Heartbroken too....

Misha

New Member
#21
Hi Misha,

Your sad story is all too typical of what we are hearing on here these days and thank you for sharing it with us. We're always here to listen and support you any which way we can.

Your ex sounds like a typical narcissistic type, you and others being mere objects to him. He'll never learn to make it on his own, have an envy of others who have what he lacks, and is basically empty on the inside. He has no real Self to bring to a relationship with another person, but he desperately needs someone else to join him in his emptiness and help him maintain emotional equilibrium. His ideal partner is someone willing to become an extension of his fragile ego, to serve as an object of admiration, contempt, or often enough both. You might not think so now, but you are well rid, he'd only have drained you further both financially and, more so, emotionally. It's not easy when you've invested so much love, time and money in someone to see them walk away with apparently not a thought or a care in the world about you. It's hard and it hurts and it will take you time to recover. But you will.
Put in down to experience, something you have learned from and try not to look back.
He'll never find true happiness and will use everyone that he meets to get what he wants.

The sign over the Airports in Tunisia ought to read: Abandon Self All Ye Who Enter Here.
Thank you Essem . The sad thing is that he did have some wonderful qualities as a husband , otherwise i would never have tried so hard to stay married. But he just seemed to be scouting for my replacement quite often, i guess a younger woman. One of the things he said to me as he left was ' sometimes i am really happy with you' .....He's moved on with such speed with no conscience or guilt , from photos on facebook he clearly started seeing this fiancee within a month or two of leaving me for the last time last August and he's already asked her to marry him. It makes you wonder if she knows anything at all or knows it all and just doesnt care about the estranged wife. I have spoken to a divorce advisor today and it looks as if divorcing him in the UK will be difficult because it is too late to claim adultery or unreasonable behaviour because he left a year ago, yet we have not been separated for the 2 years required for desertion. The only reason i have left it is because i believed he was sorting it! I feel so desolate because he has won on every level. And he's happy yet i cannot even think about dating stil - how on earth do i trust someone else !
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#22
Hi Misha, the difference with dating someone in your own country is there aren't usually any interior motives. You won't be a means to an end. Count yourself lucky you do not have any children with him! By the way you describe yourself you shouldn't find it hard to meet someone new. Just have fun and enjoy being single for a while :)
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#23
Thank you Essem . The sad thing is that he did have some wonderful qualities as a husband , otherwise i would never have tried so hard to stay married. But he just seemed to be scouting for my replacement quite often, i guess a younger woman. One of the things he said to me as he left was ' sometimes i am really happy with you' .....He's moved on with such speed with no conscience or guilt , from photos on facebook he clearly started seeing this fiancee within a month or two of leaving me for the last time last August and he's already asked her to marry him. It makes you wonder if she knows anything at all or knows it all and just doesnt care about the estranged wife. I have spoken to a divorce advisor today and it looks as if divorcing him in the UK will be difficult because it is too late to claim adultery or unreasonable behaviour because he left a year ago, yet we have not been separated for the 2 years required for desertion. The only reason i have left it is because i believed he was sorting it! I feel so desolate because he has won on every level. And he's happy yet i cannot even think about dating stil - how on earth do i trust someone else !
Don't even think about the dating scene yet......give yourself time to just be you!!! The rest will just happen when it's meant to...xxx
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
#24
OK , i'll be honest - before i married my Tunisian husband, I looked at this site and felt smug because I was marrying one of the good ones...So this is my story. We married in early 2009, he came here a few month's later then got his ILR. As far as i knew we were happily married , he told me he loved me many times a day every day and couldn't keep his hands off me, so to speak. We laughed a lot and all my friends & family loved him. After about a year I found out he had been taking my bank card behind my back every weekend day and withdrawing over £100 each time . No wonder we were in debt as i was struggling to cover all the bills on my salary and his very meagre wages that were going into my account. I forgave him because i loved him and he seemed sorry. Through the next two years though, i found worse things : graphic texts in French from a Tunisian woman (after he returned from a holiday alone ) which made it very clear they had a relationship , even with him calling her 'my sexy angel' ,same as he was calling me.....Not only had he saved these texts in his 'my family ' folder , but he had used our landline to call her number! Again i forgave him. I then found several facebook interactions with women , him saying to one of them 'last night was amazing' and begging her to get in touch ( she didn't appear to...) , and one in particular that went on for weeks with him telling awful lies about me to try and get this girl into bed it seems. All through this he had been his usual attentive and loving self towards me , which i think was part of the shock when I found it all. Anyway , yet again i forgave him because he swore nothing physical had happened with these women and really wanted to stay married to me.... In Aug 2012 I found condoms in his wallet, needless to say we never used condoms. He told me he had no feeling for me ( yet had been all over me as usual up to that point) so i said we had to separate. Although he tried to cancel the separation twice, i felt we needed to in order for him to see if it was really me he wanted. Over the next 12 months, we 'dated' each other whilst living at different flats, during which he twice told me he wanted me back only to dump me within weeks. Third time, i took 4 months to agree to take him back after he had been wonderful all 4 of those months, only for him to move back in with me and then leave me a week later . Yes a week. I was beyond heartbroken, i still adored him somehow. After leaving me that last time, he cut all contact, didnt even check on how i was doing. then after 3months of ignoring me, i had two emails urgently asking for my birth certificate. when i asked why , he said to get a passport. I said no ( who would have said yes ????) and he sent me an email saying ' do me a favour and leave me alone, i want to move on and start a new life without you'. I have never heard from him since then, 13 months ago, and have just been told that on Facebook he is proudly displaying his pretty Lithuanian fiancee for all to see, holidaying 2-3 times a year whilst i cannot afford one holiday after the debt he left me with. I have no idea if we are divorced or not because he has not bothered to let me know if we are, and ignores my queries.
I have no idea why i am telling strangers this , i think maybe i need to get it all out because i dont like to burden my friends and family ( who are hundreds of miles away from me) with how utterly heartbroken i still am when everyone thinks i should be over it by now. I forgave him all of that stuff and yet he still left me and has erased me completely from his life, it's like i never existed for him and he has already asked another girl to marry him.. Ladies, just be very careful with who you marry because my husband fooled everyone in my life.
 

Misha

New Member
#25
Ok so i have just come off the phone from a legal advice line for the 2nd time and nobody can help me. The guy told me to phone the Tunisian Embassy in London to see if they can advise how I can find out if i have been divorced without my consent or knowledge in Tunisia. Does anyone know if the Embassy will help because i have read conflicting answers on the internet about that. Some people are saying to contact various register offices in Tunisia but I only speak basic Arabic so am never going to be able to explain what i need, let alone anderstand what is being said back to me.... . I just cannot get my head around the fact that my estranged husband is a now a UK citizen, resident in the UK for 5 years and yet has no legal requirement to inform me , another UK citizen, of divorce or divorce proceedings! I am so lost about what to do. Can anyone help please?
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
#26
Ok so i have just come off the phone from a legal advice line for the 2nd time and nobody can help me. The guy told me to phone the Tunisian Embassy in London to see if they can advise how I can find out if i have been divorced without my consent or knowledge in Tunisia. Does anyone know if the Embassy will help because i have read conflicting answers on the internet about that. Some people are saying to contact various register offices in Tunisia but I only speak basic Arabic so am never going to be able to explain what i need, let alone anderstand what is being said back to me.... . I just cannot get my head around the fact that my estranged husband is a now a UK citizen, resident in the UK for 5 years and yet has no legal requirement to inform me , another UK citizen, of divorce or divorce proceedings! I am so lost about what to do. Can anyone help please?
Hello Misha....as far as I am concerned the Tunisian Embassy are a waste of time. However, there is absolutely no reason why YOU cannnot initiate divorce proceedings with a reputible lawyer. If you have your original marriage certificate you can do this. If you can prove grounds for divorce..eg unreasonable behaviour...you can be divorced in six months. If you have a "difficult" husband, it is still not impossible.....a good lawyer will be working for YOU! I won't go into all that I did....because I know I am being "watched" .....suffice to say.....start with a lawyer....have all the "proof" ....don't get down hearted and don't be "manipulated!" I hope this helps! xxxxx If you know how to PM me ...I will "talk" with you!
 

missmetal

Well-Known Member
#27
Hang in there girl, looks like you're the lucky one and got out of it. My Ex was similiar with his online flings, it still hurts, bet he would not like it if we were doing that behind their backs.

Hope you get your divorce resolved
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#28
Misha do you know anyone in Tunisia? They can obtain his birth certificate and it will say if you are still married. Costs laround £1.00...!!!!
 

Misha

New Member
#29
Hello Misha....as far as I am concerned the Tunisian Embassy are a waste of time. However, there is absolutely no reason why YOU cannnot initiate divorce proceedings with a reputible lawyer. If you have your original marriage certificate you can do this. If you can prove grounds for divorce..eg unreasonable behaviour...you can be divorced in six months. If you have a "difficult" husband, it is still not impossible.....a good lawyer will be working for YOU! I won't go into all that I did....because I know I am being "watched" .....suffice to say.....start with a lawyer....have all the "proof" ....don't get down hearted and don't be "manipulated!" I hope this helps! xxxxx If you know how to PM me ...I will "talk" with you!
Hello Kassie - thank you, maybe i wont bother with the Embassy then . Sorry , did you mean a lawyer in the Uk or in Tunisia ? I have no idea what you mean by 'how to PM me' !
 

Misha

New Member
#30
Misha do you know anyone in Tunisia? They can obtain his birth certificate and it will say if you are still married. Costs laround £1.00...!!!!
Hello TMD - no, unfortunately I do not know anyone in Tunisia other than his family and that is obviously a no-go.
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
#31
Hello Kassie - thank you, maybe i wont bother with the Embassy then . Sorry , did you mean a lawyer in the Uk or in Tunisia ? I have no idea what you mean by 'how to PM me' !
Hello Misha....yes, find yourself a good "family lawyer" in the UK , if that is where you live,....then arrange "free" initial consultation...and take it from there! I mean Private messaging....but I am not sure how to do this? Maybe someone else can tell you? xxx
 

Misha

New Member
#32
Hang in there girl, looks like you're the lucky one and got out of it. My Ex was similiar with his online flings, it still hurts, bet he would not like it if we were doing that behind their backs.

Hope you get your divorce resolved
yes you are right , my husband used to get jealous whenever i innocently mentioned a man had stopped me in the street and asked me out but then sometimes he would joke about it and say ' how many today' , yet when i stopped telling him when it happened, i was wrong for hiding it all from him and up to no good!
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#33
Any insecurities or guilt they have will be put on you!!
 

Misha

New Member
#34
Hello Misha....yes, find yourself a good "family lawyer" in the UK , if that is where you live,....then arrange "free" initial consultation...and take it from there! I mean Private messaging....but I am not sure how to do this? Maybe someone else can tell you? xxx
ok thanks Kassie it is looking indeed as if i will just have to initiate proceedings here although it is expensive. But it will be tricky claiming on what grounds seeing as how we separated 14 months ago and an advice line told me it may be too big a gap to claim unreasonable behaviour. No, i had no idea there was such a thing as private messaging on here.....Anyone know ?
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#35
There used to be private messaging Misha but I think that was stopped some time ago, which makes it difficult when you want to exchange information which you don't want to put on a public forum, such as e-mail addresses.

I would suggest you contact one of the mods on here who will no doubt be able to put you in touch with Kassie so you can exchange contact details.
 

Misha

New Member
#36
There used to be private messaging Misha but I think that was stopped some time ago, which makes it difficult when you want to exchange information which you don't want to put on a public forum, such as e-mail addresses.

I would suggest you contact one of the mods on here who will no doubt be able to put you in touch with Kassie so you can exchange contact details.
ok thanks Aslemma
 

Misha

New Member
#37
Any insecurities or guilt they have will be put on you!!
Totally true, he'd accuse me sometimes of being unfaithful when he had absolutely no grounds , clearly was trying to deflect the attention from his own infidelity. I'm not on facebook , don't have a lock on my phone, nothing secretive about me at all because i'm never unfaithful, yet he doesnt even use his real name on facebook and had a password on his iphone for most of the marriage. i guessed it easily enough but had to give the game away when i found the texts from the Tunisian slapper he'd met the month before. I only checked his phone about 3 times a year anyway so god knows what i missed!
 

Salsa Girl

Active Member
#38
Just a general observation I think its really a shame that people cant private message each other anymore PRIVATE information can be passed on or advice given from one member to another sometimes somethings have to be private. .... and personal experience sometimes is good advice .......just a thought ...
 

kassie

Well-Known Member
#39
ok thanks Kassie it is looking indeed as if i will just have to initiate proceedings here although it is expensive. But it will be tricky claiming on what grounds seeing as how we separated 14 months ago and an advice line told me it may be too big a gap to claim unreasonable behaviour. No, i had no idea there was such a thing as private messaging on here.....Anyone know ?
Not at all....we were seperated 15months!.....was waiting to see what would "happen" .....how long does one wait? ( rhetorical) ;) x Yes...it is expensive...however, put that into the context of YOUR life! You decide....do you go on as you are ....or not? xxx
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#40
Just a general observation I think its really a shame that people cant private message each other anymore PRIVATE information can be passed on or advice given from one member to another sometimes somethings have to be private. .... and personal experience sometimes is good advice .......just a thought ...
We all agree but unfortunately some members abused this system and that's why it was withdrawn. Same old story, a certain few spoil it for the rest :(
 
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