Difficulty settling in

lola

New Member
#1
Hi my husband has been in the Uk for 3 weeks and he's finding it really hard to settle in. He has admitted he feels lonely and it's harder than he expected it to be.
I am out at work all day and he is currently looking for work. He seems very depressed, we were so excited when we got the visa but now he seems so deflated. Our relationship is very good and it feels like we have always lived together. I can't imagine how hard it must be to move to another country and leave everything behind. I'm trying to support him but I don't know what else to do. When I be home from work he's sitting in the park freezing cold.
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#2
I don't think anyone would suggest that it will be easy for him at this stage but you could perhaps start making a list of things which he could do to fill in time whilst you're at work. It won't help that the weather is getting colder so the first thing might be to make sure he wraps up warmly when he goes out. If he hasn't got many warm clothes and money is tight at present encourage him to look in the local charity shops. where they often have excellent things ridiculously cheap. These days they don't only cater for the impoverished but for anyone who likes a bargain (including me. :) ) Talking of charity shops, he might like to think about offering his services as they often need helpers and any voluntary work like this would impress potential employers.

It's good that he's already looking for work but you could look at things which might help him here. How is his English. both spoken and written? Even if it is reasonably good it won't hurt him to sign up for classes to improve it. What sort of work is he looking for? If he has a skill such a mechanic, decorator or similar he might like to approach local firms and offer his services on a trial basis. either free or at a reduced rate for a short time. If he proves his worth he would probably be taken on full time when they had a vacancy.

As you're at work why not let him do some of the local shopping for you? If you can give him a reasonably small list most days, not only will he get used to the area but also get to meet the locals. Can he cook? If so let him do the evening meal for you occasionally. It goes without saying that he can run the vaccuum cleaner round and wash up the breakfast things but cooking a meal (and being praised for his efforts) might be even more appealing. If he can't cook now may be the time to teach him.

Have a look on line, in your local paper or library for things which are happening in the area. It may not be the time of year to go exploring outdoors too much but my local paper is always full of adverts for talks etc. and at least it would give him something to do and a chance to meet others.

That's just a few ideas off the top of my head but I'm sure others may be able to provide more. Tell him to hang in there and it will get better. I wish you both all the best.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#3
People seem to think that once the visa is issued and they arrive, that all the stress and hard work is gone...lol...not so, it's only just begun!!

It's very very early days, 3 weeks....he needs to get out there, knocking on doors, trying to find work...at the moment he's in limbo land, I'm sure meanwhile there's plenty of things round the home that need doing. Aslemma had a good idea about him improving his language skills, will build his confidence up. Check out your local colleges, lots offer courses for free or at reduced rates. If he's not driving, get him the theory test book, apply for his provisional. There's lots of things he can be doing right now that he'll find easier to do sooner rather than later when he'll be working.

Stick it out, don't pander to him too much..;)...it'll all come good in the end. Xx
 

janette

Well-Known Member
#4
Hi Lola, there is a Facebook page TWAGS which is strictly for the wives and girlfriends of Tunisians where you will find lots of empathy, support and advice from ladies who have been in your position. It is a closed group and potential members have to confirm that they are in a relationship before being accepted, so you are able to speak freely as any posts are unable to be seen by the nosey people out there! :) Things will get better!
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#5
3 weeks is no time at all if he wants it to get better it will get better.

  • make sure you have internet so he can call home
  • zapp tv so he can see the football and news in Tunisia
  • join a sports club if he has a sport or gym
  • If he is in a large city there will be Tunisians there or other Arab speaking people to hang about with (beware of bad influences)
  • If he cannot get a job then best to either go on a course and or go work for a charity so he can mix with other people and make friends.
Ultimately some people are passive and in such cases they often end up going home.
 

bascar

Member
#6
Kris how can we get Zapp tv .... my husband misses the Tunisian football a lot and Id love to get it for him for a christmas pressie
 

Mezoo

VIP Member
#7
Hi my husband has been in the Uk for 3 weeks and he is currently looking for work. I can't imagine how hard it must be to move to another country and leave everything behind.When I be home from work he's sitting in the park freezing cold.
3 weeks,? huh? tough to move from tunisia to uk?, toughen up fella.
looking for work, 8 hours a day? must be applying at many many places...
sitting in the park? what's that all about>?

Hi Lola, there is a Facebook page TWAGS which is strictly for the wives and girlfriends of Tunisians where you will find lots of empathy, support and advice from ladies who have been in your position. It is a closed group and potential members have to confirm that they are in a relationship before being accepted, so you are able to speak freely as any posts are unable to be seen by the nosey people out there! :) Things will get better!
Excellent advice for you lola....you'll learn a lot and follow experienced advice.
you have to be the one who drives this "transition" period.

3 weeks is no time at all if he wants it to get better it will get better.
  • make sure you have internet so he can call home
  • zapp tv so he can see the football and news in Tunisia
  • join a sports club if he has a sport or gym
  • If he cannot get a job then best to either go on a course and or go work for a charity so he can mix with other people and make friends.
Ultimately some people are passive and in such cases they often end up going home.
kris is so right. can't be passive and you understand the place at which you are, not him
internet, for his JOB search should be #1 right now then these things next.
things will get better but you must be the one to influence events at this point in time
good luck :)
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#8
Kris how can we get Zapp tv .... my husband misses the Tunisian football a lot and Id love to get it for him for a christmas pressie
They sell them on ebay and there are alternatives.

in essence they connect to the internet and stream the free sat channels which would require a large dish (2/2.4m) to get in the UK

http://www.ebay.co.uk/bhp/zaaptv

Always get the latest one as they sometimes cut off older models as there is no subscription after the cost of the unit.

You need 2 meg + connection and try and make sure you dont have traffic shaping (virgin etc) as this uses a ton of bandwidth
 

bascar

Member
#9
no good for me then ..i have virgin so no dish ..:( thanks anyway
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#10
I have virgin also it works ok bu somtimes it slows down at the weekends.

I have a lot of students near me also so maybe its that.

If you have the higher level plans 100 meg etc they dont have such traffic shaping measures apparently
 

lola

New Member
#11
Mezoo I didn't say he was looking for jobs 8 hours a day, I said he is currently looking for work???? I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean by your comment?

Thank you to everyone for your advice I will check out the TWAGS FB page, I think it may come in useful.
Things are much better he has joined a dance group and has found some casual work which will help until he can find alternative employment.
 

marhaba

Well-Known Member
#12
Which part of the UK are you in?
Maybe see if there is Tunisians in your area he can possibly make friends in. My husband came over for 3 weeks and decided the UK is not for him so he went back to Ireland. He has a good paying job there that he has had from the first week of arriving.
What was his profession whilst he was in Tunisia?
 

lola

New Member
#13
Hi we are in the Ipswich area, there doesn't seem to be many other tunisians. He has found a dance group in Norwich that he has started to go to once a week and has made some friends there as it's a very multi cultural group.
It is very difficult for them to settle and I guess it can take months to adapt. Will you just continue to have a long distance relationship with your husband or will you move to Ireland?
 

Kris

Administrator
Staff member
#14
The other thing is there are quite a lot of class and sub groups in Tunisia so when to Tunisians get together its not quite as easy for them to get along as say Brits in Tunisia.

  • Where are they from?
  • Are they educated or not
  • are they trustworthy or rough
  • are they so religious they will Judge me / are they not religious enough they will leave me me astray.
  • Will they gossip about me in Tunisia

So unfortunately Tunisians have a reputation for not being that friendly to each (especially outside Tunisia) other based on and not limited to the above factors.
 

Mezoo

VIP Member
#15
Maybe see if there is Tunisians in your area he can possibly make friends in. ?
bad for assimilating and leads to trouble. if he wanted to hang with Tunisians he should of brought you there to live. find his countrymen after he's settled and has decent employment or he could wind up a "coffee shop guy", just like in Tunisia. see below:

The other thing is there are quite a lot of class and sub groups in Tunisia so when to Tunisians get together its not quite as easy for them to get along as say Brits in Tunisia.
  • Where are they from?
  • Are they educated or not
  • are they trustworthy or rough
  • are they so religious they will Judge me / are they not religious enough they will leave me me astray.
  • Will they gossip about me in Tunisia
So unfortunately Tunisians have a reputation for not being that friendly to each (especially outside Tunisia) other based on and not limited to the above factors.
this is experience and knowledge speaking... :peeking:
 
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