Heartbroken too....

Misha

New Member
#1
OK , i'll be honest - before i married my Tunisian husband, I looked at this site and felt smug because I was marrying one of the good ones...So this is my story. We married in early 2009, he came here a few month's later then got his ILR. As far as i knew we were happily married , he told me he loved me many times a day every day and couldn't keep his hands off me, so to speak. We laughed a lot and all my friends & family loved him. After about a year I found out he had been taking my bank card behind my back every weekend day and withdrawing over £100 each time . No wonder we were in debt as i was struggling to cover all the bills on my salary and his very meagre wages that were going into my account. I forgave him because i loved him and he seemed sorry. Through the next two years though, i found worse things : graphic texts in French from a Tunisian woman (after he returned from a holiday alone ) which made it very clear they had a relationship , even with him calling her 'my sexy angel' ,same as he was calling me.....Not only had he saved these texts in his 'my family ' folder , but he had used our landline to call her number! Again i forgave him. I then found several facebook interactions with women , him saying to one of them 'last night was amazing' and begging her to get in touch ( she didn't appear to...) , and one in particular that went on for weeks with him telling awful lies about me to try and get this girl into bed it seems. All through this he had been his usual attentive and loving self towards me , which i think was part of the shock when I found it all. Anyway , yet again i forgave him because he swore nothing physical had happened with these women and really wanted to stay married to me.... In Aug 2012 I found condoms in his wallet, needless to say we never used condoms. He told me he had no feeling for me ( yet had been all over me as usual up to that point) so i said we had to separate. Although he tried to cancel the separation twice, i felt we needed to in order for him to see if it was really me he wanted. Over the next 12 months, we 'dated' each other whilst living at different flats, during which he twice told me he wanted me back only to dump me within weeks. Third time, i took 4 months to agree to take him back after he had been wonderful all 4 of those months, only for him to move back in with me and then leave me a week later . Yes a week. I was beyond heartbroken, i still adored him somehow. After leaving me that last time, he cut all contact, didnt even check on how i was doing. then after 3months of ignoring me, i had two emails urgently asking for my birth certificate. when i asked why , he said to get a passport. I said no ( who would have said yes ????) and he sent me an email saying ' do me a favour and leave me alone, i want to move on and start a new life without you'. I have never heard from him since then, 13 months ago, and have just been told that on Facebook he is proudly displaying his pretty Lithuanian fiancee for all to see, holidaying 2-3 times a year whilst i cannot afford one holiday after the debt he left me with. I have no idea if we are divorced or not because he has not bothered to let me know if we are, and ignores my queries.
I have no idea why i am telling strangers this , i think maybe i need to get it all out because i dont like to burden my friends and family ( who are hundreds of miles away from me) with how utterly heartbroken i still am when everyone thinks i should be over it by now. I forgave him all of that stuff and yet he still left me and has erased me completely from his life, it's like i never existed for him and he has already asked another girl to marry him.. Ladies, just be very careful with who you marry because my husband fooled everyone in my life.
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
#2
Very brave of you to share, I hope you are now able to move on and rebuild your life. Unfortunately it's an all too common scenario, perhaps you'd like to stick around and give an alternative view to a lot of new members in the early days of their relationships.
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#3
Hi Misha, I really am sorry to hear what you went through.
I cannot sit here and judge you as I am not in your position but I do feel for you.
It sounds like he took you for granted, how many women would have given their husband another chance after betraying them,I would be the last women to give a chance like that.
You on the other hand was too generous when it came to forgiving and he took liberties.

It must be really painful for you to see all his photos of his new girlfriend, but you never know she also may go through the same S hit as you.

Take care
 

DARK ANGEL

Well-Known Member
#4
You are a very strong woman !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As Scott said that's really brave thing when you share your experience with us " don't think that we are strangers " no " we are here to support you " this is never ever your fault ,this is guy knew since your first meeting what he need exactly from you !I noted that he asked you b4 for your birth certificate maybe as you said he divorced you , you did not receive any letter from Tunisia? Do u you live in the house since your marriage ?
 

Misha

New Member
#5
yes i will, thank you , you never think its going to be your husband who turns out to be one of the bad ones.
 

Misha

New Member
#6
You are a very strong woman !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As Scott said that's really brave thing when you share your experience with us " don't think that we are strangers " no " we are here to support you " this is never ever your fault ,this is guy knew since your first meeting what he need exactly from you !I noted that he asked you b4 for your birth certificate maybe as you said he divorced you , you did not receive any letter from Tunisia? Do u you live in the house since your marriage ?
Yes , i am living exactly where I was when he left me the last time and have received nothing at all about any divorce. I think he may have done it without me already because if he is engaged to another woman , why wouldn't he want to be divorced ? it is probably just another way to disrespect me and make me feel worthless.
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#7
What a very sad story Misha, I'm sure all our hearts go out to you as you must be devastated. You will, of course, be told the obvious, that you are well rid of him and deserve a lot better, but whilst that is undoubtedly true it will undoubtedly be some time before you 'get over it', particularly whilst you are still trying to clear up the financial mess he has left you in. There are others on here who wll be able to advise you how to find out if you are still married, or whether you have already been divorced in Tunisia, and it might be a good idea to find this out so that you can get it registered in the UK if you have. If you are still married it seems you have plenty of evidence to divorce him here in the UK, which may be the first step towards being able to move on. Take care of yourself and remember 'It's good to talk', even if it's only on here.
 

DARK ANGEL

Well-Known Member
#8
Yes , i am living exactly where I was when he left me the last time and have received nothing at all about any divorce. I think he may have done it without me already because if he is engaged to another woman , why wouldn't he want to be divorced ? it is probably just another way to disrespect me and make me feel worthless.
Maybe who know he has in his "dirty" mind !!!!!!!!! because without divorcing you he can't to be engaged to another girl , maybe he want something for this girl , i mean using her like he did before with you ! what about his family ?Also , many husband gave the court wrong address of their wives just to make the divorce more easy who know !!!!!!!!!
 

Misha

New Member
#9
Hi Misha, I really am sorry to hear what you went through.
I cannot sit here and judge you as I am not in your position but I do feel for you.
It sounds like he took you for granted, how many women would have given their husband another chance after betraying them,I would be the last women to give a chance like that.
You on the other hand was too generous when it came to forgiving and he took liberties.

It must be really painful for you to see all his photos of his new girlfriend, but you never know she also may go through the same S hit as you.

Take care
thank you Roulla . I am a forgiving person in every part of my life and, like you, my friends never judged me but thought i was insane to forgive him so much. Looking back i dont know how i did it but I loved him so much and you do what you can to save a marriage. Truth is, when he was not acting like this behind my back he was a good husband, hardworking and goodnatured , but clearly had a dark side. It has indeed been very painful seeing who he is with now , especially because when we were married he had no mention of me or marriage on his facebook profile and yet with her he is clearly so proud and happy.
 

Misha

New Member
#10
Maybe who know he has in his "dirty" mind !!!!!!!!! because without divorcing you he can't to be engaged to another girl , maybe he want something for this girl , i mean using her like he did before with you ! what about his family ?Also , many husband gave the court wrong address of their wives just to make the divorce more easy who know !!!!!!!!!
i dont think he is using this girl, he looks too happy with her and she is very pretty and a lot younger than me. His family seemed to love me but who knows what he has told them about me and i have never heard from them since we broke up. Judging from photos on his facebook , his fiancee has met them so that hurts t becaause it seems as if nobody has given me a second hought in all of this.
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#11
Have you ever thought that it could be one of his game's.
Maybe things are not working out for him at the moment and he is kicking himself for leaving you, he may have placed a few photos but that does not necessarily mean it's his future partner if she don't give him what he wants.
Be very careful now as he knows that you are hurting and he also knows how vulnerable you are at this stage, he may try and lure you back into his life for his benefit.

You deserve to be loved,respected and trusted, just like you did for him only he was worthless and not worthy of your love.
I cannot tell you to forget him because only you know and remember the good times you had, but what I will say is that you are a very kind and patient person who deserves better.

Don't let him hold you back, life is too short look forward to the future and prove to him that you can live without him.
 

Misha

New Member
#12
Have you ever thought that it could be one of his game's.
Maybe things are not working out for him at the moment and he is kicking himself for leaving you, he may have placed a few photos but that does not necessarily mean it's his future partner if she don't give him what he wants.
Be very careful now as he knows that you are hurting and he also knows how vulnerable you are at this stage, he may try and lure you back into his life for his benefit.
You deserve to be loved,respected and trusted, just like you did for him only he was worthless and not worthy of your love.
I cannot tell you to forget him because only you know and remember the good times you had, but what I will say is that you are a very kind and patient person who deserves better.

Don't let him hold you back, life is too short look forward to the future and prove to him that you can live without him.
No , it's not a game. The facebook photos of them happy together go back to last year year on his profile and on hers ( my friend took a look) so clearly it is a real relationship . He won't be kicking himself for leaving me because she is younger and prettier and can have his babies whereas i was not successful in that, which was a factor in him leaving me repeatedly. He has no idea i am still hurting because he doesn't care and is not in touch with anyone i know, he's having the time of his life with her and she with him. I would imagine he has told her some sob story about his first marriage, making himself the victim of a nasty older wife who held him back and was unfaithful - same as he told girls on facebook a couple of years ago.
 

Misha

New Member
#13
What a very sad story Misha, I'm sure all our hearts go out to you as you must be devastated. You will, of course, be told the obvious, that you are well rid of him and deserve a lot better, but whilst that is undoubtedly true it will undoubtedly be some time before you 'get over it', particularly whilst you are still trying to clear up the financial mess he has left you in. There are others on here who wll be able to advise you how to find out if you are still married, or whether you have already been divorced in Tunisia, and it might be a good idea to find this out so that you can get it registered in the UK if you have. If you are still married it seems you have plenty of evidence to divorce him here in the UK, which may be the first step towards being able to move on. Take care of yourself and remember 'It's good to talk', even if it's only on here.
thank you so much. I have decided in the last week that, in the absence of any evidence that we are already divorced, I have to start divorcing him in the UK , maybe that will make him admit that he has done it already. I have plenty of evidence for unreasonable behaviour as grounds for divorce
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#14
No , it's not a game. The facebook photos of them happy together go back to last year year on his profile and on hers ( my friend took a look) so clearly it is a real relationship . He won't be kicking himself for leaving me because she is younger and prettier and can have his babies whereas i was not successful in that, which was a factor in him leaving me repeatedly. He has no idea i am still hurting because he doesn't care and is not in touch with anyone i know, he's having the time of his life with her and she with him. I would imagine he has told her some sob story about his first marriage, making himself the victim of a nasty older wife who held him back and was unfaithful - same as he told girls on facebook a couple of years ago.
Did you not speak about all this before marrying?
Did your Ex not know that there are solution's to most problems! Could you not have both spoken about IVF or even adoption.
Sorry Misha but if he truly loved you then he could have sat you down and spoken about his concerns.
These things do need to be discussed before entering into marriage but it seems people get married too fast these day's without really knowing who the person really is, they don't spend enough time in really getting to know the person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
It really is a pity.
 

Misha

New Member
#15
Did you not speak about all this before marrying?
Did your Ex not know that there are solution's to most problems! Could you not have both spoken about IVF or even adoption.
Sorry Misha but if he truly loved you then he could have sat you down and spoken about his concerns.
These things do need to be discussed before entering into marriage but it seems people get married too fast these day's without really knowing who the person really is, they don't spend enough time in really getting to know the person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
It really is a pity.
yes of course we spoke about children before marrying, doesnt everyone ? When he came back the last time i asked him repeatedly over that 4 months of ' dating' if he was sure and he aways said yes and that we would deal with the chidren issue together, such as adoption or surrogacy. He just didn't give us chance to do any of that !
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#16
Hi Misha.....so so sorry to hear your story.

It's far easier said than done to 'forget', especially when you've invested so much of yourself into this relationship. Everyone can quote platitudes like time is a great healer etc etc etc, which we all know is true, but doesn't help you here and now.

You can find out if you're divorced in Tunisia by requesting a copy of his BC from the Belidaya over there, all you need is his date of birth and where he was born there...Essem knows more about this and hopefully will be able to tell you how to find out in more detail.

Just remember though, whilst these pictures you're seeing on FB and his new fiancé, yes I'm sure that right now all is hunky dory, but do you think it'll last? Do you really think a leopard can change his spots, and so quickly? Noooo...he's a serial philanderer regardless....he wasn't just waiting for the right woman to come along to rescue him, he tarted about during your marriage and he'll do the same...

Believe in what goes around, comes around.....because it does. Keep your chin up, feel proud of how strong you've become, think about yourself and do whatever makes you happy right now...(as long as it doesn't involve contacting him!)...

Take care. Xxx
 

Misha

New Member
#17
Hi Misha.....so so sorry to hear your story.

It's far easier said than done to 'forget', especially when you've invested so much of yourself into this relationship. Everyone can quote platitudes like time is a great healer etc etc etc, which we all know is true, but doesn't help you here and now.

You can find out if you're divorced in Tunisia by requesting a copy of his BC from the Belidaya over there, all you need is his date of birth and where he was born there...Essem knows more about this and hopefully will be able to tell you how to find out in more detail.

Just remember though, whilst these pictures you're seeing on FB and his new fiancé, yes I'm sure that right now all is hunky dory, but do you think it'll last? Do you really think a leopard can change his spots, and so quickly? Noooo...he's a serial philanderer regardless....he wasn't just waiting for the right woman to come along to rescue him, he tarted about during your marriage and he'll do the same...

Believe in what goes around, comes around.....because it does. Keep your chin up, feel proud of how strong you've become, think about yourself and do whatever makes you happy right now...(as long as it doesn't involve contacting him!)...

Take care. Xxx
thank you Jane, and you made me chuckle with your last few words! I promise the only time i have contacted him in a year is last week, only to try and get him to have the decency to tell me what is happening divorce-wise. No reply as yet so i am not going to try again.
 

DARK ANGEL

Well-Known Member
#18
i dont think he is using this girl, he looks too happy with her and she is very pretty and a lot younger than me. His family seemed to love me but who knows what he has told them about me and i have never heard from them since we broke up. Judging from photos on his facebook , his fiancee has met them so that hurts t becaause it seems as if nobody has given me a second hought in all of this.
I can see what you mean , what's the difference of age between you and your husband?if she is pretty or young , this is never an excuse to scam you !!!!!!if he wants to use anyone age or nationality looks never a problem
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#19
Hi Misha,

Your sad story is all too typical of what we are hearing on here these days and thank you for sharing it with us. We're always here to listen and support you any which way we can.

Your ex sounds like a typical narcissistic type, you and others being mere objects to him. He'll never learn to make it on his own, have an envy of others who have what he lacks, and is basically empty on the inside. He has no real Self to bring to a relationship with another person, but he desperately needs someone else to join him in his emptiness and help him maintain emotional equilibrium. His ideal partner is someone willing to become an extension of his fragile ego, to serve as an object of admiration, contempt, or often enough both. You might not think so now, but you are well rid, he'd only have drained you further both financially and, more so, emotionally. It's not easy when you've invested so much love, time and money in someone to see them walk away with apparently not a thought or a care in the world about you. It's hard and it hurts and it will take you time to recover. But you will.

Put in down to experience, something you have learned from and try not to look back.

He'll never find true happiness and will use everyone that he meets to get what he wants.

The sign over the Airports in Tunisia ought to read: Abandon Self All Ye Who Enter Here.
 

Misha

New Member
#20
I can see what you mean , what's the difference of age between you and your husband?if she is pretty or young , this is never an excuse to scam you !!!!!!if he wants to use anyone age or nationality looks never a problem
There is a 19 year age gap between my husband and I. I know how that looks on paper, but because I look about 12-15 years younger (my true age of 50 genuinely shocks people) and he looks several years older than he is, nobody ever thought there was an age gap so we didn't look like your typical older woman/younger man couple. I'm attractive with a nice figure so it wasn't as if i had let myself go. But no 50year old woman can compete with a pretty woman half her age - i was a pretty 25 year old once, he just didnt know me then!
 
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