Does anyone know how to deal with Love Rats/Players/Losers/Bezness boys

[Barbarella]

Well Scotty bambam...this is the second time you attack me here. Really seems like you do have a problem. ;-)
I don't care about these things either....to a certain degree. I just feel it is not normal when the guy is 20 and his wife is 45....it is weird. Beside when you read a bit about bezness you will read it is something that is not done in Tunisian culture....so to see all this older women with younger Tunisian guys should make you really think twice about something.
I truly do believe that your reaction is like that now cause you are scared your guy is bezness too.

Dont worry I understand cause I have been in those shoes too......and I hated it when people made a comment.
Really what you do with it is up to you. You already mentioned you are prepared to accept all kind of consequences.
That is good for you.
Cause I am not like that...I know it would hurt me much more.....I am already heartbroken after only 3 month knowing him.
But I remember you told me to be immature cause I am careful....so what really is your problem?
If you are so sure about your guy....there is no need for you to get so worked up on my comments.

 

[Barbarella]

Btw. I am also 10 years older than he is....(luckily I also look 5 years younger)....did not have a problem with that.
But when I read it is something that is not accepted in Tunisian society that really made me think a lot.

 

[Scottochott]

As I've said on another site.I don't care what colour somebody else's partner is.I don't care if they are fat ,thin,short ,tall.I don't care about their religion or sexual orientation..in fact if somebody made a post ridiculing any of those things people would be angry and object.so why do you think its acceptable to criticise and belittle people who enter an age gap relationship? Just worry about your own life and leave other people to theirs.

I don't think it's a matter of criticism or belittling, it's simply that those outside of the relationship see things without the rose tinted blinkers of the loved up victims of bezness. If you stick around here for a few years you will come to realise that most of the relationships are doomed, fact. Yes there are exceptions, and those who are in the early stages will protest that their relationship is different, however the vast majority will fail to last, almost always because the Tunisian partner did not enter into it with any real love interest, it is simply a way to better themselves, with the western partner providing money, visa, and a means to an end.

Just go back a few years through the visa threads, far too many members reappear with divorce questions a few years later, and too many tales of lost money and heartache. It would be irresponsible of us not to raise the issue, I just wish more would step back and look at their so called "relationships" objectively to start with. I wish you all the best

 

[Barbarella]

Thank you Scottochott....that is exactly what I meant. I mean I really understand it cause I am in the same situation.
I am in love and I am torn between fear and love. I find it hard to believe that he could just lie like that but then you read all those stories.

Can I ask are you married to a Tunisian...and are you happy?

 

[Barbarella]

When I look at him I feel he looks innocent but that might be just me...seing him with the eyes of a woman who is in love......I am suffering every day....

 

[Scottochott]

Thank you Scottochott....that is exactly what I meant. I mean I really understand it cause I am in the same situation.
I am in love and I am torn between fear and love. I find it hard to believe that he could just lie like that but then you read all those stories.

Can I ask are you married to a Tunisian...and are you happy?

Lol, no not married or even involved with a Tunisian (let's just say I've been round the block a few times!), but have a holiday home and investments there... Very happy!

But I've probably spent more time there and know the country and people far better than most of those here married to Tunisians!

 

[Barbarella]

What really puzzles me, I just can not imagine that a whole country can be rotten bad! I am somone who always tries to see the good in every person. Are they actually aware what they doing to those women? I mean.....it feels to me like they have no soul! I just can not imagine anyone doing that to others.....

 

[Scottochott]

What really puzzles me, I just can not imagine that a whole country can be rotten bad! I am somone who always tries to see the good in every person. Are they actually aware what they doing to those women? I mean.....it feels to me like they have no soul! I just can not imagine anyone doing that to others.....

What people fail to understand is the different mind set of a developing country, it's not just Tunisia, but Arab/African countries have very little in common with a western attitude. Lots of reasons, post colonialism, economy, education, religion, I could go on. I'm afraid that those who expect western ideals will always come away disappointed, our values are different. In many ways they are a generation or two behind us in the sense of equality, liberty, gender and sexuality issues, etc. There are some good souls there, but as tourists and visitors we attract those who wish to profit, what we view as decent behaviour and morals is often viewed as naive weakness, and easy prey. I just wish people would research the country a bit more.

 

[Barbarella]

I hear what you saying. But still I wonder are those people not individuals. I mean I am German but never felt I was like a typical German....and if I compare myself to some other people here I am really different. I also was born a Catholic but later on in life decided to go more into Buddism I mean this was my free will....as it was just a desire from my soul. I find it hard to imagine that a person in a Arab country has no free will of their own soul....u know what I mean....hard to explain...I am not so good with words.

 

[scotty_bambam]

Why do you feel attacked when all I'm doing is telling you I find your comments offensive barbarella..I have been in your situation in 2010/11 and scottochott I have been around here since 2011 with my husband since 2012. My husband is younger and my relationship is written off and I'm just fed up with it.

 

[Jane BM]

Why do you feel attacked when all I'm doing is telling you I find your comments offensive barbarella..I have been in your situation in 2010/11 and scottochott I have been around here since 2011 with my husband since 2012. My husband is younger and my relationship is written off and I'm just fed up with it.

No one is writing your relationship off...however to be fair Scotty, you've not lived with him yet, so whilst you've been with your husband since 2012 you've not lived together as man and wife yet so the actual time you've known your husband doesn't really matter. Someone can have a LDR for years and years, however live with them for 12 months and it puts a whole new perspective on it.

What you will need to do is get a thicker skin...lol....bottom line is not to take it all so personally and try to be objective....and this is coming from someone who does have an age gap in her marriage. Some days I could happily and willingly throw the towel in, other days wouldn't change a thing (well not too much anyway...lol)....

I've always said I could never predict my future, don't want to either, I do know I've not married a bezness boy, however just marrying a Tunisian, just marrying a man considerably younger than myself brings its own stresses on a day to day basis.

What you will find though is that there will be many people who will jump to conclusions and judgements, more so once he's here living with you and you're going to need to toughen up to it all otherwise it'll affect your mental health and your relationship. Does it matter what others think? Of course it doesn't....so don't let it wind you up.

Even though I'm married to a Tunisian with an age gap, I think those that know us as a couple know the dynamics of our relationship and know I'm no shrinking violet nor victim of a rat....lol...but I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that it isnt a HUGE problem, it is....but then as I've said many times there are many variables, right now they'll target women online because there are fewer people travelling to Tunisia, they don't give a fig whether you're young, old, fat, thin, vulnersble or so called savvy, as long as you're their ticket out of there. X

 

[Barbarella]

Jane, can I ask you what makes you so sure that your guy is not a bezness boy. Right from what i heard you can not go after feelings since they can lie so well....

Another question....what does LDR mean?

 

[Barbarella]

Scotty bambam....like I mentioned before my guy is also ten years younger than I am.
I have no problem with that....but like I said it is just something that really makes you wonder why almost all European or American women of Tunisian guys are older. This can not be a coincidence.......

 

[Jane BM]

Jane, can I ask you what makes you so sure that your guy is not a bezness boy. Right from what i heard you can not go after feelings since they can lie so well....

Another question....what does LDR mean?

LDR is long distance relationship.

It's very hard to put into words how or why I know....but I do...first off he's had a British passport for a year now, doesn't need me for that, doesn't need me for financial gain as he works himself, runs his own car...so could live here independently without me.

I've never ever felt that somehow I'm punching above my weight because I'm married to a younger guy, value myself a bit more than that...lol....my life never has nor never will depend on my husband or my pleasing him...too many people go into these relationships and feel they have to make all the compromises, I didn't do that...I made allowances and I made certain compromises but I've never lost who I am in the process...I see so many around who do lose themselves, who put these men up on a pedestal and who refuse to see what is blaringly obvious to those around.

I've never had cause to think my husband is a rat, as I say, I know he isn't...who knows what the future holds, we've been married 5 years this year and together over 6, we've both very nearly walked away many times, not because he's a rat, just because he's a man and I'm a woman.,..lol...and sometimes it's bloody hard to coexist.

 

[Barbarella]

Thats nice, and yet you only could have known those things after being married and living together for a while. Cause right from the start you would obviously not know if he will never ask for money or such things.
That is what I find scary....the pain once you are so deep in it and have married already and then you find out the truth.....

 

[Shazza100]

LDR is long distance relationship.

It's very hard to put into words how or why I know....but I do...first off he's had a British passport for a year now, doesn't need me for that, doesn't need me for financial gain as he works himself, runs his own car...so could live here independently without me.

I've never ever felt that somehow I'm punching above my weight because I'm married to a younger guy, value myself a bit more than that...lol....my life never has nor never will depend on my husband or my pleasing him...too many people go into these relationships and feel they have to make all the compromises, I didn't do that...I made allowances and I made certain compromises but I've never lost who I am in the process...I see so many around who do lose themselves, who put these men up on a pedestal and who refuse to see what is blaringly obvious to those around.

I've never had cause to think my husband is a rat, as I say, I know he isn't...who knows what the future holds, we've been married 5 years this year and together over 6, we've both very nearly walked away many times, not because he's a rat, just because he's a man and I'm a woman.,..lol...and sometimes it's bloody hard to coexist.

Really like this post especially the honesty about coexisting x

 

[Aslemma]

Sorry Barbarella but if you want a cast-iron guarantee that you won't be hurt I think you would be better remaining single. You say you love the guy but obviously don't trust him. You have seen the sad tales on here, all of which are true, yet you say he's 'not like that' and you've heard of Jane's successful marriage (and there are many more) but choose to question it. Sometimes you just have to trust your instinct, even at the risk of getting hurt, and my instinct tells me that you would be better to break with him rather than put the pair of you into a relationship which is not based on trust.

 

[Theresa Ghamni]

I so agree with you Scotty_bambam its funny how people dichromate around here about the women being older then the man but they think its okay for a man to be older then a women Age is just a number its what's in the heart for each other is what counts I am so tired about the age crap. People need to worry about themselves and not worry about how old one is from the other.

 

[Theresa Ghamni]

have read in several of the threads where people say we should test our boyfriends - I want to trust him but i really dont want to be a mug either, can anyone advise how it is that they tested their boyfriends?

The only thing anyone can do is just Keep your eyes wide open. Yes as I hear there is some bad and good out of everyone in Tunisia. I have not experienced it Thanks Allah but I do feel for you all.
Good luck to you all and I pray that you all find happiness and if anyone wants to find a good man message me I have a lot of family or I should say my husband does that is dying to meat a really good women. :-D

 

[Scottochott]

Dichromate salts contain the dichromate anion, Cr2O72

Uh?

Haven't seen any posts saying it's ok for a man to be older than a woman. Seems you're making things up as well, maybe those rose tinted glasses need a clean. Don't confuse your real world experiences with our virtual world.

I'm sure your husband and lots of other men want to "meat" a really good woman!