HELP!! DIVORCE WORRIED ABOUT CHILDREN!!

dgouda

New Member
#1
I gave been married for 9 years and am currently splitting up with husband. I did not meet husband in Tunisia he was already settled here The relationship was too controling and i've had enough.
We have two children, 6 and 8, live in london but my family live in portsmouth. Husband has made it clear that if i do anything wrong (in his eyes) then he would 'make me cry and curse myself' i have taken that to mean he would take the children back to tunisia abd we all know that i would never get them back if he did.

can i moce the children down to portsmouth without his permission? my family want me to leave ASAP but i am so scared and alone right now.
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#2
I gave been married for 9 years and am currently splitting up with husband. I did not meet husband in Tunisia he was already settled here The relationship was too controling and i've had enough.
We have two children, 6 and 8, live in london but my family live in portsmouth. Husband has made it clear that if i do anything wrong (in his eyes) then he would 'make me cry and curse myself' i have taken that to mean he would take the children back to tunisia abd we all know that i would never get them back if he did.

can i moce the children down to portsmouth without his permission? my family want me to leave ASAP but i am so scared and alone right now.
Hi Dgouda I am sorry to hear that things are not going right. Djouda if you want to go to Portsmouth with your children than just do it there is no way that your husband can stop you and you say that you are scared which does not sound right either. No man or woman should be made to feel like this. Does your husband use violence or just threatens you and the reason that I ask you is because if he is just verbally threatening you then you do not have much proof but if he is physically harming you then the first thing that you should do is contact someone like shelter and tell them that you have your family in Portsmouth and they may be able to help you by placing you in a hostel. Ggouda please do not feel frightened we are in the UK and they help alot of people everyday, you are not the first and won't be the last so please please phone up someone like the shelter for women. You do not have to do this by yourself there are many organization out there that can help you to feel safe with your children.. Here is one that I just looked up for you and I know that they help as my daughter used to work for them ...0808 800 4444 plus their site http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/emergency_accommodation/womens_refuges
They will help you out as much as they can, they will provide shelter for you and your children and provide you with food and even money if you need it.. Please take care and get on the telephone to them and they will help you.
 

dgouda

New Member
#3
Hi Dgouda I am sorry to hear that things are not going right. Djouda if you want to go to Portsmouth with your children than just do it there is no way that your husband can stop you and you say that you are scared which does not sound right either. No man or woman should be made to feel like this. Does your husband use violence or just threatens you and the reason that I ask you is because if he is just verbally threatening you then you do not have much proof but if he is physically harming you then the first thing that you should do is contact someone like shelter and tell them that you have your family in Portsmouth and they may be able to help you by placing you in a hostel. Ggouda please do not feel fright
the UK and they help alot of people everyday, you are not the first and won't be the last so please please phone up someone like the shelter for women. You do not have to do this by yourself there are many organization out there that can help you to feel safe with your children.. Here is one that I just looked up for you and I know that they help as my daughter used to work for them ...0808 800 4444 plus their site http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/emergency_accommodation/womens_refuges
They will help you out as much as they can, they will provide shelter for you and your children and provide you with food and even money if you need it.. Please take care and get on the telephone to them and they will help you.
He has hit me twice before its more emotional abuse really. as soon as hes left the flat i am going to see a solictor.
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#4
Dgouda if you genuinely feel he will take the children do NOT leave it until it is too late. Go to Portsmouth (I was there last night!!!) and see a solicitor there. I know you know him better than us but when they are backed into a corner they become very destructive the last thing he would care about is you and your feelings. Put your kids first and go to your family. If he is settled here which sounds as though he is I doubt he will risk losing his status here, he will have to oxide by our laws and he will get supervised access if he is threatening you with taking the children. Don't leave them alone with him. All the best.
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#5
Sorry to hear this Dgouda - have you consulted your doctor and talked it through with him/her especially the physical violence? Always best to have these incidents recorded - you never know when you might need them.

Was your husband married to someone before? He sounds like a right piece of work - at very least a bully. He'll not want to give up what he's built up and will probably go to any lengths to try to keep you with him. Until the next time:(

Don't hesitate to go, things won't get any better - invariably they'll get worse. Protect yourself and the children.

Stay safe.xx
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#6
Where abouts in London are you dgouda?
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#7
Threads such as these although devastating to the original poster, are a warning to women embarking on relationships with a Tunisian especially if you are going to have a family together.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#8
He has hit me twice before its more emotional abuse really. as soon as hes left the flat i am going to see a solictor.
Dgouda, so sorry to hear this...id deal with the here and now firstly and not look too far down the road because I'm sure you'll feel daunted. The most important thing right now is to get out of this abusive marriage if you possibly can, if he can be violent to you and mentally cruel then there's no holds barred. Just go!!! You have a family and I'm sure they'd help you. Secondly I agree with Truly, please please do not leave him alone with your children. If he's already taunting you, then I've no doubt he's aware how easy it is practically for him to take your children to Tunisia. It happens...

Please take care of yourself and if there's anything any of us can do to help then just either post or pm one of us. Xx
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#9
Threads such as these although devastating to the original poster, are a warning to women embarking on relationships with a Tunisian especially if you are going to have a family together.
Yes, how many before have ignored the warning signs/alarm bells and it's ended up the same. Until women realise that their mentality is different and women are basically objects to be used and abused - second class citizens to African/Arabic men or men from the 3rd world/ 'developing countries'. There are very few exceptions.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#10
Problem is that when we marry these men we don't think for a second that something like this could happen to us...which is fine for us, because at the end of the day we are ugly enough and old enough to look after ourselves. We're the grown ups. However when it comes to having children then I guess it something that MUST be borne in mind. Our children need us to protect them at all times and no matter how hard it is to believe that our partner would resort to literally abducting them, it can and does happen, and a country like Tunisia unfortunately makes it very very easy for them to do.
 

missmetal

Well-Known Member
#11
Make sure you hide the passports. Can you leave them with a friend you trust? And get them later? Then he cant just bail to his country. Oh and make sure the birth Certs are safe too.

Trouble here is if u take the kids and there's nothing on record that he's abusive, then you are abducting the, and he will have power. You will be made to seem unfit. Sad but true.

I think u need to hide the documents, out of the house and then tell him you are going to see your family in Portsmouth, with a paper trail if possible. Then when u are there, bring up the divorce topic.
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#12
He has hit me twice before its more emotional abuse really. as soon as hes left the flat i am going to see a solictor.
Dgouda I know that you may think that it easy for me to say this but you don't know when he will leave the flat ,it could be days or weeks and you don't know what can happen in those days or weeks. You must take your children to school and if so this is your opportunity to leave. Do what you normally do in the morning but try and pack a few things and hide them whilst he is in a different room that way when you do leave you will have some things for the children to change into.. Just like you do say goodbye or whatever it is that you do and rather than go to school jump on the train and get to portsmouth ASAP, for the safety of your children and yours as well. Take care

Make sure you hide the passports. Can you leave them with a friend you trust? And get them later? Then he cant just bail to his country. Oh and make sure the birth Certs are safe too.
Trouble here is if u take the kids and there's nothing on record that he's abusive, then you are abducting the, and he will have power. You will be made to seem unfit. Sad but true.
I think u need to hide the documents, out of the house and then tell him you are going to see your family in Portsmouth, with a paper trail if possible. Then when u are there, bring up the divorce topic.
Hi Missmetal hope that you and your family are all well! The problem is that believe it or not this man can easily obtain birth certificates from the registry office and they don't cost alot either... As for getting his children' a Tunisian passport that is also easy for him as if he gets hold of the children's birth certificate then the only thing that he will need is a few passport photos.. Djouda will be doing yourself a favour if you could hide the childrens photos as they can also be made into passport photos. We live in the UK and there are so many fake things available and with technology and fraudsters anything is available here including passports so no matter what you do if he really wants a passport he will get one..and if he has a friend who works at the Tunisian Embassy it will be even easier for him.
I don't know if your husband knows anyone in the Tunisian Embassy but if I was you and knew that he did not know anyone then I would make an appointment and ask to see the Tunisian Ambassadar, if they ask you what it is regarding just tell them that it is private then once you have an appointment you can tell the ambassador how frightened you are that your husband will try and obtain a Tunisian passport and see what they can do and in the meantime you should also tell your solicitor that you would like him/or her to fax a letter over to the Tunisian Embassy letting them know that they should not proceed with any kind of passport application as this is in the hands of the courts right now.. You have to call your husbands bluff and do whatever it takes to keep your children in this country otherwise you will never see them if he is that Evil.
Your solicitor will tell the judge and the judge can even order the airports so that your childrens names are on file and at no cost should they be allowed to exit the UK.. I would also contact the British Embassy and ask for their advice.. I know that you may think that I am nuts but I would try and cover every corner that I can to keep my children and if he thinks that he is smarter than you then let him think again. We are always here if you need any more help, hope that this post makes sence as I was rushing to let you know what is available.
 

skele

Well-Known Member
#13
HI. Does anyone know if he could take the children and leave them with his family there? I know a lot of them prefer to have their children brought up by their mother or sister rather than the dirty foreigner mother of their children, if they still want to carry on living in and reaping the benefits of, living in the western world. I know if the father takes them to Tunisia and stays there with them there is little hope of getting them back but if he leaves them and comes back will he be arrested? Just asking because I know of a Tunisian guy here in France who is planning to divorce his young, French wife/mother of his child and has already picked out and engaged his new Tunisian wife whom he obviously plans to bring here. It is sick, evil and disgusting and the fact that their mothers and families go along with this evil deception is horrifying.

Different from your situation Dgouda, I hope you manage to sort things out. I would also suggest leaving and going to your family, you're not leaving the country so I don't think that you would be doing anything wrong as far as the law is concerned. Just don't tell him you want to divorce him until you get to the safe haven of your family.
 

janette

Well-Known Member
#14
I gave been married for 9 years and am currently splitting up with husband. I did not meet husband in Tunisia he was already settled here The relationship was too controling and i've had enough.
We have two children, 6 and 8, live in london but my family live in portsmouth. Husband has made it clear that if i do anything wrong (in his eyes) then he would 'make me cry and curse myself' i have taken that to mean he would take the children back to tunisia abd we all know that i would never get them back if he did.

can i moce the children down to portsmouth without his permission? my family want me to leave ASAP but i am so scared and alone right now.
PLEASE be careful. In tunisian law the child belongs to the FATHER. If he goes to the Tunisian Embassy they will automatically give him a passport for the children and this is correct, as the embassy is considered Tunisia by law and they are within the law by supplying this passport. irrespective of what you say to them, they will not help or protect you in any way as they are there for the TUNISIAN nationals and your children are considered TUNISIAN. I live in Tunisia half my life and am aware of how these things work. more to follow. If he gets them to Tunisian you may never see them again unless you go to live there. As others have said -- get out whilst you can and NEVER leave the children alone with him and make sure that you inform the schools that under NO circumtances must the children be allowed to be collected by their father. PLEASE protect yourself. All best wishes - J x
 

skele

Well-Known Member
#15
Hi Janette, do you know what the law would say if the Tunisian man takes the children to Tunisia and leaves them with his family then comes back? Is their anything that can be done under those circumstances?
 

1989

Well-Known Member
#16
I gave been married for 9 years and am currently splitting up with husband. I did not meet husband in Tunisia he was already settled here The relationship was too controling and i've had enough.
We have two children, 6 and 8, live in london but my family live in portsmouth. Husband has made it clear that if i do anything wrong (in his eyes) then he would 'make me cry and curse myself' i have taken that to mean he would take the children back to tunisia abd we all know that i would never get them back if he did.

can i moce the children down to portsmouth without his permission? my family want me to leave ASAP but i am so scared and alone right now.
My husband is Tunisian, his ex is English. When they got divorced it was very bitter, and she was constantly trying to one-up him, and got herself all paranoid and was seriously deranged almost.

An incident happened that made my husband think his ex's father was going to try to kidnap the kids and take them to his holiday home abroad.

They were going through a horrible, nasty custody battle during this period, and due to both of their paranoia they got an injunction on each other -- they were both only allowed to kids abroad individually for 4 weeks, with parental consent. If the injunction would be broken, it would become a criminal offence.

I would get a solicitor and look into it, preferably one with international law credentials, coz laws change all the damn time.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but while you're in England, the law is on your side.

DO NOT LET HIM HAVE UNSUPERVISED CONTACT.

Message me if you want to chat or whatever. :) I'm a good listener. Not so good at advice though!
 

salim

Well-Known Member
#17
Hi Janette, do you know what the law would say if the Tunisian man takes the children to Tunisia and leaves them with his family then comes back? Is their anything that can be done under those circumstances?
Did your question is in relationship with law in Tunisia and the rights of father or you are asking about what the UK law says in this case !
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#18
I think skele means the law in Tunisia, if a Tunisian was to abduct his children but the leave them with family and come back to a European country, would the law in Tunisia say that is ok or would they give the children back to the European mother? I think that's right?!

Skele if she gets the equivalent of a prohibited steps order it is a criminal offence to remove the children while on (if in uk) Uk soil, so I presume if he removed them and re-entered he would be arrested as he would flag up at the airport!
 

skele

Well-Known Member
#19
Hi Salim, I know that the law in Tunisia would favour the father no matter what. What I was wondering is if UK or French law would be able to do anything if he took the child back to Tunisia to be brought up by his family and he carried on living in UK or France or wherever.
 

salim

Well-Known Member
#20
I think skele means the law in Tunisia, if a Tunisian was to abduct his children but the leave them with family and come back to a European country, would the law in Tunisia say that is ok or would they give the children back to the European mother? I think that's right?!

Skele if she gets the equivalent of a prohibited steps order it is a criminal offence to remove the children while on (if in uk) Uk soil, so I presume if he removed them and re-entered he would be arrested as he would flag up at the airport!
I think in this case she has nothing to do because the father seems the guardian of his kids and no one can push him to give them back to his mother except if they are in the processing of divorce and the kids are in delicate postion if they stay with their father so the court can give her the right to be their guardian until the end of this miss understanding with the divorce or the come back of the conjugal life ! In this case , the judge of the family has the right to make the last decision!
 
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