Real love?? Please help

Emme

Member
#61
The best advice I can give is to take it slowly, as others have said. Things are changing in Tunisia and behaviour which would once been frowned on, such as public displays of affection, are more acceptable, within reason of course, as are invitations to the family home. One thing I find particularly encouraging is that there isn't a big age difference between you, so if he really does want marriage and a family with you there is still plenty of time.

You say he knows that you haven't got a lot of money but you do have to drive that home and discourage requests for gifts, or financial help of any kind. How he reacts to that will give a clear indication of whether he really wants you or what he thinks you can provide. Unfortunately all the sad stories you hear on here and other forums are true, usually because the ladies either didn't see or chose to ignore the warning signs, believing that their man wasn't like that, despite strong evidence to the contrary

Looking ahead, if you do stay together, unless you both want to live in Tunisia (amongst other things it would be difficult for you to find a job there) the cost of getting him to the UK could be a stumbling block. As mentioned you would need an income of £18,000 to start with, then there is the cost of all the paperwork involved for visas etc. What skills could he bring to the UK? There isn't a lot of call for animators here but any skills which could translate into a decent job here, whether IT, engineering, plumbing or even painting and decorating would help the family finances, particularly if you have children.

You both have a lot to think about and discuss and I'm sure we all wish you every happiness. Even those of us who perhaps appear the most negative have only got your interests at heart and don't want you to fall into the trap which far too many others have done.

Statistics show that many marriages fail even where the couple concerned are from the same background and level of education but it does obviously load the dice when there are so many cultural differences. To end on a positive note, I personally know a few couples who have happy and long-standing mariages so it can work out with a mixture of true love, commitment and compromise.
Thank u so much for advice and kind words means a lot as I feel I'm doubting him purely on other peoples experiences and my paranoia . Although to some people it's a small gesture he paid for dinner a few times bought small gifts writes me poems etc I'm not basing everything on that but he really is kind yes there's just a few years between us . We have such a laugh together we both break our hearts when I'm leaving it's awful .hes constantly telling me I'm amazing kissing me and telling me he loves me yes I told him I don't have money and he doesn't ask now his reply was don't be sorry it's not important . He's said he wants a baby with me that he respects me and wants marriage xxx
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#62
Emme...I don't think you actually wanted any advise from any of us, you just wanted confirmation that you were being silly to have any doubts.....

Relationships with Tunisian men CAN work...I've been married to a Tunisian for 3 years now as have quite a few of our members, so no they aren't all bad....but I've got to be honest, the majority are!!

You've said quite a few things on here and when questioned you've not come back with an answer. For example, you've given him money? Why? He works? Do you think that's acceptable? Why is it your concern who in his family is getting married? Your relationship right now is via Skype....and you base your ' love' for one another on this?

He's an animator, (my husband was too before we met and he was younger), yet he's been married, gone to Holland and returned back to Tunisia? Hmmmm, not sold on that story. Also how has he managed to have such a nice home and such a 'good job' having been an animator?

Finally, it seems very strange to me that a man who used to work as an animator, married, left his country, returned to his country would resume his 'old' career....not unless he was on the hunt again to be blunt.

People here have your best interests at heart, myself included, I hate to sound all doom and gloom but this to me just doesn't add up. I think his FB profile page should be the least of your worries. Xx
 

Emme

Member
#63
Emme...I don't think you actually wanted any advise from any of us, you just wanted confirmation that you were being silly to have any doubts.....

Relationships with Tunisian men CAN work...I've been married to a Tunisian for 3 years now as have quite a few of our members, so no they aren't all bad....but I've got to be honest, the majority are!!

You've said quite a few things on here and when questioned you've not come back with an answer. For example, you've given him money? Why? He works? Do you think that's acceptable? Why is it your concern who in his family is getting married? Your relationship right now is via Skype....and you base your ' love' for one another on this?

He's an animator, (my husband was too before we met and he was younger), yet he's been married, gone to Holland and returned back to Tunisia? Hmmmm, not sold on that story. Also how has he managed to have such a nice home and such a 'good job' having been an animator?

Finally, it seems very strange to me that a man who used to work as an animator, married, left his country, returned to his country would resume his 'old' career....not unless he was on the hunt again to be blunt.

People here have your best interests at heart, myself included, I hate to sound all doom and gloom but this to me just doesn't add up. I think his FB profile page should be the least of your worries. Xx
Yeah it's not just through skype been there 4 times this year and not atal I value your opinion so thank u . I just don't want jump to conclusions just yet but yes I gave him small amount of money to get things like deodorant towels boxers etc he sends his money to his mum as his dad died when he was younger so his mum has no income but that was it. Yes he was def married to a dutch girl he said he was madly in love and she cheated on him he also said that everyone said are u crazy going back to tunisia ur in holland but it was too expensive think both their earnings combined provided for everything . He was manager of a hotel he's very smart ESP for his age . Yes he's in animation he's in turkey at the moment working he hates working in animation he tells me everyday but it's all he's ever done he speaks 6 different lang and like I said is smart xx
 

mrsmannai

Well-Known Member
#64
Thank u so much for advice and kind words means a lot as I feel I'm doubting him purely on other peoples experiences and my paranoia . Although to some people it's a small gesture he paid for dinner a few times bought small gifts writes me poems etc I'm not basing everything on that but he really is kind yes there's just a few years between us . We have such a laugh together we both break our hearts when I'm leaving it's awful .hes constantly telling me I'm amazing kissing me and telling me he loves me yes I told him I don't have money and he doesn't ask now his reply was don't be sorry it's not important . He's said he wants a baby with me that he respects me and wants marriage xxx
salaam :) just wanna say, that no, noone looks this as a small gesture, its normal in Tunisia that the man pay for his woman. no man in Tunisia should get married without being the one pay for all the wedding. and no man in Tunisia would ever ask a woman for money. it is even in the law of tunisia, that the man must be able to provide for his wife, and family. so the fact he pay for dinner, he should!!
so this is just normal.. and no man should go from these rules by upbringing, just cuz u r not tunisian woman. i tink it is so easy for western womans to think that they have more, so it is ok to pay for everything. just something to think about......
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#65
On a slight note of encouragement, providing he has a good working knowledge of languages this could be a help in finding work in the UK, particularly when so many organisations such as hospitals, courts and police are always in need of translators. I must stress though that it needs to be a proper knowledge, as many Tunisians can speak a variety of languages fluently but are totally unable to read or write in any of them.

I would be concerned if he is the sole support for his mother as that would be likely to remain the case if you married. I truly admire the sense of responsibility Tunisians have for their parents but this can put a serious strain on their immediate family of wife and children and does need to be talked through as to how much financial support is feasible, let alone acceptable when a man has a wife and children of his own.
 

Emme

Member
#66
salaam :) just wanna say, that no, noone looks this as a small gesture, its normal in Tunisia that the man pay for his woman. no man in Tunisia should get married without being the one pay for all the wedding. and no man in Tunisia would ever ask a woman for money. it is even in the law of tunisia, that the man must be able to provide for his wife, and family. so the fact he pay for dinner, he should!!
so this is just normal.. and no man should go from these rules by upbringing, just cuz u r not tunisian woman. i tink it is so easy for western womans to think that they have more, so it is ok to pay for everything. just something to think about......
Hello thank u yes I understand he doesn't have any money normally as he sends his salary back to his mother and sister. He said he didn't want me to make a big deal him paying for dinner he wanted to do it because he never had . Do u think he doesn't respect me by letting me get dinner etc
 

Emme

Member
#67
On a slight note of encouragement, providing he has a good working knowledge of languages this could be a help in finding work in the UK, particularly when so many organisations such as hospitals, courts and police are always in need of translators. I must stress though that it needs to be a proper knowledge, as many Tunisians can speak a variety of languages fluently but are totally unable to read or write in any of them.

I would be concerned if he is the sole support for his mother as that would be likely to remain the case if you married. I truly admire the sense of responsibility Tunisians have for their parents but this can put a serious strain on their immediate family of wife and children and does need to be talked through as to how much financial support is feasible, let alone acceptable when a man has a wife and children of his own.
Hello thank u for your words yes I've alwYs thought it's lovely he looks after his mum and to be honest it doesn't concern me but like u say when the day comes for marriage and children we will obviously have to look at our finances . Yes he's very good at all languages and reading and writing very good ! This thing where he won't put a photo of me on his Facebook is my concern tho ESP when he asked me before if he could put some on . He leaves comments on my page me on his etc xx
 

mrsmannai

Well-Known Member
#68
Hello thank u yes I understand he doesn't have any money normally as he sends his salary back to his mother and sister. He said he didn't want me to make a big deal him paying for dinner he wanted to do it because he never had . Do u think he doesn't respect me by letting me get dinner etc
salaam Emme :) i will not say he do not respect you, i was just pointing out to you my dear, what is the norms in the tunisian society. it is also a socirty in changing, so you will actually find womans that earn more money tan their husbands, and pays equaly, no rules without exception, here a severywhere else. but still remember, islam is not just a religion , but also a way of life, and as said b4, i was just pointing out to you what is still the normal. you r the one with him, noone can feel what u feel, we simply just try to get you aware of different things can happen... but i trust you to be wise, the fact tht you share your thinking, shows tht. We can only point out some differnces, but ALWAYS follow YOUR feeling and instinct. use some time, and ask questions, noone r to stupid to be asked.. .. and true love, real love, they do handle the difficult, akward questions. and will not give a quilty feelin back to the one asking..it is important to a man to feel like a man, and tunisian r no different. i react to the line where u said :He said he didn't want me to make a big deal him paying for dinner he wanted to do it because he never had . "but ofcorse i dont know how much fuzz u made abt it..in my ears , it sounds like he wanna make sure u remember tht time he did it..and without saying wants credit for it.. just you my dear remember, in tunisia, a man, if he wanna have a woman, he pay..and if u stick with it, u will see how is it. remember the amount you pay for a ticket back and forth, food, hotel, gifts etc....so use your common sence, but make sure the hheart n mind speaks the same language :)
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#69
Yeah it's not just through skype been there 4 times this year and not atal I value your opinion so thank u . I just don't want jump to conclusions just yet but yes I gave him small amount of money to get things like deodorant towels boxers etc he sends his money to his mum as his dad died when he was younger so his mum has no income but that was it. Yes he was def married to a dutch girl he said he was madly in love and she cheated on him he also said that everyone said are u crazy going back to tunisia ur in holland but it was too expensive think both their earnings combined provided for everything . He was manager of a hotel he's very smart ESP for his age . Yes he's in animation he's in turkey at the moment working he hates working in animation he tells me everyday but it's all he's ever done he speaks 6 different lang and like I said is smart xx
He was a manager of a hotel!! Yet he's gone back to Animation?

However, I'm bowing out...the fact you're talking about when you marry and have kids just confirms you've no real interest in advise. All I say is if you don't meet the earnings threshold which I think you've said you don't, you'd need to uproot yourself and any children you have....whilst you have choices, your child doesn't!
 

Emme

Member
#70
salaam Emme :) i will not say he do not respect you, i was just pointing out to you my dear, what is the norms in the tunisian society. it is also a socirty in changing, so you will actually find womans that earn more money tan their husbands, and pays equaly, no rules without exception, here a severywhere else. but still remember, islam is not just a religion , but also a way of life, and as said b4, i was just pointing out to you what is still the normal. you r the one with him, noone can feel what u feel, we simply just try to get you aware of different things can happen... but i trust you to be wise, the fact tht you share your thinking, shows tht. We can only point out some differnces, but ALWAYS follow YOUR feeling and instinct. use some time, and ask questions, noone r to stupid to be asked.. .. and true love, real love, they do handle the difficult, akward questions. and will not give a quilty feelin back to the one asking..it is important to a man to feel like a man, and tunisian r no different. i react to the line where u said :He said he didn't want me to make a big deal him paying for dinner he wanted to do it because he never had . "but ofcorse i dont know how much fuzz u made abt it..in my ears , it sounds like he wanna make sure u remember tht time he did it..and without saying wants credit for it.. just you my dear remember, in tunisia, a man, if he wanna have a woman, he pay..and if u stick with it, u will see how is it. remember the amount you pay for a ticket back and forth, food, hotel, gifts etc....so use your common sence, but make sure the hheart n mind speaks the same language :)
Hello thank u for ur words no I didn't make a big deal I just didn't expect it that's all and was ready to get it and he said no please let me . I love him very much he makes me so happy and when I'm with him he's so lovely to me so affectionate and loving always looking out for me. He is jealous if any man talks to me etc but he knows I'm not that type of girl
 

bubbles

Active Member
#71
Thanks Hun it just gets frustrating when everyone thinks that he's like the rest as he really isn't I can't stress that enough like I said it's the Facebook thing which yes is a big deal for me . The way he is with me kissing me my forehead telling me he loves me the nice gestures he's alway affectionate first there's so many good things . He knows I've no money so I know he's not with me for that I think he just asked that in regards to sisters wedding to see if I could help . He's just amazing with my little girl too xxx
Your welcome hun and I do get exactly what your saying he couldn't possibly be like the rest and you maybe right however from ladies who have had some experiences with tunisian men and their culture those few little things that you think are not a big deal in fact are to these men. The point of asking for money however small tunisian would never ask his partner wife for money he would need to provide when you say he know
 

bubbles

Active Member
#72
I just wanted to say I'm not against tunisian men I am in fact married to 1 for over 3 years now and very happy must admit he wasn't perfect at first! But we great now wish you luck whatever happens x
 

Emme

Member
#73
Your welcome hun and I do get exactly what your saying he couldn't possibly be like the rest and you maybe right however from ladies who have had some experiences with tunisian men and their culture those few little things that you think are not a big deal in fact are to these men. The point of asking for money however small tunisian would never ask his partner wife for money he would need to provide when you say he know
He always asks me why I don't ask him for anything that I can ask him anything I asked him to get me a belly dancing scarf for my daughter and I'd pay for it but he got it himself he got me a necklace with my initial on it balloons with I love u a poem and few other things that are very special to me . I think because he is responsible for paying for his sisters wedding well helping a lot he is panicking as she wants to marry in September and he mentioned could I help I said no and that was it he didn't question or beg haven't heard another word about it
 

Emme

Member
#74
That's lovely n
I just wanted to say I'm not against tunisian men I am in fact married to 1 for over 3 years now and very happy must admit he wasn't perfect at first! But we great now wish you luck whatever happens x
rhats lovely news very happy for u hope it goes the same for me he was born in Italy and moved to tunisia with his family . So hard leaving every time I go it's horrible
 

bubbles

Active Member
#75
He always asks me why I don't ask him for anything that I can ask him anything I asked him to get me a belly dancing scarf for my daughter and I'd pay for it but he got it himself he got me a necklace with my initial on it balloons with I love u a poem and few other things that are very special to me . I think because he is responsible for paying for his sisters wedding well helping a lot he is panicking as she wants to marry in September and he mentioned could I help I said no and that was it he didn't question or beg haven't heard another word about it
That's cute Only time will tell hun, take it slow and each day that comes and see how it goes just take it at your pace no need to rush I hope it works out xx
 

Emme

Member
#76
Ok
He was a manager of a hotel!! Yet he's gone back to Animation?

However, I'm bowing out...the fact you're talking about when you marry and have kids just confirms you've no real interest in advise. All I say is if you don't meet the earnings threshold which I think you've said you don't, you'd need to uproot yourself and any children you have....whilst you have choices, your child doesn't!
Ok thank u
 

bubbles

Active Member
#77
That's lovely n

rhats lovely news very happy for u hope it goes the same for me he was born in Italy and moved to tunisia with his family . So hard leaving every time I go it's horrible
Thanks hun I hope same for you:) he shouldn't then have a problem if born in Italy as in visa Mayb should try to visit you? I remember leaving eachtime wasn't nice at all and now can't get rid lol only messing love his company although he's been sleeping on sofa for past hour! Xx
 

Emme

Member
#78
Aww
Thanks hun I hope same for you:) he shouldn't then have a problem if born in Italy as in visa Mayb should try to visit you? I remember leaving eachtime wasn't nice at all and now can't get rid lol only messing love his company although he's been sleeping on sofa for past hour! Xx
I'd give anything for mine to be sleeping on my sofa :( feel so lucky to have met him he really is so lovely just the Facebook thing has confused me. Yeah he was born in Italy but has tunisian passport and nationality can I ask was it difficult to get ur man here xx
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#79
Just to add HE wouldn't be responsible for paying for his sisters wedding I'm sure.. Her fiancé would be, am I right on that?
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#80
Aww

I'd give anything for mine to be sleeping on my sofa :( feel so lucky to have met him he really is so lovely just the Facebook thing has confused me. Yeah he was born in Italy but has tunisian passport and nationality can I ask was it difficult to get ur man here xx
Why doesn't he have an Italian passport as well?
 
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