Dating a Tunisian man and need some pointers please!

Gooddaystocome

New Member
#1
I'm from the US and have been talking to my boyfriend for 4 months and it's a crazy story but we met playing UNO during the pandemic. Eventually he changed his name so I could find him. Up until today things have been amazing. We talk everyday and video call often. He's kind and caring. I've planned to go out there in August since it's much easier for me to go there than him come here. We have so many amazing places we're planning on visiting. He's paying for everything while I'm there. Says I'm his guest and I believe it. I most definitely will go there with enough money to take care of myself if this is all bullshit. I'm currently going through a divorce and it's not final yet. My facebook has my married name and he mentioned today that he doesn't understand why I'm still using my ex's family name. WOW! He's right. I didn't really think about it. My plan was once the divorce was final it would be like a rite of passage for me but now that I'm beginning a relationship with him this makes sense. So, while I was changing my name on facebook I realized my relationship status was set to single. I asked him if he wanted me to change this. He told me yes he wants the world to know we're together, as do I. I explained if I did this it would post on his page and want to make sure that's OK with him. I know there are SO many cultural differences we have to face and thought this might be one of them. He did explain his page was public and he has over 4,000 friends and that he didn't want them messaging me if we shared it. He said most of them he didn't know. It told him not to worry about it. My love for him was strong and I did my research and nothing they could say would get in the way. We did it an my family and friends and some of his started commenting. I felt proud of my next step in my journey. Then I clicked to see my best friends comment and our pictures were gone and so was his name. He deleted it! He actually marked the post as private. I felt like an idiot. I'm getting messages from my family and friends. When he called I was crying. Told him what he did hurt me. What am I missing!?! Is it other woman? Is it me being American? I haven't had ONE red flag until tonight. He tried to fix it and add it back but I removed my relationship status. I know the red flags are Visa's and Money. I really have a feeling in my gut it's cultural. Please help. I don't want to walk away and miss out on the amazing man I thought I had. Thanks!
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#2
Hello There,

Welcome to the forum.

I dont want to be mean but this is my perspective based experience.

You have not stated if you are much older than him etc etc.

Now Tunisia is not the poorest but many people are poor and youth unemployment is very high.

This means a lot of good looking young boys have a lot of time on their hands and by young I mean Tunisian young which is under 40.

Go to any internet cafe or cafe these days and often you will fine groups of guys passing the time online chatting to girls and sometimes its almost like a little call centre with the guys using skills in multiple languages that in another country would be used in gainful employment.

Now life in Tunisia is not like Europe where a good looking boy with no job and a poor family can get lots of sex here in Tunisia girls are often religious but importantly are careful in the main not to waste time on "loosers" as it is very unlikely that a) anyone poor will become rich if they are not rich already b) to get pregnant would outside of marriage bring shame and inside.... poverty. Ironically if you are rich you can have a lot of sex because girls and boys will throw themselves at a chance of a better life.

So now you have essentially a lot of guys whom women and society does not want or need so they logically look for a way out which consists of a) get a job abroad (difficult if not education) b) crime (prison) c) illegal immigration (costs money and hard) d) marrying a rich older lady and get her to set you up.

So put yourself in their position horny, bored and skint and you come to the logical conclusion that d) is a good option as even if you dont get to go a few foreign friends sending you some dollars a month can make a good side gig. You may also get some sex when they visit and then the big one you may get a chance to move to the EU, UK or USA in their mind everyone is rich there and 5-10 years of sexually serving their sponsor and they can return to Tunisia a big deal and marry one of those young good looking Tunisian girls who treated them like a nobody before they left.

In Tunisia this is not cultural its called Bezness and there is even a film about it.


Its old but the motivations have not changed before the guys had to romance tourists now they use the internet.

I will answer some of your points....

we met playing UNO during the pandemic. Eventually he changed his name so I could find him. Up until today things have been amazing. We talk everyday and video call often. He's kind and caring. I've planned to go out there in August since it's much easier for me to go there than him come here.

Ok so he cannot get visa to USA so from the start he is poorer than you are. You met online = red flag

I'm currently going through a divorce and it's not final yet.

Sounds like an ideal target

He did explain his page was public and he has over 4,000 friends and that he didn't want them messaging me if we shared it. He said most of them he didn't know.

To be fair to him this is work not love so its not good business sense to show exclusivity to his other potential customers. I bet 100$ you will be one of many leads/possibles/irons in fire.

Is it other woman? Is it me being American?

Nope if your from a wealthier or even a equal but interesting country you are an option. My 13 year old daughter (half Tunisian/English) gets loads of spammy approaches from these guys. Even if she was over 18 Culturally they should speak to me (or her brother if I am dead) first before they even speak to my daughter so culture and religion are not in play.

I haven't had ONE red flag until tonight. He tried to fix it and add it back but I removed my relationship status. I know the red flags are Visa's and Money. I really have a feeling in my gut it's cultural.

Visas, money, sex and adventure = yes

Culture = Nope its a way out of their situation. Reverse the sexes and say you where a guy and he a woman from Thailand/Ukraine yes sometimes it works but over the internet,,,,, loads of scams and you would be a fool (a kind hearted one) to believe you where the only one.

Please help. I don't want to walk away and miss out on the amazing man I thought I had.

I think you are going to have to beak this mindset. Love is a Disney concept in many parts of the world my advice is not to delude yourself that you love someone you have never met especially when still legally married to another person (rebound syndrome).

By all means make friends with them and then visit Tunisia with the objective of having fun and visiting this beautiful and fascinating country.

Once you are here do as they do make friends and chat with people dont look for love and your eyes will be opened.

But dont send any money to this guy dont get deluded.
 
#3
I'm from the US and have been talking to my boyfriend for 4 months and it's a crazy story but we met playing UNO during the pandemic. Eventually he changed his name so I could find him. Up until today things have been amazing. We talk everyday and video call often. He's kind and caring. I've planned to go out there in August since it's much easier for me to go there than him come here. We have so many amazing places we're planning on visiting. He's paying for everything while I'm there. Says I'm his guest and I believe it. I most definitely will go there with enough money to take care of myself if this is all bullshit. I'm currently going through a divorce and it's not final yet. My facebook has my married name and he mentioned today that he doesn't understand why I'm still using my ex's family name. WOW! He's right. I didn't really think about it. My plan was once the divorce was final it would be like a rite of passage for me but now that I'm beginning a relationship with him this makes sense. So, while I was changing my name on facebook I realized my relationship status was set to single. I asked him if he wanted me to change this. He told me yes he wants the world to know we're together, as do I. I explained if I did this it would post on his page and want to make sure that's OK with him. I know there are SO many cultural differences we have to face and thought this might be one of them. He did explain his page was public and he has over 4,000 friends and that he didn't want them messaging me if we shared it. He said most of them he didn't know. It told him not to worry about it. My love for him was strong and I did my research and nothing they could say would get in the way. We did it an my family and friends and some of his started commenting. I felt proud of my next step in my journey. Then I clicked to see my best friends comment and our pictures were gone and so was his name. He deleted it! He actually marked the post as private. I felt like an idiot. I'm getting messages from my family and friends. When he called I was crying. Told him what he did hurt me. What am I missing!?! Is it other woman? Is it me being American? I haven't had ONE red flag until tonight. He tried to fix it and add it back but I removed my relationship status. I know the red flags are Visa's and Money. I really have a feeling in my gut it's cultural. Please help. I don't want to walk away and miss out on the amazing man I thought I had. Thanks!
What kind of help do need exactly??
 

Cristirene

New Member
#4
I'm from the US and have been talking to my boyfriend for 4 months and it's a crazy story but we met playing UNO during the pandemic. Eventually he changed his name so I could find him. Up until today things have been amazing. We talk everyday and video call often. He's kind and caring. I've planned to go out there in August since it's much easier for me to go there than him come here. We have so many amazing places we're planning on visiting. He's paying for everything while I'm there. Says I'm his guest and I believe it. I most definitely will go there with enough money to take care of myself if this is all bullshit. I'm currently going through a divorce and it's not final yet. My facebook has my married name and he mentioned today that he doesn't understand why I'm still using my ex's family name. WOW! He's right. I didn't really think about it. My plan was once the divorce was final it would be like a rite of passage for me but now that I'm beginning a relationship with him this makes sense. So, while I was changing my name on facebook I realized my relationship status was set to single. I asked him if he wanted me to change this. He told me yes he wants the world to know we're together, as do I. I explained if I did this it would post on his page and want to make sure that's OK with him. I know there are SO many cultural differences we have to face and thought this might be one of them. He did explain his page was public and he has over 4,000 friends and that he didn't want them messaging me if we shared it. He said most of them he didn't know. It told him not to worry about it. My love for him was strong and I did my research and nothing they could say would get in the way. We did it an my family and friends and some of his started commenting. I felt proud of my next step in my journey. Then I clicked to see my best friends comment and our pictures were gone and so was his name. He deleted it! He actually marked the post as private. I felt like an idiot. I'm getting messages from my family and friends. When he called I was crying. Told him what he did hurt me. What am I missing!?! Is it other woman? Is it me being American? I haven't had ONE red flag until tonight. He tried to fix it and add it back but I removed my relationship status. I know the red flags are Visa's and Money. I really have a feeling in my gut it's cultural. Please help. I don't want to walk away and miss out on the amazing man I thought I had. Thanks!
Hello.
I am currently here in Tunisia.I married my online fiancee of 3 years 2 weeks ago.Yes we have an age difference also.I want to tell you its been really hard for us because i wasnt able to get here for 2 years since my last visit because of a car accident i was i was passenger in almost died 2x then covid so its been hell.I want to say through it all we loved eachother and waited patiently for me.It was hard because we are both extremely jealous and social media was killing our trust but you have to clear and precise with him what you want and expect from him.I truly hope and wish you the best but im here if you want to talk.
 

Gooddaystocome

New Member
#5
Hello.
I am currently here in Tunisia.I married my online fiancee of 3 years 2 weeks ago.Yes we have an age difference also.I want to tell you its been really hard for us because i wasnt able to get here for 2 years since my last visit because of a car accident i was i was passenger in almost died 2x then covid so its been hell.I want to say through it all we loved eachother and waited patiently for me.It was hard because we are both extremely jealous and social media was killing our trust but you have to clear and precise with him what you want and expect from him.I truly hope and wish you the best but im here if you want to talk.
Thank you Cristirene for responding! Congratulations on your wedding! I'm so happy to hear you had a happy ending. <3 I have no more fears about my boyfriend. Everyday gets better and the fears have melted away. I'm looking forward to going to Tunisia in August and seeing where my relationship is going. I'm living for today and somehow each day gets better. I have not one ounce of jealousy and if I do then I'll move on. He's a good man and I'm blessed we met. Again thank you for reaching out to help ease my worries.
 
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