My story...

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#1
Hi all,

Firstly, I want to say hi to those who know me. I've been a member since 2008. Nice to be back and to those who don'the know me, hi!

I am not telling my story for sympathy or to gain friends or enemies - I would like it to be just a caution to all those about to embark on a marriage and are currently guided only by their hearts.

I met my ex husband in 2008 and we were together until we finally divorced in 2014.

I can'tell go into too much detail as the legal case is still going on but I will do my best.

Suffice to say, if has been incredibly emotional and physically incredibly painful - I cannot stress that enough.

I have always championed these guys and believed that they could change. I still believe that but my one didn't.

He was always on the Internet chatting up girls from day 1. Made me feel less than a person as it was always my fault that he did it. If he was angry with me, he did it. While I was at work, he did it. When I begged him not too, he did it. Wen I was asleep beside him, he did it. On our wedding day he did it!!! I caught him out, of course, but he always had an excuse and promised not to do it again. A big fat lie.

So basically my story is one of domestic violence. He hit me from the second holiday in Tunisia. He hit me then because I saw messages on his phone from other women. I went home black and blue and told my mum I have fallen down the stairs. I can't tell you how many lies I told my mum be used if him. But I stayed with him because I loved him.

He constantly hit me - for not being happy, for wearing the wrong clothes, for my son disrespecting him, for me disrespecting him, for getting a text, for the things on facebook, for breathing in the wrong way, buying the wrong scooter ... you name it, I got hit for it. Always around the head, on in the face directly. By the way I did NONE OF THE ABOVE.

The Police have labelled him a narcissistic psychopath.

So since my first visit to the hospital when we were still together in May 2014, when I had lost the sight in my left eye, straight down the middle, the Police came and took hi away. He was in prison for 2 months.

Since then, I have undergone 12 operations as both my retinas were detached and split down the middle. A few months longer, I would have been blind forever.

As it is, I have very little sight left. I cannot work full days as my eyes get too sore and I WILL GO BLIND.

All of this because I stayed in my marriage. You see, I loved him - I still do. But he NEVER LOVED me. I was a means to an end. I gave, over the time, approx 100, 000 euros in money, car, scooter, holidays while I got nothing but beaten.

I am putting my life back together as best I can but I suffer from PTSD and am emotionally scarred for life as well as physically injuries for life.

My injuries were compared to being in a car accident at 300 miles per hour. Neither the doctors of the social workers had seen injuries like mine. I am not proud of this.

He currently walks free until the court case has been finalised. There is no guarantee that he will be punished for what he has done to me but me and my son live with the pain and results of his actions every single day.

I am in no position to offer advice but I would say to you if you are thinking of marrying one of these guys - think very hard. They have a difficult life especiall now and see you as an escape. A lot of times they do not care for you.

If you are 59 years old, question why this 20 year old is with you???? Would you EVER see a 20 year old guy in the UK?

I stress, though, that I believe they are not all bad but you must be careful.

They are so good at manipulation. I considered myself a strong person but he broke me down to nothing. I did not think I could survive but I am here - definitely not whole, but here.

Thank you for listening to me and I wish each and everyone a happy and long life xxxx
 

Rosewater

Active Member
#2
Omg i am so so sorry for what happened to you my friend , hugs , i hope you recover soon.
 

scotty_bambam

Well-Known Member
#3
I'm so sorry to hear this.I just wish you'd gone to the police the first time he hit you.I've been in emotionally and physically abusive relationships too.I know how they wear you down,and strip you of your confidence.I pray you recover ,buti know the mental scars stay.all the best.xx
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#4
Hi all,

Firstly, I want to say hi to those who know me. I've been a member since 2008. Nice to be back and to those who don'the know me, hi!

I am not telling my story for sympathy or to gain friends or enemies - I would like it to be just a caution to all those about to embark on a marriage and are currently guided only by their hearts.

I met my ex husband in 2008 and we were together until we finally divorced in 2014.

I can'tell go into too much detail as the legal case is still going on but I will do my best.

Suffice to say, if has been incredibly emotional and physically incredibly painful - I cannot stress that enough.

I have always championed these guys and believed that they could change. I still believe that but my one didn't.

He was always on the Internet chatting up girls from day 1. Made me feel less than a person as it was always my fault that he did it. If he was angry with me, he did it. While I was at work, he did it. When I begged him not too, he did it. Wen I was asleep beside him, he did it. On our wedding day he did it!!! I caught him out, of course, but he always had an excuse and promised not to do it again. A big fat lie.

So basically my story is one of domestic violence. He hit me from the second holiday in Tunisia. He hit me then because I saw messages on his phone from other women. I went home black and blue and told my mum I have fallen down the stairs. I can't tell you how many lies I told my mum be used if him. But I stayed with him because I loved him.

He constantly hit me - for not being happy, for wearing the wrong clothes, for my son disrespecting him, for me disrespecting him, for getting a text, for the things on facebook, for breathing in the wrong way, buying the wrong scooter ... you name it, I got hit for it. Always around the head, on in the face directly. By the way I did NONE OF THE ABOVE.

The Police have labelled him a narcissistic psychopath.

So since my first visit to the hospital when we were still together in May 2014, when I had lost the sight in my left eye, straight down the middle, the Police came and took hi away. He was in prison for 2 months.

Since then, I have undergone 12 operations as both my retinas were detached and split down the middle. A few months longer, I would have been blind forever.

As it is, I have very little sight left. I cannot work full days as my eyes get too sore and I WILL GO BLIND.

All of this because I stayed in my marriage. You see, I loved him - I still do. But he NEVER LOVED me. I was a means to an end. I gave, over the time, approx 100, 000 euros in money, car, scooter, holidays while I got nothing but beaten.

I am putting my life back together as best I can but I suffer from PTSD and am emotionally scarred for life as well as physically injuries for life.

My injuries were compared to being in a car accident at 300 miles per hour. Neither the doctors of the social workers had seen injuries like mine. I am not proud of this.

He currently walks free until the court case has been finalised. There is no guarantee that he will be punished for what he has done to me but me and my son live with the pain and results of his actions every single day.

I am in no position to offer advice but I would say to you if you are thinking of marrying one of these guys - think very hard. They have a difficult life especiall now and see you as an escape. A lot of times they do not care for you.

If you are 59 years old, question why this 20 year old is with you???? Would you EVER see a 20 year old guy in the UK?

I stress, though, that I believe they are not all bad but you must be careful.

They are so good at manipulation. I considered myself a strong person but he broke me down to nothing. I did not think I could survive but I am here - definitely not whole, but here.

Thank you for listening to me and I wish each and everyone a happy and long life xxxx
Hi Smiley -Joe and thank you for sharing your story. It must have taken a lot of courage to share your story. I am so sorry that you was suffering inside all alone. You definitely went through hell and back, but I take my hat off to you as you are a very strong person as you survived to tell us your story.
I am so sorry that you have had to had 12 operation's I truly hope and pray that you get back on your feet and enjoy the rest of your life.
These animals that think that they have the right to hit their wives are nothing but the scum of the earth. I do wish that you had shared your story earlier with those that you knew, we would have all tried to help you.
I am glad that although you still have feelings for him you got out of the relationship before its to late. I do hope that you have decided to move away from where you are living as you will not be able to carry on with your life as you will always be looking over your shoulder. You could go into a women's refuge until you or the council find you suitable accommodation. Don't stay where you are and let this animal rule your life.
Take care and always know that we are all here for you.
X X X
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#5
Hi Smiley -Joe and thank you for sharing your story. It must have taken a lot of courage to share your story. I am so sorry that you was suffering inside all alone. You definitely went through hell and back, but I take my hat off to you as you are a very strong person as you survived to tell us your story.
I am so sorry that you have had to had 12 operation's I truly hope and pray that you get back on your feet and enjoy the rest of your life.
These animals that think that they have the right to hit their wives are nothing but the scum of the earth. I do wish that you had shared your story earlier with those that you knew, we would have all tried to help you.
I am glad that although you still have feelings for him you got out of the relationship before its to late. I do hope that you have decided to move away from where you are living as you will not be able to carry on with your life as you will always be looking over your shoulder. You could go into a women's refuge until you or the council find you suitable accommodation. Don't stay where you are and let this animal rule your life.
Take care and always know that we are all here for you.
X X X
Thank you so much for your very kind odds Roulla xxx
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm so sorry to hear this.I just wish you'd gone to the police the first time he hit you.I've been in emotionally and physically abusive relationships too.I know how they wear you down,and strip you of your confidence.I pray you recover ,buti know the mental scars stay.all the best.xx
Thank you Scotty bambam, we will both get there xxxx
 

ROULLA

Registered User
#7
Thank you so much for your very kind odds Roulla xxx
I just wish to god that you shared your story with us. The story made me feel very angry as I cannot stand WEAK men, COWARDS that's what they are.
You stay strong lovely lady, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.. just have faith and believe in yourself. No ONE was put on this earth to suffer crap like this your worth millions, just keep reminding yourself this every day X X X
 

Jasmine

Well-Known Member
#8
Well done and THANK YOU for sharing your story Smiley_jo. That took some courage, which is one of the first steps to "healing" :)

I hope that you manage to get some closure from all this after the court case, remember you deserve nothing but the best and that you, despite the actions you have suffered from, still have the mindset that not all are wrong 'uns. You truly have a pure heart if you can state that.
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#9
That must have taken some guts to come on here and write that all down.....hats off to you.

I really don't know what to say Smiley, aside from thank god you are no longer in that abusive relationship...I hope the w**ker (sorry there is no other appropriate word), gets it all back in spades and more besides.

Well done you for finally reaching the point of no return and walking away...I'm sure it'll take a long time to pick up the pieces and get some semblance of normal life again for you and your son..but YOU WILL!!! You're half way there...

Big hugs him, you know where we are. Xxx
 

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
#10
Hi Smiley_Jo,

What a courageous lady you are.

Words fail me. It saddens me to hear of the brutality you suffered in the name of love.

It confirms that if the warning signs are there, especially at the beginning of a relationship, get out while you can.

If things are bad, they'll only get much worse and no amount of 'love' will change someone who deep down resents and uses and abuses you.

If you allow this type of behaviour and forgive it, it'll not go away, it'll invariably get worse giving him license to do it again and again.

Of course, there's the 'but mine is different' brigade who prefer to live a lie, refuse to admit the truth and who wear rose tinted specs.

Thanks for sharing Smiley and hope the content helps some of our members or guests. Xxx
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#11
I just wish to god that you shared your story with us. The story made me feel very angry as I cannot stand WEAK men, COWARDS that's what they are.
You stay strong lovely lady, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.. just have faith and believe in yourself. No ONE was put on this earth to suffer crap like this your worth millions, just keep reminding yourself this every day X X X
Xxxxxxx
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#12

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#13
Hi Smiley_Jo,

What a courageous lady you are.

Words fail me. It saddens me to hear of the brutality you suffered in the name of love.

It confirms that if the warning signs are there, especially at the beginning of a relationship, get out while you can.

If things are bad, they'll only get much worse and no amount of 'love' will change someone who deep down resents and uses and abuses you.

If you allow this type of behaviour and forgive it, it'll not go away, it'll invariably get worse giving him license to do it again and again.

Of course, there's the 'but mine is different' brigade who prefer to live a lie, refuse to admit the truth and who wear rose tinted specs.

Thanks for sharing Smiley and hope the content helps some of our members or guests. Xxx
Hi Essem, courageous I'm not but your kindness and that of the others has touched my heart and made me believe, not for the first time since this happened, that there are wonderful people in the world. I was just unlucky to fall for the wrong one. But life goes on and I agree - if my story helps one person to have the strength to get out of such a relationship, it will have been worth reliving it all to write it here.

I pray no one has to go through what I did.

Nice to be back in the fold here though - I totally appreciate your kindness xxxx
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#14
That must have taken some guts to come on here and write that all down.....hats off to you.

I really don't know what to say Smiley, aside from thank god you are no longer in that abusive relationship...I hope the w**ker (sorry there is no other appropriate word), gets it all back in spades and more besides.

Well done you for finally reaching the point of no return and walking away...I'm sure it'll take a long time to pick up the pieces and get some semblance of normal life again for you and your son..but YOU WILL!!! You're half way there...

Big hugs him, you know where we are. Xxx
Hi Jane BM, thank you hun. I just wanted to write because I don'the want it to happen to anyone else - it has happened too much already.

I will let you know the outcome but for now, I just stay at home, with my son, and am trying to learn to live again. Gee took all my character and strength away - I was a shadow and lived like a ghost but it didn'the help.

It is worth a great deal knowing you are here and I will keep in touch more often.

Thank you for your kindness xxx
 

Mezoo

VIP Member
#15
Hi all,

Firstly, I want to say hi to those who know me. I've been a member since 2008. Nice to be back and to those who don'the know me, hi!
Thank you for listening to me and I wish each and everyone a happy and long life xxxx
You're a strong woman Jo. We know your posts around here all the years. You're on the road to recovery and getting back on your feet. I sincerely hope all goes well with your eyes and he rots in hell...
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#16
Well done and THANK YOU for sharing your story Smiley_jo. That took some courage, which is one of the first steps to "healing" :)

I hope that you manage to get some closure from all this after the court case, remember you deserve nothing but the best and that you, despite the actions you have suffered from, still have the mindset that not all are wrong 'uns. You truly have a pure heart if you can state that.
Hi Jasmine, thank you for reading my little post and for your kind words and I hope you are right about the healing bit. No, I know you are right but still a huge way to go.

I met the wrong one but I will always believe in the good in people and there are wonderful Tunisians, as there are in all nationalities - I believe this 100%.

All I want from my post is to help make people happy - show them what could happen and pray that if they are in a similar place, they should know they are not alone - I am here if anyone needs me.

Thank you so much Jasmine for your kindness xxx
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#17
You're a strong woman Jo. We know your posts around here all the years. You're on the road to recovery and getting back on your feet. I sincerely hope all goes well with your eyes and he rots in hell...
Thank you so much Mezoo, that means so much. I will get there - back at the hospital in 3 weeks for another operation - lucky number 13 lol.

Thank you for caring xxx
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#18
I just wish to god that you shared your story with us. The story made me feel very angry as I cannot stand WEAK men, COWARDS that's what they are.
You stay strong lovely lady, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.. just have faith and believe in yourself. No ONE was put on this earth to suffer crap like this your worth millions, just keep reminding yourself this every day X X X
Hi Roulla, it was imposdible for me to share before because I was in total denial and also terrified he would know I had told someone. I am now very afraid that he will see this but I hope he won'the know about this site. It is a risk though I'm prepared to take if it helps someone else.

Your kindness touches my heart, thank you xxx
 

Jillimom

Well-Known Member
#19
You are indeed a survivor and a very strong, courageous woman, Smiley jo. The best revenge you can get on that a**hole is to go and live a full and enjoyable life after all he put you through. Thank you for sharing your story and I will keep you in my prayers that life gets easier for you from here on out. :happy:
 

smiley_jo

Well-Known Member
#20
You are indeed a survivor and a very strong, courageous woman, Smiley jo. The best revenge you can get on that a**hole is to go and live a full and enjoyable life after all he put you through. Thank you for sharing your story and I will keep you in my prayers that life gets easier for you from here on out. :happy:
Thank you very much Jillimom. I don't feel so much like a survivor but I hope in time I will. I am taking each day as it comes and I do hope that after all the legal things have finished, we (my son and I) will be able to move on at a better pace.
I do thank you for your kindness and your words of encouragement, bless you for that.
You stay safe also and be happy xxx
 
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