Jasmine
Well-Known Member
It all too common, that any kind of domestic violence appears, some find the courage to talk about it, some hide it and others do not believe its happening to them.
There is a programme online called "The Freedom Programme" - I'll include links at the bottom of this post. But I thought it would be valuable to some members to have a look, if the information is there they then have the choice to seek help, whether it be on or off this forum.
Living with the Dominator (as taken from the Freedom Programme)
He is one man but I describe him as changing into the other characters to use different kinds of controlling behaviour. He can change from one character to another with lightning speed. Often, when I show him to women on the programme they say, “You must have met my husband!” I joke that I believe that all abusive men are abducted when they are six months old and taken to a school in the mountains where they all learn to do and say exactly the same thing! One of the first people I trained to run the Freedom Programme was a specialist Domestic Violence Police Officer. When she started her programme her group was comprised of women whose abusers had been arrested and charged by her. She had also accompanied the women to court and knew their histories. One of the women looked at her picture of the Dominator and then compared it to everyone else’s Dominator. She said that it was so like her partner that she initially believed each one had been done for an individual man from their police records and case histories.
The Bully He uses intimidation to control his partner by: shouting, glaring, sulking, driving too fast and firing questions at her without giving her a chance to answer. As a result, she believes he is angry and tries to placate him. The men on my Programme have told me that the Bully is not angry. He is cool, calm and collected and completely in control of his emotions. What does he have to be angry about?
The Headworker: He uses emotional abuse to control his partner by telling her she is stupid, ugly, and incompetent. He is unfaithful and he puts her down in front of others, usually using humour. As a result she loses all self-confidence.
The Jailer: He isolates his partner by sulking when her friends visit. He refuses to look after the children when she has arranged to go out or go to work. He charms friends and family so they do not believe her. He moves her to remote places. As a result women are completely isolated.
The Liar: He makes the abuse seem less than it was by using the ‘only’ word. For example, it was ‘only a slap’. When the ‘only’ word is used the listener does not really hear the rest of the sentence. He also denies there was any abuse or he blames the victim. Many men come to the programme asking me to help them to deal with this horrible woman who forces them to be violent. The Liar also uses a bewildering array of excuses. He blames drink, drugs, overwork and unemployment. He blames loss of temper, low self-esteem and insecurity. As a result his victim and many other professionals believe him.
The Badfather: He uses the children to control his partner. He turns them against their mother. If she leaves him he uses the courts to harass her for access. He denies paternity and tells her she is a bad mother. As a result women can have their children removed. He can seriously damage their ability to parent effectively.
http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/
http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/freedomprog-chapter2.pdf
There is a programme online called "The Freedom Programme" - I'll include links at the bottom of this post. But I thought it would be valuable to some members to have a look, if the information is there they then have the choice to seek help, whether it be on or off this forum.
Living with the Dominator (as taken from the Freedom Programme)
He is one man but I describe him as changing into the other characters to use different kinds of controlling behaviour. He can change from one character to another with lightning speed. Often, when I show him to women on the programme they say, “You must have met my husband!” I joke that I believe that all abusive men are abducted when they are six months old and taken to a school in the mountains where they all learn to do and say exactly the same thing! One of the first people I trained to run the Freedom Programme was a specialist Domestic Violence Police Officer. When she started her programme her group was comprised of women whose abusers had been arrested and charged by her. She had also accompanied the women to court and knew their histories. One of the women looked at her picture of the Dominator and then compared it to everyone else’s Dominator. She said that it was so like her partner that she initially believed each one had been done for an individual man from their police records and case histories.
The Bully He uses intimidation to control his partner by: shouting, glaring, sulking, driving too fast and firing questions at her without giving her a chance to answer. As a result, she believes he is angry and tries to placate him. The men on my Programme have told me that the Bully is not angry. He is cool, calm and collected and completely in control of his emotions. What does he have to be angry about?
The Headworker: He uses emotional abuse to control his partner by telling her she is stupid, ugly, and incompetent. He is unfaithful and he puts her down in front of others, usually using humour. As a result she loses all self-confidence.
The Jailer: He isolates his partner by sulking when her friends visit. He refuses to look after the children when she has arranged to go out or go to work. He charms friends and family so they do not believe her. He moves her to remote places. As a result women are completely isolated.
The Liar: He makes the abuse seem less than it was by using the ‘only’ word. For example, it was ‘only a slap’. When the ‘only’ word is used the listener does not really hear the rest of the sentence. He also denies there was any abuse or he blames the victim. Many men come to the programme asking me to help them to deal with this horrible woman who forces them to be violent. The Liar also uses a bewildering array of excuses. He blames drink, drugs, overwork and unemployment. He blames loss of temper, low self-esteem and insecurity. As a result his victim and many other professionals believe him.
The Badfather: He uses the children to control his partner. He turns them against their mother. If she leaves him he uses the courts to harass her for access. He denies paternity and tells her she is a bad mother. As a result women can have their children removed. He can seriously damage their ability to parent effectively.
http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/
http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/freedomprog-chapter2.pdf
