Does anyone know how to deal with Love Rats/Players/Losers/Bezness boys

the highlander

Active Member
aljaye
you say NO WOMAN would go back for more and yes thats the question we have asked since her return
but in her defence i suppose, we have since met others from the uk that were there at the same time and everyone of them said "oh sam he was a really lovely man" and as far as others, i found out cause i have been contacted from 2 other ladies from england that were having relationships with him at the same time
one even ended an 18 year marriage based on his promises and it was through what happened to our friend that it came out,
even on here a few members that go to the hotel regular pm me to say he was a really nice guy but 1 did say he had a fault, that he would go looking for *** from the tourists then ignore them when he got what he wanted
hahahaha now am a guy aljaye i didnt say i understood ladies
god you lot, when i read on here and other places make my head spin
but hey ho it takes all sorts
i dont know cause i havnt been there but i was brought up to show ladies respect
no means no and all that
but i hear numerous account of men acting like cavemen u know what i mean the possesive kind
and guess what hahaha i have been told by pm that this is what the ladies want "it makes them feel wanted"
arrrrghhhhhhh
all the best
oh and btw he didnt just say i have a condom, that was after spending time with the company yes i agree she should have walked but i am lead to believe that when she told him no, he backed off
then next day asked her to go to disco and the excuse was he left his wallet
and on 3rd night again in the company he asked her to go for a walk to say sorry
now she thought after talking to the other females in the company that maybe he was a genuine guy cause of what he was saying to other females like "can you get xxxxx to talk to me i am really sorry"
now i said physically fought him off cause that how it was told to us
but that could have meant he was trying to be more forceful and that it took more than just a no this time
agian i am i suppose agreeing with you,cause we said or one of the lassies here said "what he sexually assaulted u" and she said no but i had to fight him off
all the best
 

feefad

Well-Known Member
highlander, you're up and about far too early!!! lol
 

aljaye

Well-Known Member
It does take all sorts....I agree..but most women and girls I know wouldnt be that "innocent" he's showed his colours the first time they were alone..if thats what she wanted then thats fine, whatever happened after is up to her. But to claim afterwards she didnt want that seems a bit daft to me. You don't put your hand in the fire and not expect it to be hot.
The first night I went with my BF I was after a laugh with a cute young guy nothing more..he bought me a coke in the nightclub and had nothing himself just stood and enjoyed the music..yes things went from there but that was because I was letting it. If I had said I'm going back to the hotel now thanks there would have been no problem. he didnt force me to stay out..and he didnt force me to go back to the bar the night after..there were plenty of other places to go..in fact thinking about it I took the lead in the whole thing. He may have been after just *** but he was in no way pushing the issue at all. If he had I would have said bye sweetie..Im off to swim with the sunbed man!
So I'd take the tale of woe with a pinch of salt myself as most women I know wouldnt be swayed by any smarmy promises if they had that conversation that early on. Unless it was what they wanted.
Maybe you are just too nice and think all people are as honest as you!
 
N

NIEZ

Guest
it does take all sorts....i agree..but most women and girls i know wouldnt be that "innocent" he's showed his colours the first time they were alone..if thats what she wanted then thats fine, whatever happened after is up to her. But to claim afterwards she didnt want that seems a bit daft to me. You don't put your hand in the fire and not expect it to be hot.
The first night i went with my bf i was after a laugh with a cute young guy nothing more..he bought me a coke in the nightclub and had nothing himself just stood and enjoyed the music..yes things went from there but that was because i was letting it. If i had said i'm going back to the hotel now thanks there would have been no problem. He didnt force me to stay out..and he didnt force me to go back to the bar the night after..there were plenty of other places to go..in fact thinking about it i took the lead in the whole thing. He may have been after just *** but he was in no way pushing the issue at all. If he had i would have said bye sweetie..im off to swim with the sunbed man!
So i'd take the tale of woe with a pinch of salt myself as most women i know wouldnt be swayed by any smarmy promises if they had that conversation that early on. Unless it was what they wanted.
Maybe you are just too nice and think all people are as honest as you!
i agree with you aljaye 1000%, you just read my mind i was going to say the same but you quicker
 

maria1

New Member
continuation

As said previously, this is not a new topic here, but it is for me, and interesting. Of course is not just tunisian men that are "love rats", but we are on a tunisian chat site. Of course not all "age gap" marriages go wrong, be it the female older or the male. My point is that to fall in love over the internet is not being terribly realistic, thats my view. There are reasons why, actually there are always reasons for everything, and then come the actins and then come the consequences, as there are always outcomes/consequences after actions/behaviours. Lets face it, we have to pay the piper, and we can only hope the price isnt too high. And then to fall in love on holiday, with this love being so honest so genuine and so true that it will last forever, really? I wonder. . Another thing, take some ancient old wrinkly, worn out unwell etc etc., be it man or woman and marry this person to some lovely healthy fit and beautifull person, young and lively, full of life, really, how long do you think things will last? do you really think this could be true love? Of course, anything is possible, and no doubt true love HAS happened with these circumstances, but i take things too far to explain what I mean. A few years age gap is nothing, 10/12 - this can mean very little, depending on how old the people are, and what gender. Holiday romances have always happened, they are fun, exciting, no need to lose our morals over it. And yes, there is love at first sight, I do believe in this, but its rare. I am saying, more to women than these young guys, look after yourself, dont believe everything you hear, have pride, have respect for yourself, have dignity, and for goodness sake USE YOUR COMMON SENSE.More so now, with all of these internet connections, some people are so clever for their own reasons and others are vulnerable, its really that simple, but the outcome is often not.
 

aljaye

Well-Known Member
And meeting a man of your age in a bar makes it more genuine?
I have seem some women with young men in Tunisia..and I do think..ooh hope I dont look like that..I even saw one with TWO men..she was dyed and fake tanned and obviously happy to be keeping these young men.
But just because you are over 40 doesnt mean you have passed your sell by date..if you start to think and act old you will become old..simple fact.
And Ive said this before but Ill say it again..women all over the world want to be like Madonna, Demi Moore, Julia Roberts etc..and hmm..lets see ..how OLD are they?
A woman can be in her fifties and classy and beautiful..so why shouldnt she have a younger man be in love with her?
 

sianperkins89

Well-Known Member
aljaye its not only just an age thing in that context. i feel the same about people lookin at me..... when im with my boyfriend in a cafe or bar or something im hoping people arent thinking like ohh there goes another european girl looking for *** with a tunisian guy i bet she has a new one every month! people that my boyfriend knows were warning him about me before i visited him the first time that im gonna use him and then dump him, they didnt even know me or hadnt seen me!! it was just the fact that i was from england so he better he careful. i was only 18, quite shy and never had a boyfriend before, what makes them think im gonna use him for fun and dump him?! just coz im english im a *** crazed lunatic apparently haha
i bet people are thinkin like 'shes too unattractive to get a boyfriend in england so she comes here for easy pickings!' lol or 'look at the guy shes with i bet he just wants a ticket to england' stuff like that.
i guess people are always gonna have those thoughts when they see tunisian/european couples together when one or both of them are young. they see just the woman coming for a good time with the man, i hate it when people look at me like that when they see me. thats why i cant wait to get a ring on my finger so everyone can stop making horrible comments or giving us horrible looks and realise that love is actually possible between a tunisian and a european woman! and if they do make horrible comments at least a husband will be able to do something about it, the law wont condone protecting a ''girlfriend'' i guess the term girlfriend means nothing to most people there so its why i wish to be married :) (plus i love him haha)
 

skele

Well-Known Member
Yes alijaye, everyone is different. It's all these sweeping generalisations that drive me crazy. I don't look my age and i'm not like most people my age. Some people look a lot older than they are and some a lot younger. Everyone is shaped by their own life experiences and hey this is a crazy idea but....SOME PEOPLE DON'T THINK THAT APPEARANCES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!
 

aljaye

Well-Known Member
Yes alijaye, everyone is different. It's all these sweeping generalisations that drive me crazy. I don't look my age and i'm not like most people my age. Some people look a lot older than they are and some a lot younger. Everyone is shaped by their own life experiences and hey this is a crazy idea but....SOME PEOPLE DON'T THINK THAT APPEARANCES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!
I am so with you there....age is a number..after all we are all in the hands of fate anwyay..so why worry about it! I get really fed up of, as you say, the generalisation that because a woman is in her late forties she must be old and haggard and not really worthy of a young mans attention!!:eek:
 

maria1

New Member
continued

All very interesting comments and thanks. I came to this site for a reason, a young friend had an upsetting experience re the internet and a lady (happily married to a tunisian guy, and living there mostly) advised me to come to this site. I have enjoyed reading and learning, I still have much to learn and read (I hope). I am not a young woman, and I have seen/experienced relationships between different races, cultures, skin colour, religion etc etc over many years. I have no prejudice and i am not opposed. Love rats are not new and certainly not confined to tunisia, i had one myself from Britain. Some of my friends have age differences in their relationships. I am simply saying that I, me, personally find it very sad that people are attempting to enter into relationships and are NOT GENUINE, and of course, this isnt new, its happened since time began no doubt, but there does seem to be a little more evidence that its escalating, with the internet and easy access to wonderful holidays in wonderful places. I believe the world would be easier and happier if we simply used common sense, were totally aware of reality, and became more prepared to look after ourselves. There is a terrible selfishness out there, an "I want" with no thought of the consequences. By all means enjoy, be dignified, be careful, explore, find out, of course, but keep feet firmly on the ground. Be realistic. If it is meant, time will tell and love will develop, only fools rush in, is that a sensible saying?
Thankyou for all of your comments. I am retired now, but i trained in psychology and behaviour, and worked for many years with those that had behavioural problems, for whatever the reason./cause, without meaning any offense, I an tell you honestly, that a lot of people with behavioural problems are terribly selfish in their relationships, what tehy want is the only importance, they dont think of the other in a caring/appropriate manner, and they dont think of the consequences, the end result has usually been sad, but they seem to very quickly get over it and move on. I hate to say it, but i see shades of this behaviour at present, epecially with these internet communications, some people (british women also) think its good fun, i think it bad taste, and it may be because I am old and past it, but it may be because of my knowledge and experience in my working life, and it may be because i have been arund a long time and have seen a lot of different relationships, and it might be because i have been there there done it worn the t shirt, whatever, thakyou all, i hope to enjoy your comments for a lot longer and i hope mine ccreate a pause for thought.
good luck and best wishes
 

skele

Well-Known Member
Also people saying it won't last, he'll leave you for a younger woman. As if there are guarantee's in any relationship. People leave each other for any number of reasons. Age means nothing. Like I said before, people are shaped by their own experiences, some grow up a lot quicker than others, some don't grow up at all. If two people like each other and want to be together then it really is nobody's business but theirs. It's always been socially acceptable for older men to be with younger women and now as with everything else the balance is slowly shifting. If you don't like it...TOUGH!
 

Soltef

New Member
Also people saying it won't last, he'll leave you for a younger woman. As if there are guarantee's in any relationship. People leave each other for any number of reasons. Age means nothing. Like I said before, people are shaped by their own experiences, some grow up a lot quicker than others, some don't grow up at all. If two people like each other and want to be together then it really is nobody's business but theirs. It's always been socially acceptable for older men to be with younger women and now as with everything else the balance is slowly shifting. If you don't like it...TOUGH!
Skele(TON),haha!I agree with you on this. You've summed it up well.'I don't give a stuff what others think' is my motto,lol!
 

Soltef

New Member
I am so with you there....age is a number..after all we are all in the hands of fate anwyay..so why worry about it! I get really fed up of, as you say, the generalisation that because a woman is in her late forties she must be old and haggard and not really worthy of a young mans attention!!:eek:
Cool,Aljaye!
 

Soltef

New Member
aljaye its not only just an age thing in that context. i feel the same about people lookin at me..... when im with my boyfriend in a cafe or bar or something im hoping people arent thinking like ohh there goes another european girl looking for *** with a tunisian guy i bet she has a new one every month! people that my boyfriend knows were warning him about me before i visited him the first time that im gonna use him and then dump him, they didnt even know me or hadnt seen me!! it was just the fact that i was from england so he better he careful. i was only 18, quite shy and never had a boyfriend before, what makes them think im gonna use him for fun and dump him?! just coz im english im a *** crazed lunatic apparently haha
i bet people are thinkin like 'shes too unattractive to get a boyfriend in england so she comes here for easy pickings!' lol or 'look at the guy shes with i bet he just wants a ticket to england' stuff like that.
i guess people are always gonna have those thoughts when they see tunisian/european couples together when one or both of them are young. they see just the woman coming for a good time with the man, i hate it when people look at me like that when they see me. thats why i cant wait to get a ring on my finger so everyone can stop making horrible comments or giving us horrible looks and realise that love is actually possible between a tunisian and a european woman! and if they do make horrible comments at least a husband will be able to do something about it, the law wont condone protecting a ''girlfriend'' i guess the term girlfriend means nothing to most people there so its why i wish to be married :) (plus i love him haha)
SP,you've also mirrored my sentiments exactly!You go,girl!Maybe we'll both go out together in T and test this 'theory' -and have a bit of a lark/laugh!People are too quick to genaralise and be negative (on first impression) sometimes when they see other couples,especially when they don't know the couples!Long distance relationships are usually very testing but very special..worth the wait!
 

SwapMyLife

New Member
This whole UK visa thing

Ok.....I'm having a really bad week....I miss Salah terribly, and feel like a woman on the edge at the moment. He too is very stressed at the moment with this seperation and its killing us. We are literally making ourselves sick with worry!

I think you girls all deserve medals for your patience and I have a lot to learn from you. I am not known for my patience!! Maybe its too many years working in the city......I want it here and now!!

Anyway, I desperately want to see whether I can help Salah to get a UK tourist visa sorted to come over to London and it appears from previous threads to be very tricky indeed. I just want to know whether I can act as his sponsor if he doesnt have a bank account/payslips etc? Will the authorities decline his visa application if he doesnt have these things or would they be happy if I show that I have sufficient funds in my account (how much should I have in there?) and write a letter to state I will be his sponsor? I am in the process of setting up a business at the moment and have been working on this for nearly a year now so havent got any payslips myself? My business is hoping to launch in the next 2 mnths. I do however have sufficient funds in my account. Would it help if we both return to tunisia together? He is working and therefore will be able to get a letter from his employer stating he will return.

I have tried to call the embassy in tunisia a couple of times, however they always seem to be on a lunch break. I will try again however I just want to know whether i am barking up the wrong tree or wasting my time living in hope?
:(
Thanks guys xxx
 

ROULLA

Registered User
Hi Swapmylife, hope that you are in good health! Yes it must be very difficult for you both not being able to see one another..I think that if you wrote a letter inviting him over and yes proof that you are willing to sponsor him as you say that you have enough in your account i really cannot see the problem..Hope that your business starts off with a big kick as you have been working hard for this,nothing is ever a waste of time if you really want it and believe you can get it... good luck and wish you all the happiness in the world...
 

sianperkins89

Well-Known Member
yes its true, coz me and my bf stick out like a sore thumb! well a pair of sore thumbs, what with him being tall and dark and me dumpy and blonde! people stare at us all the time and often (as i only found out the other day!) make rude and offensive and somtimes s.exual remarks about us when we walk past! and why, becuase we are from different countries and because im not from tunisia then i must be a slag.... :(
 

janette b

Well-Known Member
I am so with you there....age is a number..after all we are all in the hands of fate anwyay..so why worry about it! I get really fed up of, as you say, the generalisation that because a woman is in her late forties she must be old and haggard and not really worthy of a young mans attention!!:eek:
well i may be in my late forties(29) and some days yes, even look old and haggard but I AM WORTHY OF A YOUNG MANS ATTENTION and plenty of it ........ha ha ha....well i am married to him so why not ????????????and i enjoy this particular young mans attention...... x
 
N

NIEZ

Guest
yes its true, coz me and my bf stick out like a sore thumb! Well a pair of sore thumbs, what with him being tall and dark and me dumpy and blonde! People stare at us all the time and often (as i only found out the other day!) make rude and offensive and somtimes s.exual remarks about us when we walk past! And why, becuase we are from different countries and because im not from tunisia then i must be a slag.... :(
well sian what you are saying is so true that make me so upset. this kind of people who thinks with them pants, they do not see any thing else except sexual relationship.

I was mad once when one of the staff of a traditional shop in sidi bou saide was sending kisses to my girl and i did not notice it only when nela told me and we was away a bit. But she wont let me go back and have a 'chat' with this ******* but i seen him one more time and his boss was there so i reported him to his boss i told him what happen and that i will not buy anything from him anymore nether nobody i know bcs of this behavior so he was apologizing and suck this ******* out.
Well i am sure he s not working there anymore bcs when i went there last time i was looking to that shop in my way and i cant see him.
 
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