heart broken

B

Bunny girl

Guest
#1
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Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#2
Hi BG,

So sorry to hear this. Alarm bells should be ringing loud and clear.

Are you sure he's not now showing his true self? This 'normal' self of his was, perhaps, all an act and has been to get to where he is now, in line for a visa.

When he said what he said about you ruining his life etc. what was your response?

From previous examples on here, when a partner is/has been and continues to be abusive, then that won't change when and if he gets here. sounds as if things are not happening quickly enough for him. It invariably ends in disaster, usually more so for the woman.

And, if you're feeling scared when you're with him, run a mile. This is control and emotional abuse. He'll sense this in you and use it to his advantage. Making people feel scared is a serious issue and usually a sign of controlling behaviour which we've seen often on here and which seems to be a trait of the Tunisian male population. Controlling behaviour usually gets worse not better and can really undermine the good things in a relationship, it's a good sign that you're facing up to it and not ignoring, denying or excusing it.

No one should feel scared or intimidated by the person they love.

Has he done military service? The reason I'm asking is that his attitude it sounds a bit like 'knock them down then build them up' - basic army (and sometimes sales) training to put you under pressure to always try your best.. make you feel pain that you will notice is only mental.. and then build you back up by showing you that all hard work pays off . Sounds like he's trying to push you to your limits, scare mindset really, and trying to break you mentally, a bit like knocking down an old house after screaming abuse and spitting at the front door, then they can rebuild it however they like.

The Japanese believe the worst thing you can do is take away someone’s pride. Americans seem to thrive on doing it; at least those who believe they have any kind of power over someone else.

If someone REALLY loves you, they won't treat you like he is doing.

Divorce him as soon as you can.
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#3
I have ruined his life..... Bullshit you got married you did not shoot him.

No he has ruined his and peaked too early showing his true self. Better now than in your house and you with a child etc.

Look through the stories on this forum nearly all the problems start when the husband comes to the UK and finds out life is no as easy as they had hoped. He did not even have the common decency to stop being a **** until he got the visa.

Help him find who is is again by dumping him. He may grovel and so some crocodile tears but I give you 70-90% probability after a few weeks of this he will become nasty > then nice again like nothing happened back and forth.

Its only going to get worse how can you be annoyed with each other like this when your not even living with each other!!!!

People talk like this after 10 years of marriage and x kids not newlyweds living in other countries. I am not nice my wife is a moaner but she is not scared of me (I hope lol) she chases me about when mad! But for the first years it was lovely dovey vomit inducing happyness.

Once he gets here your responsible for him.

Put is down as a life lesson and adventure and move on your better than this it was fun...you deserve better

PS My Tunisian male friends are heros loving men who struggle every day to put food on the table, the advice above applies to any man from any place pulling manipulative **** like that get rid
 

DARK ANGEL

Well-Known Member
#4
Completely agree with Essem , if someone loves you he will never hurts you or treats you like that ! so please rethink about your relationship with guy ,how he will treat you in case he comes to the UK , lives in the stress !!!!!!!so i am pretty sure he will be more violent with you , so hun use ur mind , ur safety come first , divorce him as soon as possible !
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#5
Sorry to say but I do agree with what others have said. It would be easy to make excuses for him and say that he is obviously under stress at present, but life is full of stress and his would probably be even more so if he gets to the UK. Do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to ensure your husband doesn't get upset or stressed? It is certainly a sad situation for you, as you were looking forward to spending your life together and probably still love him, but surely it is better that you have seen this side of him now before he actually gets here, as it would be far harder then for you to get out of it. As DA has said, your safety must come first.
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#6
Remember he has made you so worried you have joined an internet forum to ask?

Only you know what happened but normally people who do this know the answer and are looking for confirmation.
 

DARK ANGEL

Well-Known Member
#7
well said Kris, wish God help her to see the full image and make her descison for her best future life!
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#8
Spoilt little brat is what he is. He hasn't got his visa, aaaah what a shame! What's the best thing to do? Work out a plan for the future to be together. NO. Let me tell my wife who I am supposed to love and cherish that I HATE her and she's ruined my life!!!! WTF arse hole! Well ruin it that little bit more and dump him from a great height!!!!!
 

missmetal

Well-Known Member
#9
I agree and echo what everyone else has said mate. Classic abusive tactics here....and seriously, do you want to see just how bad he can get when he's actually living with you, got your cornered and you've spent a ton of money supporting him. We already have a ton of challenges with a mixed culture relationship, long distance and then immigration. Those are going to be factors to create more stress for you, and if he's treating you like this when you're not even living together, it will only get worse. Abusive men are usually pretty good at hiding their nature, but you are LUCKY he's shown it before moving over.

Count your blessings, accept your losses, and move on so you can heal.
 

YouOnlyLive Once!

Active Member
#10
I totally understand you love him but you have to ask yourself, is your love based on the "him" previously or this new "him"? if he was like that on your first date, would you have stayed with him? or met him again? i would tell him sternly where to go. if he decides to change or there is some genuine reason for this recent outburst, then you can change your mind in the future but if you take it and stay with him, this kind of abuse will be his "go to" mechanism for dealing with anything in the future and he will think it is ok and that will make you so unhappy and is no grounds for a good, healthy, happy relationship.

Before my partner moved here, he was really stressed - would he like it, is it the right thing to do, missing his family, friends etc etc, all normal feelings but it never turned into "you ruined my life" or abusive.

You have every right to be happy in your life and relationship and if someone is doing something to take that from you, then you need to do something about it. It's not easy but respect and love yourself enough
 

Gotcha

Member
#11
Hello I am in a really difficult situation at the moment and I don't know what to do. I have been with my tunisian husband for nearly 3 years. We had a great relationship and in May this year we married. I am still living in the UK and he is in Tunisia we have applied for the spouse visa application and we are just waiting to hear back. However my problem is that over the last 2 months mu husband has changed so much and he is hurting me badly. He is either very low and moody or verbally abusive to me then he quickly changes back to his normal self. Last night I had a phone call and the first few minutes was him telling me how much he hated me, I have ruined his life, he doesn't know who he is anymore etc etc with a lot of swear words inbetween then a few minutes later he was telling me how much he loved and missed me. My husband would never have spoken to me that way before, he was always kind, gentle and caring. I spend a month with him in the summer and it was around this time I noticed the difference in him, he lost his temper very quickly and I must be honest and admit I do feel a little scared of him. I don't want to divorce him as I genuinely love him but I cant go on this way.
Hun, google search 'bezness' sounds to me like his goal was a visa and it hasn't come through quick enough, so he's blaming you.
I know it hurts but like 'YouOnlyLiveOnce' said, if he had behaved like that when you first met you would have given him a big thumbs down. There is NO excuse for him to behave like this now you are married except he thinks he's got you hooked so now it's safe for him to show his true colours.
 

Misha

New Member
#12
Bunny girl , it was reading your post tonight that inspired me to write about my own situation on here - until then i was ashamed to admit everything i had put up with. We all have different tolerance levels, i forgave my husband repeated infidelity that other wives would never have forgiven, but for me once a man starts swearing and hating on you like that, it's not a good sign. Could he be drinking too much or taking drugs ? He seems to have mood swings even within the same conversation. I tried so hard to stop my husband behaving the way he did, only to be dumped and replaced faster than a speeding bullet - and i worry that you will go through the same thing if you stay with yours . x
 

lulabex

Active Member
#13
Oh my god !! @Bunny girl please please leave him before its too late !!!!! I agree with everyone else and you should be scared of him. I hope you are safe and very far from him !!
Just tell him you had enough and file for divorce !!
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#14
Hello I am in a really difficult situation at the moment and I don't know what to do. I have been with my tunisian husband for nearly 3 years. We had a great relationship and in May this year we married. I am still living in the UK and he is in Tunisia we have applied for the spouse visa application and we are just waiting to hear back. However my problem is that over the last 2 months mu husband has changed so much and he is hurting me badly. He is either very low and moody or verbally abusive to me then he quickly changes back to his normal self. Last night I had a phone call and the first few minutes was him telling me how much he hated me, I have ruined his life, he doesn't know who he is anymore etc etc with a lot of swear words inbetween then a few minutes later he was telling me how much he loved and missed me. My husband would never have spoken to me that way before, he was always kind, gentle and caring. I spend a month with him in the summer and it was around this time I noticed the difference in him, he lost his temper very quickly and I must be honest and admit I do feel a little scared of him. I don't want to divorce him as I genuinely love him but I cant go on this way.
Hi Bunny girl and welcome to the forum!
I really am sorry that you are going through this.
I will give you my opinion but please take it with a pinch of salt if you don't agree with it as I am not judging you in any way or form but just saying what I think.
Your husband sounds like he treats you like crap and if he had a ounce of respect for you then he would not be treating you like this. I ask myself over and over again, why do people allow others to treat them like muck:mad:, I am unable to understand this.
I understand that you don't want to divorce your husband but ask yourself this " How long can this go on for" , he won't change because as far as he is concerned he is allowed to behave in whatever way he likes as he knows that he will not faces any consequences or punished in any way. He is in control of his own actions and needs to grow up and start behaving like a man, a man that respects his wife as well as others.
Who does he think he in constantly abusing you , you are his wife at the end of the day and not his property. You need to start laying the law down from now and tell your husband what's what.
As for calling you and telling you that he hates you then personally I would tell him where to go and I can assure you that it would not be pleasant. :(
Bunny girl do you really want to be treated with disrespect? I doubt it very much.
You need to tell him a few home truths if you are planning on bringing him to the UK otherwise you will suffer even more and he will think that you don't mind and that it is a normal thing to do.
If you really want to save your marriage and still want to be with your husband then why don't you have a long break, ignore his calls and just have some time out to think what is best for you and your future.We all need time out at the end of the day!:) Its called ME time.
Its not like he is going to knock on your door and ask you why your not answering his calls now , is he ?

Give it a few mouths or so and then you can answer his calls , tell him that you want to be treated with respect and that you are not a lump of s hit to be treated this way.
At the end of the day you are a grown up women and will do whatever it is that you want, whatever you decide in doing good luck for the future.
 
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