need help

bratinella

New Member
#1
hello everyone, i just want to share my story, i have been with my tunisian bf for almost 6 years, i meet him in dubai and i am a filipina. this time i ask him if when he will marry me because , we been together for almost 6 years, and then he tell me that he cannot marry me because his family will not accept me because im not tunisian. am too much hurt, and why he make our relationship last for 6years and he will throw that all away, he cannot fight for his love and he cannot stand on his own feet. am toi much desperate now. i need some advice. merci
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#2
hello everyone, i just want to share my story, i have been with my tunisian bf for almost 6 years, i meet him in dubai and i am a filipina. this time i ask him if when he will marry me because , we been together for almost 6 years, and then he tell me that he cannot marry me because his family will not accept me because im not tunisian. am too much hurt, and why he make our relationship last for 6years and he will throw that all away, he cannot fight for his love and he cannot stand on his own feet. am toi much desperate now. i need some advice. merci
So have you been living together ? Or is this a long distance relationship?
 

bratinella

New Member
#3
hi jane, we live together here ib dubai, we are like a couple, only 1 thing is missing marriage. thank you for your reply
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#4
hi jane, we live together here ib dubai, we are like a couple, only 1 thing is missing marriage. thank you for your reply
In the 6 years you've been together have you never discussed marriage before? Have you been with him to Tunisia to visit his family?

I also find it very strange that he's now worried that his family would never accept it if he married you as you're not tunisian...what has he been doing for the last 6 years!!!! And don't his family already know about you?

Do you both work? Xx
 

bratinella

New Member
#5
hi jane, i am working here in dubai, and i meer him here, i never meet his family, and i never been go to tunisia, because the momment i with him in my mind, i think he will ask me, someday but when we reach 6years i said mybe i need to ask him. but i am disappointed if what he said.
 

Saule

Active Member
#6
Bratinella,

I feel your pain, and really speechless to what advice you, because his excuse: 'You are not Tunisian' that is total nonsense. So many Tunisian men marry non-Tunisian ladies for love, so many marry them for material things.
My husband is Tunisian and I am European, his family has welcomed me with open arms. Not even a single member of the family have looked at me or treated me in any different way. They have even commented that as a person I behave way better then a Tunisian girl.Our engagement and wedding was planned in a traditional Tunisian way. My husband paid for everything, the way it is supposed to be in Tunisia.
Have you spoken properly with him?Why is he then with you for so many years if he is not planning to marry you?

It's hard for me to say these words, but Bratinella, if he is not giving you clear answers, then...........his family has already found him a girl to marry when he comes back with his earned money,and he is just using you to keep him company:(
 

bratinella

New Member
#7
thank you saule for the advice, thats what i think also, but why he do this to me, he let me fall for him and he stay to me for almost 6years, and he said his parents mind is close. for them they dont like their family mix with other nationality, its hard to accept. and for me its not acceptable reason. really i dont know wat to do now. am out if my mind everytime i cry a lot. i dont know how i wills stat again with my life. thank you.
 

Saule

Active Member
#8
thank you saule for the advice, thats what i think also, but why he do this to me, he let me fall for him and he stay to me for almost 6years, and he said his parents mind is close. for them they dont like their family mix with other nationality, its hard to accept. and for me its not acceptable reason. really i dont know wat to do now. am out if my mind everytime i cry a lot. i dont know how i wills stat again with my life. thank you.

Bratinella,

I hope he hasn't used you for your feelings, heart. But all the signs indicates that. If he knows that his parents are 'closed mind' then he shouldn't ever gotten with you and spend all these years with you together and made you feel that you are the one. A lot of Tunisians are modern these days, and not that strict, my husband's family is very religious but so many of their son's has married a European lady and they are living in Europe. Families are very important to them, but they are happy for their son's to leave Tunisia and have better life.
Please have a look at the website : tunisianloverats.com for all the signs to look out, feel free to register to share your story, you will receive a lot of support in there.
Hugs to you!;)
 

bratinella

New Member
#9
thank you again saule, he said to me, before he ask them , they dont accept me, he think mybe in years they will change their mind but until now they did not change, so he tell me i dont like to lose my family specially his mother, i am.too much hurt about this, for me also family is important but why they dont let their son be happy. i just dont understand why some parents still like that if his son will marry other nationality something will happen to them or to his family, i think they think about me i am virus to that will enter to their family, am so hurt. my heart is bleeding to death. merci saule.
 

Saule

Active Member
#10
thank you again saule, he said to me, before he ask them , they dont accept me, he think mybe in years they will change their mind but until now they did not change, so he tell me i dont like to lose my family specially his mother, i am.too much hurt about this, for me also family is important but why they dont let their son be happy. i just dont understand why some parents still like that if his son will marry other nationality something will happen to them or to his family, i think they think about me i am virus to that will enter to their family, am so hurt. my heart is bleeding to death. merci saule.
Then he has chosen his family over you, sorry.....:( 6years is a long time to still not accept it, and they may never......It's their mentality that doesn't accept it and the fact that their are Muslim, in the religion it is haram (sin) for the two of you living as a couple and not being married.
Save yourself more heartache and leave him, I don't want to brain wash you and tell you what to do but you can see this is not going anywhere......
Now is the time for you to start fresh, you young and beautiful and you have your whole life ahead. Don't throw it away, go out there, meet your friends, do activities and most important look after your health., no men is worth the pain!
 

bratinella

New Member
#11
thank you again saule, u know here in dubai i converted muslim, not because his my bf, because of my bestfriend she encourage me what muslim religion is. i was enlighten and all the imam here answer to all my question about the muslim religion. and when he know i convert, he is too much happy about it. but yes u are correct, some family have their own mentality that no other nationality can mix their family. i wish someday that one day they can accept me, and should be happy what their son decision in life. merci
 

Saule

Active Member
#12
thank you again saule, u know here in dubai i converted muslim, not because his my bf, because of my bestfriend she encourage me what muslim religion is. i was enlighten and all the imam here answer to all my question about the muslim religion. and when he know i convert, he is too much happy about it. but yes u are correct, some family have their own mentality that no other nationality can mix their family. i wish someday that one day they can accept me, and should be happy what their son decision in life. merci
It enlightens every muslim man when his lady converts too, so if you converted and his family is still not accepting then there is deeper problem why they do not accept you.
Im not giving you a lesson, but as a muslim girl you should know that it is a sin for two muslim to live unmarried...;)
 

bratinella

New Member
#13
yes saule, i know that thats why i ask him, i dont like to like to make haram and live with you without marriage, and then he open up about that, and when hearing that my world is about to explode, i dont feel anything only hurt inside i feel somebody stabbing my heart to death. really saule, i give half of my life to him, everytime am always there to support him, taking care of him like a wowan do to his man, but what i can do now, he need to choose between me and his family.
 

Saule

Active Member
#14
yes saule, i know that thats why i ask him, i dont like to like to make haram and live with you without marriage, and then he open up about that, and when hearing that my world is about to explode, i dont feel anything only hurt inside i feel somebody stabbing my heart to death. really saule, i give half of my life to him, everytime am always there to support him, taking care of him like a wowan do to his man, but what i can do now, he need to choose between me and his family.
This is the best description of the women that they want in their lives! And he is choosing his family over you...:(

You have indeed spent many years with him, and he is not giving you nothing in return.Bratinella don't hurt yourself anymore,time is healer and when you will realize that he has used you for his own needs, you will laugh it off and will see how beautiful life is.Read about Islam more, visit the mosque and speak to the Immam (he is there to listen to you and guide you).
 

bratinella

New Member
#15
thank u so much saule, i feel little bit better, as u know my family is not here in dubai thsy are far away from some of my friends are busy of work like me. thats why i dont know where i can get strenght in my situantion now. thank you again, i wish u all the best and aslo to youre family, i hope i can visit tunisia one day.
 

Saule

Active Member
#16
thank u so much saule, i feel little bit better, as u know my family is not here in dubai thsy are far away from some of my friends are busy of work like me. thats why i dont know where i can get strenght in my situantion now. thank you again, i wish u all the best and aslo to youre family, i hope i can visit tunisia one day.
Take it day by day, work will help to take away your mind of the pain you feel right now and try to meet your friends as soon as possible. Im sure they will be there for you any time of the day.....
 

bratinella

New Member
#17
thank you saule, for the time and understanding me i know ure miles away and we dont even know each other, but i will treasure ure advice. once again saule thank you, merci
 

Saule

Active Member
#18
thank you saule, for the time and understanding me i know ure miles away and we dont even know each other, but i will treasure ure advice. once again saule thank you, merci
;)
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#19
I think a lot of us understand you bratinella and our hearts go out to you as we can guess what you are going through. Saule has summed up the situation perfectly but don't hesitate to come here if you want further encouragement and support.
 

bratinella

New Member
#20
thank you, Aslemma, i really appreciate it. u all guys here are very nice and supportive specially when girl has a heart or other problems, this what we called sisters, even we are race from diffrent places or country but inside our hearts we are all in one. thank you very much.
 
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