Older women married to younger Tunisian men

lynn

Well-Known Member
I stayed at my in laws before we married...was no rush at all we did it when we were ready and stayed at a few of his family really nice people.
 

salim

Well-Known Member
I stayed at my in laws before we married...was no rush at all we did it when we were ready and stayed at a few of his family really nice people.
absolutly normal Lynn and like your case you stayed with your sister in law in her house but here it was soooooooooooo clear that she want to persuade her getting married then she can meet him when and where she like :)
 

KheeKhee

Well-Known Member
I would worry about the fact that you say you did have time alone together but the door was always open, what door was open? if you don't mind me asking.
 

lynn

Well-Known Member
noone should rush u to marry...u need a mind of your own and lay down some of your own rules now and tell him, you wont marry him until you get time to be with him..
 

KheeKhee

Well-Known Member
noone should rush u to marry...u need a mind of your own and lay down some of your own rules now and tell him, you wont marry him until you get time to be with him..
absolutely, Heather should lay down some of her rules, this is 2012 in the UK and 2012 in Tunisia.;)
 

salim

Well-Known Member
I would worry about the fact that you say you did have time alone together but the door was always open, what door was open? if you don't mind me asking.
me too kheekhee how they can talk about they private things then ?????????? on facebook or skype !!!! they need to be face to face
 

lynn

Well-Known Member
There is no way I would entertain a marriage not having spent any quality time with my man, and no way I would be given an ultimatum by the parents.
 

KheeKhee

Well-Known Member
There is no way I would entertain a marriage not having spent any quality time with my man, and no way I would be given an ultimatum by the parents.
Lynn that's exactly the word an ultimatum, by who and for what reason? not sure how Heather sees this but maybe she will tell us if she wants to.
 

Heather t

Member
Hi i will try answer everyone here... the door being left open was the door of whatever room we was in at the time talking, his parents havn't said we cant meet again without marriage they just said they feel its not the done thing in their culture i have muslim friends some are same some not, all his family made me very welcome when i visited and of course i would like to visit more but i just dont have the money to do this, i spoke to an imigration solicitor who told me everything i need to do to get him here everything is good except for the job front still looking, dont know if his brother had contract or not for renting sounds like he didnt, we have spoken about living in tunisia this is what he wanted to do from the start but i wasnt sure and said no but if it was the only way then i would, and of course i have doubts about what im planning i would be worried if i didnt, and thats why i have told him we cant make any plans for marriage i need to see him more, we are now discussing him coming here for holiday he can stay with my sister and her hubby his family would be horrified if they thought we was in the same house alone !! im afraid they havn't reached 2012 yet and thats the way he has been brought up, he is more in 2012 than his family thank goodness :)
 

huttan

Well-Known Member
Im sorry Heather t... Im getting more and more confused...maybe Im missing out on something here?

Well some can be strict but that sounds like rubbish to me (honestly I wonder about their intensions IF THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR SON THEY WOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW YOU BETTER THAN TAKING A CHANCE WITH HIS LIFE...as long as someone comes along when you are together or spending time together in open areas with a lot of people it should be fine.

Actually thats no different from how I have grown up-no closed doors with boyfriends and no boyfriends sleeping over....not in a million years....but we wore still able to talk and get to know each other.Everyone is nice when you meet them in the beginning...doesnt say its their true faces...AND MANY HAS TWO FACES...but I dont think it matters what we advice you over here because you seem to made up your mind.

Its expensive going back and forward...but its not impossible to rent a cheap apartment if he did some research for you - you could get off pretty cheap. Dont rush in to this just because you are frustrated of not getting "alone time".

You cant afford visiting him, but can afford the £ 18600?:confused:
 

Heather t

Member
Im sorry Heather t... Im getting more and more confused...maybe Im missing out on something here?

Well some can be strict but that sounds like rubbish to me (honestly I wonder about their intensions IF THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR SON THEY WOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW YOU BETTER THAN TAKING A CHANCE WITH HIS LIFE...as long as someone comes along when you are together or spending time together in open areas with a lot of people it should be fine.

Actually thats no different from how I have grown up-no closed doors with boyfriends and no boyfriends sleeping over....not in a million years....but we wore still able to talk and get to know each other.Everyone is nice when you meet them in the beginning...doesnt say its their true faces...AND MANY HAS TWO FACES...but I dont think it matters what we advice you over here because you seem to made up your mind.

Its expensive going back and forward...but its not impossible to rent a cheap apartment if he did some research for you - you could get off pretty cheap. Dont rush in to this just because you are frustrated of not getting "alone time".

You cant afford visiting him, but can afford the £ 18600?:confused:
i respect your opinion and i thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts i realy needed this forum ( and i will be honest with myself now and with you ) this past 3-4 months i know iv been having doubts and havnt wanted to admit it thats why i have told him we cant make any plans to marry i just know i cant marry a man i only met twice, my family and friends are happy with whatever i decide but thats what familys do, i just needed opinions from people i didnt know, his parents just accepted that it was his choice they always told him age colour nationality dosnt matter so long as she is a good woman, i respect their culture and in some ways i think its a good thing not being intimate before marriage but you have to live with someone before you realy get to know them, :)
 

Heather t

Member
Hi Heather...im a little confused now...earlier you said that your fiance and yourself had been together for 2 years and yet above you have said that you have only been to see him 2 times...im assuming then that thats once a year....and yet he is your fiance and not your boyfriend....

You have also said that you cannot go again unless plans are in place for you to marry? why? i visited my now husband many many times before we talked about marriage, how could we possibly agree or think about marriage until such a time as we had spent some actual 'real' time together...and even then, simply logistically that is a difficult thing to do when you are living in different countries, and that was visiting every month....so still an element of risk as opposed to meeting a guy in your own country..

Whilst i agree with you that life is too short etc etc...there is another phrase i think that should be considered by people and that is 'act in haste, repent at leisure'. Please be very careful Heather and remember that there will be many sacrifices that you have to make if you want to have a successful relationship with this man, so i would want to be going over and 'seeing' him more often right now before i made such life changing decisions, regardless of whether other people like it or not...because it is you who would have to deal with any fallout and not them...xx
Hi thanx for taking the time to give your advice i respect your opinion and hearing from people i dont know has helped me a lot, the wedding is on hold i know i cant marry someone i only met twice it would be sheer madness and this forum has helped me to admit that to myself and i sure feel better for it, now my mood has changed from stressed to cold because believe me its more like december than july here lol :)
 

huttan

Well-Known Member
Theres a lot of good people on this forum...and their/our only interrest will be to protect you.:)

I just think if he was ment to be with you...he will make it happen-even on YOUR TERMS...he wont run away just because you say you arnt ready to do this yet if he is a good one-just keep that in mind...all other than that just feel like plain blackmail really...to rush you. A marriage is suppose to be for life so better to be prepared and doing the right choice then.;)(and even prepared we never know for sure...but it makes the odds better)
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Hi thanx for taking the time to give your advice i respect your opinion and hearing from people i dont know has helped me a lot, the wedding is on hold i know i cant marry someone i only met twice it would be sheer madness and this forum has helped me to admit that to myself and i sure feel better for it, now my mood has changed from stressed to cold because believe me its more like december than july here lol :)
Same here Heather...fortunately my husband loves the British weather...unlike me...:confused:...im glad that some of what people who have no ulterior motive and can perhaps look at it objectively can help..whilst also id say the majority of us, have a little insight into how a relationship with a Tunisian can/should/would progress..and also a little understanding of their culture and beliefs...
Im glad that you are now thinking that no matter how much you feel you know your fiance..yes it would be sheer madness to marry a man you have only met twice, you really do need to spend some more time together...we were together for 2 years before we married, like you, however i saw my husband every month, yes it crippled me financially but we couldnt have entertained the idea of marrying if we hadnt..and now my husband has been in the UK with me for 6 months and even having spent that time together there were still some major readjustments that we both had to do..and relatively speaking, compared to say my previous marriages it was still a big risk, because even seeing each other once a month for a couple of years was nothing in comparison...however, so far so good and i wouldnt change any of it for anything..
As much as you want to run away with it all, you do need to think with your head and protect yourself and your future....and as much as you are respecting his families wishes, you have to consider yourself FIRST and foremost....if they truly want their son to be happy and to make the right decision in life then they have to accept that he needs to base his future on more than TWO visits...if they cant accept that Heather then i would question their motives im afraid...because if as you say they just want their son to choose the right wife regardless of age, nationality etc etc then that suggests that they ARE living in 2012...
Regardless of it all, we are all here for you, if its openness and honesty that you want, then youve come to the right place...:p. xx
 

annibee

Well-Known Member
Im sorry Heather t... Im getting more and more confused...maybe Im missing out on something here?

Well some can be strict but that sounds like rubbish to me (honestly I wonder about their intensions IF THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR SON THEY WOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW YOU BETTER THAN TAKING A CHANCE WITH HIS LIFE...as long as someone comes along when you are together or spending time together in open areas with a lot of people it should be fine.

Actually thats no different from how I have grown up-no closed doors with boyfriends and no boyfriends sleeping over....not in a million years....but we wore still able to talk and get to know each other.Everyone is nice when you meet them in the beginning...doesnt say its their true faces...AND MANY HAS TWO FACES...but I dont think it matters what we advice you over here because you seem to made up your mind.

Its expensive going back and forward...but its not impossible to rent a cheap apartment if he did some research for you - you could get off pretty cheap. Dont rush in to this just because you are frustrated of not getting "alone time".

You cant afford visiting him, but can afford the £ 18600?:confused:
think heather meant visitor visa hun
 

KheeKhee

Well-Known Member
i respect your opinion and i thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts i realy needed this forum ( and i will be honest with myself now and with you ) this past 3-4 months i know iv been having doubts and havnt wanted to admit it thats why i have told him we cant make any plans to marry i just know i cant marry a man i only met twice, my family and friends are happy with whatever i decide but thats what familys do, i just needed opinions from people i didnt know, his parents just accepted that it was his choice they always told him age colour nationality dosnt matter so long as she is a good woman, i respect their culture and in some ways i think its a good thing not being intimate before marriage but you have to live with someone before you realy get to know them, :)
Hi Heather
Some things you might want to consider, did he ask for your hand in marriage, did he give you an engagement ring or jewellry, did you have an engagement party at his family home? what has he offered you in this marriage? I ask these questions because as you say his family are very strict and traditional, just some thoughts Heather, that all.:)
 

Heather t

Member
Hi Heather
Some things you might want to consider, did he ask for your hand in marriage, did he give you an engagement ring or jewellry, did you have an engagement party at his family home? what has he offered you in this marriage? I ask these questions because as you say his family are very strict and traditional, just some thoughts Heather, that all.:)
Hi yes we had traditional engagement party at his home and yes i have engagement ring and other jewellery, they can choose to share what they have or keep what they have he chose to share.
 

KheeKhee

Well-Known Member
Hi yes we had traditional engagement party at his home and yes i have engagement ring and other jewellery, they can choose to share what they have or keep what they have he chose to share.
Sounds good Heather :)
 

Heather t

Member
Same here Heather...fortunately my husband loves the British weather...unlike me...:confused:...im glad that some of what people who have no ulterior motive and can perhaps look at it objectively can help..whilst also id say the majority of us, have a little insight into how a relationship with a Tunisian can/should/would progress..and also a little understanding of their culture and beliefs...
Im glad that you are now thinking that no matter how much you feel you know your fiance..yes it would be sheer madness to marry a man you have only met twice, you really do need to spend some more time together...we were together for 2 years before we married, like you, however i saw my husband every month, yes it crippled me financially but we couldnt have entertained the idea of marrying if we hadnt..and now my husband has been in the UK with me for 6 months and even having spent that time together there were still some major readjustments that we both had to do..and relatively speaking, compared to say my previous marriages it was still a big risk, because even seeing each other once a month for a couple of years was nothing in comparison...however, so far so good and i wouldnt change any of it for anything..
As much as you want to run away with it all, you do need to think with your head and protect yourself and your future....and as much as you are respecting his families wishes, you have to consider yourself FIRST and foremost....if they truly want their son to be happy and to make the right decision in life then they have to accept that he needs to base his future on more than TWO visits...if they cant accept that Heather then i would question their motives im afraid...because if as you say they just want their son to choose the right wife regardless of age, nationality etc etc then that suggests that they ARE living in 2012...
Regardless of it all, we are all here for you, if its openness and honesty that you want, then youve come to the right place...:p. xx
Im realy not sure how to progress with this because until you actualy live with someone you dont realy know them, i was with my second husband for 20 years lived together for 8 first thought yeh i know him well enough got married..... boy was i wrong with that decision so whatever way you look at it marriage is a risk you take, and because hes there and im here its not easy as you know anyway we will see how things go have a good weekend :)
 
Top