Converting to Islam

Milk

Well-Known Member
Hi Raindrops,

Firstly, I'd like to echo the other ladies on here in saying how sorry I am for the loss of your son. How one copes with the loss of a child I can't imagine!

I've found this thread extremely interesting, as it is fascinating hearing about everyones' different beliefs.
I personally am not religious but do believe there is some kind of power out there but I'm not sure as yet what that is! However, I am totally open to all religions and keep an open mind about all of them. Unfortunately for me I need to see some concrete evidence before I can believe in a 'god' as such. I'm not embarrased to say that and I certainly respect those that do.


Your posts in particular are very enlightning although I am a little confused by your post that states '...especially for kids growing up in a single home, they get their values and beliefs from what they watch on tv, from their peer groups and what they see others doing...'. I don't understand your quote. Could you please clarify for me? What about the single parent? Does the child not learn from them?

Thanks
Debxx
Your right, it does need to be clarified.

Kids from single parent families do definitely learn from that one parent. They learn a lot but nothing can take the role of that missing parent. I've been a single parent for 21 years. I am now raising my grandson and granddaughter (which my son had before he died). When I had my two older boys, I figured I could be both dad and mom to them. I believed I could be and do everything alone. When I had my third boy (he is now 12) I changed my thinking over time, I've come to realize that no matter how hard I try to be both parents, I can only teach my kids what I have learned. I can only teach them on a mother's perspective. I can't rough house like a dad can, this actually teaches boys a lot of things. A boy and a girl take away certain things from each parent. Each parent brings their own dynamics of teaching. Without having a dad (in my case) the boys will learn how to treat a women by what he sees on the media and what their peers teach him. In this case, a very good role model needs to be placed in their lives, so they can learn and even this is sometimes not enough. Role models unless they are a family member come and go into once live. The same for a girl. A dad will teach her how a good man should treat her. This is if the dad is a good, loving and caring father. In a single parent home, a child will learn the things he has to learn, that the mother can't teach, through media, peers and what other people do as one parent can't teach all things to her/his child.

Han, in my opinion, I believe that God sends us Angels at a time that we need one. I think you had an encounter with one that day. I bet your live from that day forward, even if it was only for a bit, was changed. As you said, it came at a time when you needed someone to agree with you and even though we may not believe in God, he still reveals himself in many ways to us. Because even before we were born, he knew us and hopes that one day we will come to know who he truly is. What a wonderful experience you had. Thank you for sharing.
www.rainhemp.com
 

deblee71

Well-Known Member
Your right, it does need to be clarified.

Kids from single parent families do definitely learn from that one parent. They learn a lot but nothing can take the role of that missing parent. I've been a single parent for 21 years. I am now raising my grandson and granddaughter (which my son had before he died). When I had my two older boys, I figured I could be both dad and mom to them. I believed I could be and do everything alone. When I had my third boy (he is now 12) I changed my thinking over time, I've come to realize that no matter how hard I try to be both parents, I can only teach my kids what I have learned. I can only teach them on a mother's perspective. I can't rough house like a dad can, this actually teaches boys a lot of things. A boy and a girl take away certain things from each parent. Each parent brings their own dynamics of teaching. Without having a dad (in my case) the boys will learn how to treat a women by what he sees on the media and what their peers teach him. In this case, a very good role model needs to be placed in their lives, so they can learn and even this is sometimes not enough. Role models unless they are a family member come and go into once live. The same for a girl. A dad will teach her how a good man should treat her. This is if the dad is a good, loving and caring father. In a single parent home, a child will learn the things he has to learn, that the mother can't teach, through media, peers and what other people do as one parent can't teach all things to her/his child.

Han, in my opinion, I believe that God sends us Angels at a time that we need one. I think you had an encounter with one that day. I bet your live from that day forward, even if it was only for a bit, was changed. As you said, it came at a time when you needed someone to agree with you and even though we may not believe in God, he still reveals himself in many ways to us. Because even before we were born, he knew us and hopes that one day we will come to know who he truly is. What a wonderful experience you had. Thank you for sharing.
www.rainhemp.com
Fantastic explanation Raindrops, I couldn't agree more!! As a single-parent myself to a 7 year old girl I can totally empathise. I have tried to teach her as much as I can but I do think she craves that male involvement sometimes. But for me it was better for me to leave her dad who would have constantly let her down than see her get hurt! I am also glad I have a girl as I feel it would be even worse for a boy without a father figure around. I also grew up with my mum being a single-parent (for most of my childhood) and I definately missed out on that male role model once my grand father died. But I was lucky that I had a mum who was able to teach me good morals and values (not everyone is that lucky I guess).

Thank you for the clarification!
Debxx
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Fantastic explanation Raindrops, I couldn't agree more!! As a single-parent myself to a 7 year old girl I can totally empathise. I have tried to teach her as much as I can but I do think she craves that male involvement sometimes. But for me it was better for me to leave her dad who would have constantly let her down than see her get hurt! I am also glad I have a girl as I feel it would be even worse for a boy without a father figure around. I also grew up with my mum being a single-parent (for most of my childhood) and I definately missed out on that male role model once my grand father died. But I was lucky that I had a mum who was able to teach me good morals and values (not everyone is that lucky I guess).

Thank you for the clarification!
Debxx
I was a single parent to a boy for a long time Deb, his father having very little input into his life...especially during his formative years....for the first few years he had that male role model in my own father who taught him all the fundamentals..however when my father died there most definitely was a 'gap', and it was a gap that as a woman i could definitely not fill no matter how hard i tried...do i feel my son missed out, yes without a doubt, however, he has turned out to be a reasonably well adjusted, compassionate young man, with a fairly high set of morals and rights and wrongs!! cant ask for more really. Time will tell if the lack of a father figure in his adolescence years especially has affected him....
 

daffodil

Well-Known Member
Hi i agree that it is obviously the ideal for a child to have both parents around BUT i would also have to say it is better for a child to have one good parent than two parents , who for whatever reason are not good role models. EG if the two parents constantly argue, this is not a good environment to be brought up in.

I have two boys and a girl and brought them up alone for most of their formative yrs, all three are well adjusted, hard working, adults. There does not have to be negative effects from single parenthood (although i am not saying this is the ideal) i am saying it can work.

My boys were lucky maybe as i did do rough and tumble with them, i did play football, take them to matches and encourage them to participate in physical pursuits.
 

deblee71

Well-Known Member
Hi i agree that it is obviously the ideal for a child to have both parents around BUT i would also have to say it is better for a child to have one good parent than two parents , who for whatever reason are not good role models. EG if the two parents constantly argue, this is not a good environment to be brought up in.

I have two boys and a girl and brought them up alone for most of their formative yrs, all three are well adjusted, hard working, adults. There does not have to be negative effects from single parenthood (although i am not saying this is the ideal) i am saying it can work.

My boys were lucky maybe as i did do rough and tumble with them, i did play football, take them to matches and encourage them to participate in physical pursuits.
Well said Daff, unfortunately there is a lot of stigma around single mums and I do find that I'm forever having to 'prove' myself to those who are ignorant about the subject! The stigma has stemmed from a small minority that become single mums for the wrong reasons. We all know what those reasons are! I guess the stigma can be related in the same way that Tunisian men are labelled because of some bad apples;).

Absolutely true that it is much more harmful for a child to be in a family full of conflict than with just one loving parent. My home is calm, happy, full of fun, and very, very loving!! No shouting or conflict (unless I've got PMT of course...joke:p). Some parents stay together for the wrong reasons I feel. They think that they are doing it for the sakes of the kids but it can actually cause more long-term psychological damage due to conflict/arguments/bad atmosphere etc xx
 

ROULLA

Registered User
Hi Everyone hope that you are all in good health! I take my hat off to alot of single parents who bring up their children alone and even though I do feel that it is nice to have both your parents this is not the case unfortunately but what I will say is that I think that having one parent is better in the way that the child does not get confused, How many times have I said NO to my kids and then their dad says YES so it can be a bit confusing for the child in that way but on the other hand I grew up without my dad and I yearned for a cuddle but I survived and I praise my mum for doing it all on her own. See you later or I will be late:)Hope this makes sence.
 

lynn

Well-Known Member
well I was a single mother to 4 for years and mine never missed out on anything, even went to church on sundays, but as they grown up have decided not to practice religion, which is their choice, but in my opinion kids don't need both parents mine were far better off with just me, had good upbringing all have done well for themselves and a lot of single parents kids are better off without the father figure, I think it depends on the child more than the parents how they turn out and many have said that my kids are a credit to me and that I did well bringing them up.
 

Milk

Well-Known Member
I to play football and soccer with my son, I'll even rough play but when I see him playing with a male, I know I can't replace what he's getting from playing with them. He has played football (not football as in Africa, we call this soccer, but physical contact football in Canada) for the last few years but now that he'll be in grade 7 next year he can play in the school team. He's really good. I'm really proud of him, he volunteers, is a natural leader in school, can look after babies, is well liked by others, very good with horses and enjoys helping others. He's growing up to be a fine man despite not having his father around. Many kids grow up to be well adjusted kids despite not having the other parent around. I don't think it's healthy to have a parent around who is abusive or not involved with the family. It causes a lot of heart ache as an adult. A single parent can definitely raise successful and healthy children.

I have discussions with my friends stating how fortunate I am sometimes that I don't have a man in the house to contradict what I say as a parent. There are definitely advantages to single parenthood. There are definitely positives to having a man around as well. Where I live a lot of men work up North, make tons of money, leave for about 3 weeks out of the month-Maybe!? I can have the best of both worlds - hahaha I'm just kidding. In my province, the divorce rate and being a single parent is very high because of this reason, besides other reasons but this definitely does not help. I definitely don't want a dead beat role model for my kids living in our home, I would rather choose to be a single parent for the next 20 years then to choose this. WoW! I hope I meet a wonderful man sooner then later, doing the math and the odds of me getting married at that age doesn't sound appealing - haha and when I'm in my 60's I'll probably change my mind. If it does, that means I would have parented for 40 years as a successful single parent.

Thank you for each input put into this thread. I very much enjoyed reading what others had to say and your stories. I appreciate what I had to say is validated and enjoyed by you. Brings a sense of encouragement-Thank you for this. I look forward to further discussions.
www.rainhemp.com
 

Marie1959

Well-Known Member
Children learn from whom ever they are with I brought 3 of my own children up with a husband and when he died was left alone over the past 10 and a half years i raised mt now 11 year old grand daughter bringing her up with the same morals and rules we did has a couple our own. I have now married again and she has the benefit of a man around the house but this will not change the way she has been brought up whilst I was alone. I have seen many children's lives ruined because couples have stayed together because of the children and it has caused many many problems. Being in a bad relationship and children seeing and feeling the tension is not good for anyone.
 
C

Cas

Guest
Can I gently steer this thread back on topic please, this has been a valuable discussion all the same, maybe we need a thread "Parenting" ?
 

Marie1959

Well-Known Member
lol we women tend to wander sometimes Cas Sorry xx
 
C

Cas

Guest
I`m also guilty Marie xx If anyone would like any queries answered re Islam as presented in language for Western understanding we have available some literature we can quote from. Quite comprehensive coverage of topics also.
 

Milk

Well-Known Member
I`m also guilty Marie xx If anyone would like any queries answered re Islam as presented in language for Western understanding we have available some literature we can quote from. Quite comprehensive coverage of topics also.
Cas, I believe that would be helpful to add links onto the thread about Islam.

For those who have a Smart Phone, you can download the Qur'an onto your phone. It's useful having it on your phone, this is how I got to read it. I have two versions of the bible onto my phone as well so I can pull up scripture anytime I want.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
Cas, I believe that would be helpful to add links onto the thread about Islam.

For those who have a Smart Phone, you can download the Qur'an onto your phone. It's useful having it on your phone, this is how I got to read it. I have two versions of the bible onto my phone as well so I can pull up scripture anytime I want.
Yes i also think it would be helpful to add links onto this thread, as i have greatly enjoyed these conversations and would hate to see them stop.....its very very interesting to hear other peoples spiritual/religious/parental views.

I like that your status is 'inspired' Raindrops!!! cos i actually think youre pretty 'inspiring' too. xx
 

Milk

Well-Known Member
I think there should be another thread started. One that could be linked up to the different spiritual/religious/parental views where links from the internet can be added. This thread is quit long and information as such would be lost and not be easily seen.

Could have two? One for views and another where it's just links. Threads with views get lengthy and information easily lost among the views.

Just a suggestion so do it as you think would be most helpful
www.rainhemp.com
 
C

Cas

Guest
Have to check that our particular range of info is available online, we actually have it in good old fashioned printed matter from the source. Yes can have a thread with links but sectioned into various sub-topics or just a general content but only links?
 

Milk

Well-Known Member
Have to check that our particular range of info is available online, we actually have it in good old fashioned printed matter from the source. Yes can have a thread with links but sectioned into various sub-topics or just a general content but only links?

sectioned into various sub-topics - Easier to find

general content with links is nice as you can just scroll down, find the info you want, especially if one wants to compare or debate something. Of course those who left the link would have to write a brief summary of what the link is about or you'll have a thread full of links, that don't mean much to anybody. Would probably have to leave debating/discussions for another thread. They get to lengthy and then those who want to come after will have a hard time to find the specific information that their looking for. I found this when I was trying to find a Tunisian recipe but when I went to the thread, I had to scroll through about 4 pages just to find out the recipe is no where to be found. Was time consuming and a bit frustrating. I finally just went to the internet to find the recipe.

Others may have suggestions
 

missmetal

Well-Known Member
You would all make my husband so proud, he loves to boast at how many european women are converting...i know u are not. but it sounds possible if you're downloading the book. He's not that lucky with me LOL, my opinions are too strong! Im interested in the subject and the history, I wish he could discuss the history more rather than preach...oh well, we cant have it all. LOL!
 

Reba1986

Well-Known Member
You would all make my husband so proud, he loves to boast at how many european women are converting...i know u are not. but it sounds possible if you're downloading the book. He's not that lucky with me LOL, my opinions are too strong! Im interested in the subject and the history, I wish he could discuss the history more rather than preach...oh well, we cant have it all. LOL!
Here is another that wont be converting :) I dont even take interest in my own religion so I wont be in anyone else's.
 
C

Cas

Guest
Think it`s prudent to take an interest in all my husbands beliefs and views irregardless of whether I agree with them, it`s all part of what makes up Him.
 
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