Older women married to younger Tunisian men

Essem

Moderator
Staff member
Why do you think this happens Coyote?
 

sb123

New Member
Hi Essem

So sorry to hear this sad story and not sure what i want to add but feel really sad about it. I have read alot about islam and my husband is also a practicing muslim and has been for many years and this has never come between us.My hubby would be overjoyed if i wanted to convert but only if it was my desire. I have had a sitting with a imam from the mosque and found it to be a very interesting meeting covering many of my queries with surprising openess. I do not foresee myself ever converting but value all the information i gained from this meeting and the reading i have done over the years.My heart goes out to this lady and send all my best wishes to her.

Regards sb123
 

Mohamed Arbi

New Member
Married to younger Tunisian Men

Hi all

I hope everyone has enjoyed what tunisia has to offer as a country from its people to the the beauty of its nature.

If we can start initially to point that a relationship evolving two individuals of different age Gap does not necessarily affect the love between them as Love does not have age.

In terms of why tunisian Men will generally settle down with an older foreigner is simply that they are mature enough to build a family and of course ready get married.

Usually tunisian Ladies at younger age will be mature enough so there would not be an age Gap and this issue wil not be to light.

But as most have pointed in previous postings you have to be careful to who you are with as in any relationship you encounter in your romantic life.

Coyote you have mentioned some tunisian guys and girls throwing themselves to a foreigner as long they buy them dinner and take them out for the night,
this is true but you are seing this in a holiday resort like any other place say spain ibiza cyrus... or even in england as gold diggers ( commonly seing this with Footballers wives)


I only want to advise people to see tunisia in general in particular tunis as its the main location where tunisian are based, no beach no tourists well a few anyway so the mentality will be different

concluding with the story where a man has left his wife because of his islam:
Sparkle: No matter how strong the love is ,your family or wife will not take you to paradise so therefore its underestandable he left here

However I am not agreeing with him as things could have been worked out between each others in terms of respect and rules ...

In a muslim house the man need to be muslim so a lady marring a non muslim her partner need to convert where is a man marrying a female the lady doesnt however she has to be a person from the religious book Ie christian catholic jewish

Again I personally think guys look for someone mature easy going affectionate caring to live with and love does not have a nationality or race or age
so this myth about an innocent muslim girl is a fantasy as no one is innocent
People change and god take that to consideration who ever you are

Religion exceeds everything in life as its a way of living and we are only here in this earth to serve god and to be tested

I hope I gave as much information to the users of the site and of course this is just an opinion
 

pej

New Member
Coyote said:
In this regard, quite a few muslims, especially when they are not living amongst their "brothers", will, at one point in their lifes, correct their "wrong" behaviour and start praying, longing for an ideal marriage (with an inncocent born muslima), .


Coyote, I do not necessarily agree that even those who start practicing their religion later in life will want an "innocent born muslima" and that is also not required in Islam, as you stated a woman who marries a Muslim man does not even need to be a Muslima herself. Did you mean that you perhaps personally think that those who want to start over want an innocent wife, in spite of their own possibly not-so-innocent past, in order to feel they start anew? Perhaps in an attempt to "wipe the slate clean" even if of course it's not one persons fault if a marriage is not going well so even a marriage with an innocent Muslima might not turn out to be "ideal".

Some might instead want to change their spouse who might not share their religion at all and I do agree there could be a problem as stated in an earlier post when someone who has not been religious suddenly decides to practice their religion (although I do always wonder about that suddenness, probably it has been thought over by that person for some time but they have for some reason not thought of informing their spouse until the decision has been made) and also expect the other person to conform, especially if they are not even of the same religion. I think that those persons need to bear in mind that religion is personal and that if they want their spouse to take an interest, they need to set a good example and not set up rules. Covering up, as was mentioned, should indeed always be a personal choice and covering up in Muslim clothing if you are not even a Muslim?? Well, possibly in Saudi Arabia where the law requires it, otherwise you would be passing yourself of for something that you are not, I beleive.
 

ammoun

Active Member
Sparkle: No matter how strong the love is ,your family or wife will not take you to paradise so therefore its underestandable he left here

Well treatment of his wife is also capable of getting him into paradise as well ... Islam is as flexible as how strict, extremists and media try to show it ;)
 

Tounsia

Well-Known Member
Alot of people just like to mix and match with islam, pick at the points they think will benefit them. For a man to force his wife to cover up etc is against islam, you're supposed to do it from the heart not for other people to tell you what to do.
A big part of islam, as a muslim husband, is to treat ur wife like a queen, if the wife asks for something then the husband has to abide by this.

The case that was discussed earlier, i do feel for the lady, but its down to the individual not islam itself.
 

sylviachoudry

Active Member
my friend has an apartment in hammamet she has been with this man for yrs, he was a bad lot from the start, ran off with her money went to germany then came crying back, she got him to englandhe stayed 2 weekthen went back to germany,we told her that we were sure he had married a german,but she did not care she went to germany he took her to a crap hotel and left her there,still went to tunisia when he went back, she pay for his ticket,she has been in hammamet 2yr now and give his family money ,she got a shop for him ,he got fed up of it and gave it to his sister, she bought a flock of 50 sheep last yr,now is family have the profits,thay were getting marriedthen he went back germany, came back,found islam cant marry her as shes not belivinghe comes to her house eats and as she says sits in bed reading the qaran, goes away next morning after getting money of her,she belives him ,he banned my hubby from the house as slim was telling her not to trust him that if he was praying and had found islam again he would not cheat or sleep at her house, easy way to get out of marrage to her but keep all the perks,b******
 

feefad

Well-Known Member
hi Sylvia, wow is all i can say. i suppose all you can do is continue to be the friend that you are to her and hope that one day she will wake up to what he is doing to her. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, but if she doesn't believe even after all that that he is doing any wrong then I'm not sure how you can help her to see this.
 

kattykat

Active Member
Sylvia I really hope everything works out for your friend.. It's hard when you love someone that much but this is really bad behaviour she really should not put up with it! She needs to find a decent well educated man who will help her to get over him.. or stay alone for a while to get herself back on track..
 

Tounsia

Well-Known Member
Thats really bad, i hope your friend comes to her senses soon.
Your hubz is right, if he was really islamic then he wouldnt be in her bed and more importantly he wouldnt be taking money off her.
 

sylviachoudry

Active Member
im there with slim in oct ,just hope hes not had all her cash,she got a large sum when her sister died,60k another friend has been out a few week ago and says hes had her at the bank taking out money to get land,we worry he will get it all then dump her with nothing,slims going to ask around in oct see if we can find out what this holy man is realy up to .
 

sylviachoudry

Active Member
lozza,dont get things bad by worry,go with the flow, if he loves u he will be there for u , age is not importent at all, its how u feel when ur together, not what people think or say ,that is whats in our minds im old hes young should not be together, WHY NOT,if ur in love and so is he it will work if u gie it a chance to work,i got over that bit dont give a dam now ,lifes to short get all the loving u can befor its to late,
 
M

mand336

Guest
Hindsight is such a wonderful thing!
If only I had listened to my family and friends over past mistakes!

Problem is.. you can give advice but it doesnt mean it will be taken. People learn from their mistakes.

What is important is, to carry on being a friend, listening, empathising and then if necessary picking up the pieces.

Men may come and go but true friends are for life!!
 
M

MEMO43

Guest
Sylvia I hope so much that you are able to open your friends eyes before it's too late to help. This is pushing the love is blind saying to its absolute limit. My best wishes to her x
 

Tounsia

Well-Known Member
Coyote said:
You say it as if this is an unquestioned rule - but it isn't. From my experience, islam is not really the big wall that one must surpass anyway (I am certain that there are less strict and hyper-strict Tunisians in Tunisia than there are strict Tunisians in Europe), it is general, local and special traditions which give, along with knowledge of the islam (in many cases half-knowledge) a very interesting mix that can twist the mind of any person.

Its an example, when so called religious guys say they want to become more religious but pick at the points of islam thats an advantage to them, thats the point I was trying to get across
 
B

bina

Guest
It takes a lifetime for someone to learn how important religion is in one's life. I am a muslim woman who didn't practice for years and then at some point 5 years ago It all came together for me. I am married to a non practicing Tunisian man. One thing you have to understand is that it took you years to come to your own realization. You have to advise with love and understanding. Because you only want the best for the one that you love. For most things we don't take the time to explain such things, perhaps because we are ignorant of some of the answers... Things don't change overnight and one thing to keep in mind is that marriage is a very important thing in Islam. You have to fight for it tooth and nail. There are a million trials that come in life but facing them together is the challenge.
 

feefad

Well-Known Member
I think that is very well said bina. I think religion is something that alot of people take for granted, being born into it and brought up with it. I think for alot of people it is only later in life, when they maybe start to marry and think of having a family that it becomes more important for them. I know that it's something my husband and I have discussed alot more and thought about recently than we would have done in the past.
 

kattykat

Active Member
My now ex boyfriend was always been quite religious but didnt practice that much when i met him.. He deceided recently to practice more which is fine. However is is difficult to be involved with someone who does practice more because things change alot. You either need to be respectful to it or not. I know personally I would have excepted whatever he wanted to do however things can become difficult. How ever excepting you are if you have been raised in a completely different way then it may cause problems. You need to prepared to live your life in a different way because as a practising muslim that is what is expected of u. All it needs is a bit of research into it... If you are not prepared to change the way you go about things then it's really bad to say but in the long run it will not work... This applys to those with partners who are quite reglious and practice the correct way of the Quran...
 

feefad

Well-Known Member
Hi Kattykat, it does apply to those with partners who are quite religiious but i think it applies to everyone. At some point in life some of these guys are going to treat their religion more seriously and it's something that everyone should be aware of when entering into a relationship. My husband was not particularly religious although his family are. I think that was all to do with his working environment, etc, but I have found that recently we have been having alot more discussions about religion and he is considering his actions more. I'm not sure if it's because we're just getting older and settling down, or if it's something to do with him living here.
I think it does all go back to the thing of not entering into a relationship without discussing the future possibilities and as you say doing a little self research.
 

kattykat

Active Member
Feefad it's so true at the end of the day it's all about respect but that obviously works both ways. I actually found it quite interesting to learn about the Muslim religion as although back in the day at school we were taught about all different kinds of religion it was a very long time ago..lol! It has i think made me alot more respectful of my friends here that are Muslim and those in Tunisia!
 
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