't mean they won't come. Just a few things to think about....

Please please please take it slowly, don't rush into anything just because you have distance between you.
Don't accept being treated any differently than you would be if it was a guy you'd met down the road.
Don't let it consume your life, continue with you life, as you did before you met him.
Always listen to your gut instinct and try not to kid yourself.
Do listen to others advise, they only have your best interest at heart.
Keep your feet on the ground at all costs.
IF you do pursue this, it will be a long long hard road before you can be together permanently, it'll be both financially and emotionally crippling, nothing will prepare you for this, but this is not a reason to rush the relationship along.

Best of luck..xx
This is the 1st positive thing I have read.

Your advice is fantastic and that is my plan, I will not be rushing into anything right now, it is the very beginnings, but after reading some of the stuff I questioned even returning once. But I will go and re evaluate on my return.

I did not question anything he did until I started reading, but like i said, if you read enough everything they do or do not do is a negative, ive stopped reading now, this was my last attempt to see if anyone had any positive or constructive advice and I have found that here.

I am yet to find anything negative online about him, there are others at the hotel where he works that have been 'exposed' and I know this just might mean he is very clever but we will see!!

One other question I do have is about religion, he does not appear to practice (as in pray/ramadan etc.) does this mean hes a bad boy?

Thanks again for your advice
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#8
Hi Curly,

Sorry I don't know your story
It's such a shame that many Tunisian men are tarred with the same brush but I suppose many Tunisians think all European women 'are the same'.

As long as you are aware of what goes on, you'll be able to asses things as your relationship progresses. I know several couples who have successful relationships, although they are in the minority, it can work.

I wouldn't say that because he doesn't pray that he's a bad person. He's possibly just more open minded about religion. Many, of course, return to their religion and praying when they become married.

Just stay focused, keep your wits about you and remember they cry like they pee so don't take much notice of the tears;)
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#9
This is the 1st positive thing I have read.

Your advice is fantastic and that is my plan, I will not be rushing into anything right now, it is the very beginnings, but after reading some of the stuff I questioned even returning once. But I will go and re evaluate on my return.

I did not question anything he did until I started reading, but like i said, if you read enough everything they do or do not do is a negative, ive stopped reading now, this was my last attempt to see if anyone had any positive or constructive advice and I have found that here.

I am yet to find anything negative online about him, there are others at the hotel where he works that have been 'exposed' and I know this just might mean he is very clever but we will see!!

One other question I do have is about religion, he does not appear to practice (as in pray/ramadan etc.) does this mean hes a bad boy?

Thanks again for your advice
Just bear in mind all that's been said though Curly....it is a big risk you're taking, and realistically sadly you'd be in the minority if it is successful. As I've said I've been with mine a few years but I absolutely couldn't tell you what's round the corner...I don't get complacent and I don't predict where I'll be in 10 years time...lol...but then again who can!!

As for the religion....a lot of problems arise very often once these guys are 'settled' in a relationship or when they leave Tunisia and set up home with you. Many who seemingly have never been religious suddenly become religious!!!! It then can lead to disputes and conflict within the relationship if you're not a Muslim. My husband IS a Muslim, however I think I've married the only Muslim man who's incapable of even doing Ramadan....lol....so as yet we've not really faced any issues regarding our separate faiths...should he suddenly 'find his religion' well, I don't know how I'd feel about that, it'd depend on how it impacted on our lives and relationship.
 

missmetal

Well-Known Member
#10
Hi Curly,

My story is almost identical to Janes, except my hubby was not in the hospitality industry at all, he was still studying.

My hubby's mate was an animator and openly admitted to playing around, but when he met his wife it was all hands off. Sadly...she cheated on him and he's had a hard time with the divorce. She tried a few times to get him to come back even after the divorce, but cheating is hard to get over.

In terms of the signs and all that. Well, for me I did provide some minimal financial support to my hubby as well as bought him gifts (mainly cos i hated his fashion sense LOL), no more than I would with a BF here. I was financially stable enough to take the risk and give him $100 a month. But I would never have done that if I could not afford to. So dont get into debt for anyone. I still had to decide for myself if he was rat or not. He could have been but my gut told me otherwise and if I had listened to all the signs that they say makes him a rat, then i might not be married by now.

Bottom line for me is that my relationship is currently in a good place. Who knows down the line and even if he does end up with a tunisian girl. I dont think there's a girl in the waiting for him back home. i honestly think we would end our relationship because its run its course and we're no longer good together.

In terms of religion, this has been a bone of contention in my relationship. Im pretty liberal and vocal about organised faiths. my hubby was not practicing when i met him and when we got serious he started to pray again. Living with a practising muslim has its challenges. His mates who used to drink also got serious when they got married and the one mate was a lot more extreme in his practice and assumed he could convert his athiest wife. wrong!

Now, there is no compulsion and you have to want to convert for yourself, but lets face it when you're pressured daily, you might do it so hes off your back, kinda thing. I know of many muslims outside of their countries or raised over here and they're more easy going with their faiths. My hubby spends time watching preachers and all sorts of stuff im sure im not gonna like...plus his view on stuff and understanding of stuff is so scewed. It does create arguments if you have a strong opinion.

What I like about his practice tho, is that he does not drink. Im like a 2 a yr drinker on occasions, so this suits me. He is also very respectful, and I can use his religion to keep him in line :)

I have no interest in converting, but I do love relogious debate and theology so I have a broad knowledge about it.

Best of luck
 

Delia35

Member
#11
Hi Curly,
I'm married to an ex animator. But he was and is a hairdresser so would only work for the summer season.
We will have been together for 4 years in August and married for nearly 14 months. He's not a stereotypical Tunisian. He is a fantastic husband. We share house keeping jobs; ie washing up, cleaning, cooking. He and I got together whilst I was on holiday. However I didn't give him in an easy ride to begin with. I aired with huge caution despite being head over heels. I refused to get engaged when he was ready to. I finally got engaged 15 months after we met and totalling 12 weeks of time together in Tunisia; phone calls every night; Skype; texts etc. I had met his family and friends. Plus my parents had flown out to meet and vet him.
We married inTunisia with all his family and friends plus my family present. The visa process was extremely traumatic and stressful. After nearly 11 months married his spouse visa was granted. He flew home with me on 14.2.14. It's not been an easy road. But I wouldn't change a thing as he loves me and I love him. Ps: he's 10 years younger than me.
 

Salsa Girl

Active Member
#12
Hi curly, I would just like to add to all the other helpful comments that this forum is well rounded and gives lots of information on many subjects relating to Tunisia, There are many forums about Tunisia and especially tunisian men lots and lots in many different languages, all to share their experiences good and bad I have had the most horrendous time with my tunisian fella and would say to anybody yes... check out all the information out there. If you go on a forum where hundreds of women have had their heart broken some get beaten up some lose their home and their money you will NOT find the answers you maybe looking for ... I know because I have been in your position . It is important that women understand everything about the possibility of a bad tunisian guy whatever forum you visit ... my inlaws have been very supportive and I still keep in touch And finally to answer your question YES I think there are good young tunisian men out there but the ones I know like their country and would not want a relationship with a non muslim European woman with a different culture .!!!! I wish you all the best in your relationship tunisia is a great little country keep safe and enjoy :)
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#13
There are lots of lovely Tunisian young men out there ones who work hard for little money and support their families and try their best in a diabolical economy to make a stab of life.

But to earn money you would not choose hotel animation, one could say unless it's the only job you can get the best "perk" of doing that job is meeting a hot/rich foreigner.

If the guy is 18 and doing the job for his cousins/friends dad who owns the hotel there is an explanation as hey who does not want a fun job and a bonk. But if the guy is 25+ and been doing it for years ?????
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#14
There are lots of lovely Tunisian young men out there ones who work hard for little money and support their families and try their best in a diabolical economy to make a stab of life.

But to earn money you would not choose hotel animation, one could say unless it's the only job you can get the best "perk" of doing that job is meeting a hot/rich foreigner.

If the guy is 18 and doing the job for his cousins/friends dad who owns the hotel there is an explanation as hey who does not want a fun job and a bonk. But if the guy is 25+ and been doing it for years ?????

Just to correct my above post a bit "But to earn money you would not choose hotel animation"

Thats actually a bit incorrect

What you do is have between 4-8 woman on your roster of patrons

Don't ask for much say 100-150 dinars a month from each so for the price of a mobile phone contract they can have a "love" and don't feel used.

That there is approx. 400-800 dinars which = about 1000 dinars a month inc wages + gifts

Once you meet another one which is a better bet than one of the ladies you have on the roster you have to drop them. But you dont drop them via simply leaving them no no you go for a big request ill mum, brother in debt....military service etc etc. This will either get her to pay up or get lost. You can always just come back later as women are a bit starry eyed and believe in true love.

Over the summer things can be a bit hectic but with sound diary management you can have a nice time with lots of sex and presents, one ship leaves and another arrives.

With good looks and practice one should be able to pull in 2000 dinars a month+ and bump this up significantly with gifts.

There is no need to leave Tunisia... until you start to get a bit older (the foreign tourists like them young and sexy mostly) or your not pulling in the big bucks or indeed hit the big one the divorced/rich older woman with house who can pay the whole tab and get you a visa/house car.

Its not evil its entirely pragmatic and why in the UK you see many hot stuff 25-30 year old girls with 40 + year old guys. Why go hungry and moral.... when you can bonk all day and cash in!
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
#15
Some good advice here, and yes some examples of successful relationships, but we have seen countless examples that are not genuine, and afraid to say it is highly unlikely your guy is genuine. They are consummate actors and very willing to play the long game to reach their goal. I'm afraid I'm something of a cynic and always advise people in your situation to run for the hills! I was out last night and chatting to a bunch of animators, nice guys but without exception they were all playing the game with several women, and all had the goal of marriage, visa, money...all were quite willing to sacrifice a few years and all said the long term goal was to return to Tunisia with their riches and find a nice young Tunisian Virgin to marry. I know the scene very well but have to admit even I was shocked by their attitudes. Whatever you decide keep your wits about you, but I honestly don't hold out much hope for long term happiness, sorry
 

mrsmannai

Well-Known Member
#16
hi there Curly :) my husband is also a fantastic man, loving, caring, respectfully, polite, in other words quiet normal ;) he is practicing islam, in the mosque every day, and Ramadan as a highlight of the year. we have a perfectly normal marriage, with ups and downs like all others. it all comes down to te respect, but as Jane BM said, take the advices given, think, but dont let it scare you. as long as your eyes is open, i am thinking nothing bad can happen. we all have no guarantee for the future, nomatter where the people we love come from. all the best for the future and God bless
 

lynn

Well-Known Member
#18
I would never marry from a different country or culture again .
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#19
Are you assuming you will divorce then Lynn?
 

feefad

Well-Known Member
#20
Hi curly, I've been with my ex animator for 8 years, married 7 of those with a happy 3 year old. Had I found these forums before I married him I don't think I would have even went back the first time. I would agree with other comments though and watch out for any warning signs as I know a lot of people who have for bitten. When you return try not to bring any gifts even unasked for as it means you're setting expectations that you're not a purse. Some of these guys are great actors. As with any relationship with someone from a different culture, at times the cultural differences can feel enormous. Before getting serious have the chats about the future and all it entails, the good and the bad. My husband was a party animal when I met him but now no longer drinks and prays all his daily prayers which has an implication on the social life we used to enjoy together. I still love him to bits and having our daughter has changed out lifestyle a bit anyway but he doesn't like to be in situations where people are drinking and does his best to avoid if he can which I used to find tough. It may sound trivial and easy to accept but it's a total change of lifestyle almost overnight. I still go out with friends and family but he's not a part of that social aspect anymore. Also another sweeping generalisation but tunisian men can be very hotheaded and stubborn which can clash with my very stubborn streak. These have been the negative aspects from my side and thankfully the hotheaded bit is the exception for is rather than the rule but we're happy. Don't rush or be pressurised into anything serious too soon. Take your time and if it's real he'll go at your pace.
 
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