Love makes the world go round and in Tunisia this is no exception though the pressures of modern life effect Tunisians in the same manner as other peoples of the world it is still assumed by the vast number of Tunisians that I have met that one day they will be married and have children and from my experience this is envisaged to occur a good few years earlier than what would be expected say in the UK.
Though over time I will expand this section with the different wedding traditions of the regions of Tunisia I will start with the essentials of a Tunisian marriage which are present in almost all marriages.
If you have details of special regional customs please email them to [email protected] and we will include them.
Proposal
Islamically the proposal is called the Ljab and the acceptance is called the Qubul. In practice romance is similar to European countries with the couple meeting say during university or introduced by friends. It is accepted that once you want to take the next step you keep the relationship under wraps until you pass it by the Farther & Eldest brother of the girl and sometimes vice versa with the boys parents. If the woman is under 20 then she will need her fathers consent if not then she is free to choose for herself though in my experience people seldom go completely against their parents in such a situation. For example when I asked my wife to marry me "speak to my father" was the answer. You may also get a situation where a boy fancies a girl and then approaches the parent/brother of the girl and asks for permission then before speaking to her but be under no impression Tunisian girls know what they like and are not usually afraid of saying no as is their right Islamically as well as culturally.
Acceptance
Now that the boy has asked the father for permission to marry his daughter and the father is happy that the boy is nice, wealthy enough to look after his daughter and importantly is a Muslim (only Muslim boys can marry Muslim girls in Tunisia legally) then he will say yes ? In my case I flew my father in law to England so that he could see my house and my parents bless them came to Tunisia when I proposed to lobby on my behalf.
Assuming that everything is ok you will want to confirm the engagement with a party.
- Invite everyone
- Get a special dress
- Have lots of sweets
- Place on the engagement ring
There may be other options you may have but the essential thing is that it is celebrated and everyone knows.
Now that you are engaged you will be allowed to see each other but you won’t be blatantly kissing in-front of everyone as that is what hiding around the beach is for and touring in the car.
On this occasion 7 signatures!
The Contract
This is a state contract the same as is the case in the UK in a registry office in its remit and I have been told that marriages such as this are considered valid in Europe. Now for the ins and outs of the exact rights in Tunisia it is best to consult a solicitor but Tunisia I have been told it is modern and gives the women the equivalent rights as would be the case in the UK.
Now before the contract different parties and ceremonies are undertaken in different towns and locations. But the minimum is usually a girl’s party and a boy’s party where the girls will dress up and dance away from the men and the boys will sit around and talk with pipes.
It will be expected that food will be provided in some form usually sweets or some form of buffet. Remember never do anything set in stone when organising a part in Tunisia as you never know who is going to turn up so always have far to much food just in case.
Come the day of the contract and the fun really starts remember that the bride and groom will not have seen each other for a few days now. In his suit the groom will start off meeting his family and friends at his house and then get in the nice car and head the convoy to the girl’s house. All of the cars will have the hazard lights on and beep their horns as much as possible and try and overtake each other to get closer to the grooms car this is both fun and dangerous and if an annoying taxi/BMW cuts in you then proceed to bully him to get out of the way/run him of the road as the party has already started.
Once you get to the girls house the groom then goes up to the door to meet the relatives followed by his family and friends to get his bride to be. They then go with everyone in a big convoy to the registry office (you can hear this every night in the summer in Tunisia) once there everyone crams into the room and children run about whilst people talk loudly.
The contract itself seems very low key by European standards as it is very quick with firstly the rights being prescribed then the fatiha (the first page of the Qur’an) is recited by everyone. YEY everyone then stands up and kisses everyone aside from the couple whom will not kiss in front of everyone.
After the contract
Now this can differ from couple to couple as some people like to go away on honeymoon whilst others will have a large reception. This is often where you see the large chairs/thrones where the couple sit as VIPs on a stage in front of the party.
Very much like a European wedding this may be in a hotel or a venue and has the best food and entertainment possible. Given that weddings are a social circuit in Tunisia this is that opportunity to show that you have the best taste and have the better entertainment etc.
Once all the partying has stopped then the couple can either go on honeymoon or spend their first night together.
Once back the family of the bride will bring her things to the house of the husband and then leave them to start their new life together. If your in Bizerte (northern Tunisia) your father in law will by the biggest fish he can find tie it to the leg of the new bride and she will walk around the house with it then it is BBQ time for a nice housewarming party.
