Older women married to younger Tunisian men

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nela

Guest
Delene said:
Black Mamba,

Thanks you for your suggestions about bombarding the local papers. I have saved your link as when this case is finalised I will bombard the papers. There are so many twists in this case as my husband has been planning this for about two years. Several positive actions are underway and I promise I will reveal all when these are finalised.

Thank you for your suggestions - they are very much appreciated and have kept me going through this very difficult period in my life.

I wish you all a very pleasant holiday and New Year.
Delene I think me and NIez are your biggest fans!!!!!!!! We want to have a front row seat when it comes to uncovering that *******...BTW any chnace for his address here in uk?
 

bobby g

Well-Known Member
Ladies

You may have all read my last entry regarding the guy I met on holiday in March 09 - Loay. We haven't had any contact since April 09 (when I got married) and even though I can't seem to forget Loay I think I've done well to not contact him. He hasn't contacted me either.......TILLL NOW!

I opened my mail a couple of days ago and there was an email from Loay. I couldn't believe it. He told me that he had now left Yasmine Hammamet and was no longer working there. Then he asked about me, and what news I had. He informed me of a change in mobile no. and asked me to call him and let him know about me. He ended the email with God Bless You - Kiss.

Of course I'm very tempted to call him, but the sensible side of my brain is telling me not to. Afterall I'm married now. So I haven't but now I'm back to square one with my feelings.
It's simple... delete email...block his address....consign his memory to the past and get on with your married life with your husband. Loay has no claim over you. You chose to marry your husband you owe it to him and yourself to give your marraige a chance, it won't have that if you are constantly hankering after Loay who lets face it you don't really know that well.
 

aljaye

Well-Known Member
Delene I think me and NIez are your biggest fans!!!!!!!! We want to have a front row seat when it comes to uncovering that *******...BTW any chnace for his address here in uk?
Me too I want to join in....Ill even write to the papers as well....:mad:
 

pirlo9999

Member
Aljaye I am so with you! For goodness sake girl - you got married after having a fling.....ok great, but now you must get on with your life or are you thinking that you can just leave the marriage for a little while to explore these feelings. Get a grip woman!!! Why did you marry? Before hitting the delete button put a block on his email address, then you'll never hear from him again. (and your husband won't accidentally come across any emails that he shouldn't)
Thanks for your response. I actually didn't have a fling. I wasn't planning on contacting him, the email just stirred up some feelings that I guess are still quite raw. Thanks and have a great christmas/new year.
 

pirlo9999

Member
I agree with the others - block him, delete it all and get on with your new life - or leave your marriage and pursue.

I think you are living in 'what might have been land' and it seems to me you heart is not in your marriage and you're not committed to him in any way shape or form.

Loay's probably been paid off for the winter months as many are (you didn't say if he had another job) and is trying to resurrect your relationship. He's choosing when he contacts you - is that acceptable to you?

Maybe it's the possibility of deceit that is thrilling to you and that's why you're tempted to contact him. I'd hazard a guess that if you continue with the Tunisian, you'll end up with neither him nor your husband.

Can I ask is yours an arranged marriage?
No it wasn't arranged. But in hindsight it all happened too fast - what do they say 'marry in haste' and all that. I wont' contact him and I think your summation is quite correct - I'll probably end up with neither. I don't think it's deceit that's thrilling me - i think it was probably one of those really awkward experiences that I'll always wonder 'what if'. I just read it that even though we don't contact each other - he doesn't want me to lose his contact details for whatever reason. Anyway thanks for your response and happy christmas/new year.
 

Marta1153

New Member
Well, I fell madly in love with a younger Tunisian man. And to this day a part of me is empty without him. Wanted to get married over there. But had to go through the US Embassy first. Wow did they put us trough the ringer. Their conclusion was, he was using me to try to get out of the country. I have been there four times and I love it there. One fact is real many Tunisian men strictly marry foreign women to get out of the country and yes. They do so to help support their families back home. Men have a very difficult life over their. It's even hard for them to marry Tunisian women. And if they do they have to find work in other cities away from home. And the wives don't see their husbands maybe 3 or 4 times a year.
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
Welcome to the forum Marta.
 

Nobody

New Member
They do so to help support their families back home. Men have a very difficult life over their. It's even hard for them to marry Tunisian women.
I do not really agree with this.

Tunisian men do not go out of the country to help their families, but primarily to help themselves. Men do not have a very difficult life over there, it is not worse than the life of poor people in the west and way better than the life of the women in their situation. And finally, it is not really hard for them to marry tunisian women - but it hard to reach for the gold when they only qualify for lead.

The problem in your assumption is not that you generalize, not at all, but you need to differentiate in the groups you are talking about.

There is, for most of "The" men work available. It might not be like the work we know in the west, but when you look back just 50, 80 years, then in most countries of the west, there have been the same conditions of working 6 days a week and 10 hours a day with a payment that was not enough to buy any luxury goods. And the vast majority of the men are not working n the tourism industry, not even close to it, but in small and big companies, often factories, mines or building work, let alone the huge amount of those who work in agriculture.
It is true that the unemplyoment rate in Tunisia is far over 10% (and the coverted probably even close to 30%), but then again, there are also western countries with these rates, there are western people, as well, who go through garbage cans and line up for free meals and food. By no means the life is not easy in Tunisia, but compared to many western countries in the past years, the situation has become bad as well.

But, and this is similar as well to western countries in these days, the more a job pays, the more rare they are and the more qualified one has to be to get it and probably even the more one has work, and there is the problem for quite a few people, since they overestimate their qualification and abilities and rather not work at all than work for what they deem "a poor payment".

Only a few of the well qualified tunisians want to leave their country - it is mainly the not and low educated who think that people in the west have in their gardens money trees and the streets are paved with jewels. With a good education, they can find jobs in Tunisia which pay not the minimum wage of 250 Dinar, but 600, 1000, 1500 and even more (engineers in petrochemy, IT specialists, etc.). Minimum wage is for minimum qualification, minimum wage jobs hire today and fire tomorrow and for minimum wage, people line up on the streets and one does not do the job, the next one will.

Without a question, there is also an overeducation taking place in Tunisia, in that there are not enough jobs offered for qualified people (the percentage of unemployed university absolvents within the first years is higher than the national average), but this is a matter of numbers and not a matter of the general absence of jobs. It will raise the general education requirement even for low-paid jobs, as it happened in many western countries as well (eg. when you need an high school diploma to become a carpenter or cashier) - so what happens, is that there is a misconception between personal expectations and economic realities, when the father could become a manager without high school and erns a lot of money, but the son has now, 20 or 30 years later, to show a lot more education to achive the same. It leads them to the impression that they are "underpaid" for their "high" education, while, in reality, just the economic conditions and frameworks have changed.

When it comes to marriage, it is true, that especially tunisian women are known to demand a high standard, but one cannot really blame them. Eben with this "high" standard, the divorce rate is now 30% and more in some regions, and after a divorce, women fall into a black hole, especially when they have children. Instead of demanding a change in the social acceptance of sexual behaviour (*** before marriage, cohabitation witout marriage, increase of social status of divorced women), which is all almost impossible to achieve (and not al least because of the way the men are thinking) they try to raise the bar for the wedding. They don't marry to live miserable, but to have a better life for themselves and their children, and one method of estimating this is to demand the prove of provision before marriage.

For the men, of course, it is much easier to marry someone from another country and reap the advantages of that culture without giving up values of their own - while, at the same time, complaining about tunisian women who want to marry non-tunisians or non-arabics or complaining that tunisian women want "too much". Yes, it is too much for them, for THESE men, who think and act in this way. Why would they want a high class education when they can gain even more without it and this includes, in the long run, even the social status?

As well as not everything is gold what first looks like gold, not everything in Tunisia is how it seems for someone peeking out the hotel window or collecting information just from interested circles.

Tunisia is a country leaping forward in economic and social sense and in which a development, that took ages in western countries is tried to being achieved in a few years. The problem is, however, that the development is often one-sided and tries to prevent paying the price that has to be paid for a specific goal (an economic development is not possible without a social development that goes hand in hand).
This attempt breaks up the society in many directions, not only vertically, but also horizontally and you see, typical in such countries, all kinds of economic and social acts and status at the same time, confusing many people and making some of them jumping back and forth between all sorts of gaps, trying to find the best way for the best life.
 

aljaye

Well-Known Member
I agree with you Nobody.
I spent a lot of time on my last visit talking to the young man who drove the little tourist train- I was after all his only regular passenger..lol. he was a bright intelligent young man who had worked in Europe for a spell after finishing college..he has a brother who is married to a british lady and who runs a hotel in Bham (you may know who you are lol). They met and married in the UK so his brother did not move for a visa. he had had a relationship with a Swedish girl and they got to the point of talking about marriage and she wanted him to move to Sweden, it was at that point he broke it off. he says in Tunisa if you have a home and a little money you can have a good life, fresh food is cheap and 10 months of the year you have lovely sunshine to just sit out and drink coffee in or have an afternoon on the beach. You do not need a great deal of money to have a nice life. He has seen the coin from the otrher side talking to his brother about the cold, the price of a piece of chicken, the drunkards on the streets every night.
Its a shame more Tunisians dont see that. My BFs friend is also bright and has worked in Japan but cant quite understand that life here isnt a good as he thinks. But he is one of the ones struggling to find work as he went to Uni and is being offered as you say poorly paid jobs which he does for the money but has become used to having more.

I think the biggest factor in Tunisians mens poverty is the sending of money home to support their families. Its all very well to look good in the eyes of the family back home..but whats the point if you have nothing to eat every day but Sauce? Its nice that they support their families but there should be a limit I feel, otherwise they are never going to be able to move forward.
 

Black Mamba

Well-Known Member
I agree with you Nobody.
I spent a lot of time on my last visit talking to the young man who drove the little tourist train- I was after all his only regular passenger..lol. he was a bright intelligent young man who had worked in Europe for a spell after finishing college..he has a brother who is married to a british lady and who runs a hotel in Bham (you may know who you are lol). They met and married in the UK so his brother did not move for a visa. he had had a relationship with a Swedish girl and they got to the point of talking about marriage and she wanted him to move to Sweden, it was at that point he broke it off. he says in Tunisa if you have a home and a little money you can have a good life, fresh food is cheap and 10 months of the year you have lovely sunshine to just sit out and drink coffee in or have an afternoon on the beach. You do not need a great deal of money to have a nice life. He has seen the coin from the otrher side talking to his brother about the cold, the price of a piece of chicken, the drunkards on the streets every night.
Its a shame more Tunisians dont see that. My BFs friend is also bright and has worked in Japan but cant quite understand that life here isnt a good as he thinks. But he is one of the ones struggling to find work as he went to Uni and is being offered as you say poorly paid jobs which he does for the money but has become used to having more.

I think the biggest factor in Tunisians mens poverty is the sending of money home to support their families. Its all very well to look good in the eyes of the family back home..but whats the point if you have nothing to eat every day but Sauce? Its nice that they support their families but there should be a limit I feel, otherwise they are never going to be able to move forward.
It's a shame that men like that are quite rare:(
 

zahrouni

New Member
Just beware sylvia I too married much younger tunisian and only after we had been married 2 and half years and he obtained permanent residence and I had remortgaged my house did I learn that after only 18 months after the marriage he begun an affair with another english woman who I had given assistance to when we holidayed in Morocco. I was in disbelief he had out of me a coffee business and I supported his family I am now left with huge debts to pay off and he still believes it was his god given right to beat me up when I spoke to him about the affair which I later discovered was one of many so it is clear he used me just to gain entry into UK and fleece me for thousands of pounds and at my age this is very difficult for me never again will I believe in any tunisian man so beware you don't get caught too.
 

aljaye

Well-Known Member
Just beware sylvia I too married much younger tunisian and only after we had been married 2 and half years and he obtained permanent residence and I had remortgaged my house did I learn that after only 18 months after the marriage he begun an affair with another english woman who I had given assistance to when we holidayed in Morocco. I was in disbelief he had out of me a coffee business and I supported his family I am now left with huge debts to pay off and he still believes it was his god given right to beat me up when I spoke to him about the affair which I later discovered was one of many so it is clear he used me just to gain entry into UK and fleece me for thousands of pounds and at my age this is very difficult for me never again will I believe in any tunisian man so beware you don't get caught too.
Sorry to hear your tale. Id like to see mty BF fleece me of thousands..cos I havent got it and cant be loaned it. And if he raised a finger to me I know who would come of worse. But yours are wise words and ones we all have in our hearts I am sure.
 
A

AnnieB

Guest
New to this site my neighbour has a young Tunisian boyfriend and she wants him to come to UK for a holiday - does he need a visa and a letter and what are the money requirements can you help? the postings are interesting he is much younger but wants to stay in Tunisia
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
Welcome to the forum AnnieB.

He will need a visa - difficult to obtain and costly - and an invitation and lots of other information (use the search facility for Visas and you'll find all the information you need.

They usually are much younger and initially they all want to stay in Tunisia!
 

annibee

Well-Known Member
New to this site my neighbour has a young Tunisian boyfriend and she wants him to come to UK for a holiday - does he need a visa and a letter and what are the money requirements can you help? the postings are interesting he is much younger but wants to stay in Tunisia
now we got 2 annibees lol. just a slight difference in spelling. hope it dont confuse people
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
Your accents are different annibee!!!
 

Youssef

Active Member
Men Should Never Give his Heart in a silly Game women Play...it will be so Hard when Your Heart is Broken and can never Heal it...
 

Latisha

Active Member
Men Should Never Give his Heart in a silly Game women Play...it will be so Hard when Your Heart is Broken and can never Heal it...
just be thankful that your not in the usa, women here.....rape and rob.........your pockets that is :D:D its all a game to most of them......so sad it also goes vise versa, women also get used up like an old napkin! :(
 

Saphiire

Member
Late

Saphiire how long have they known eachother, where did they meet?? :)
Hii, sorry for late answear:) They are now married, and I am going to put some pics out here soon^^

They had knew eatch other for 13 months, and they met online:D
They are soo good together:D
 
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