Tunisia has the highest divorce rate

June

Active Member
#21
Well Scottochott I'm glad in a way you said it cause if I was to say what you have I'd have the whole forum group saying that I'm selfish or jealous or must be going through a bad relationship when 15yrs later I'm still married and understand what their about! Probably 70per cent of the time! I got my fair share from scotty_bambam for being honest! And I will continue to comment about my feelings towards a relationship if I feel somethings not quite right.
 

Shazza100

Active Member
#22
I'm going to try to be a bit positive for you, it's a completely different culture BUT if his behaviour is making you feel unhappy you should explain it to him. it's difficult if you are working different shifts. He probably was desperate to fit in and make friends. It's no excuse because he should want to spend time with you but sounds like he is being a little immature. Explain how you feel...sometimes it needs to be spelt out.
 

Rosewater

Active Member
#25
I doubt he's changed at all, you're simply seeing his true colours now he's got his visa to be here. If this is after 5 weeks, I dread to think what's coming your way.
That's what came to my mind when i read i first her statment!!!
 
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Moonsky

Member
#26
Yes your description of the men/ boys being treated like little princes I can totally relate to.my husband had only been here 5 weeks and acts like he's single.he said "all my life my mother didn't tell me what to do,so you can't control me", this in response to me saying i wanted us to spend the evening together,as due to work we hardly see each other.

Cultural differences or not - you are worth far more consideration - move on maybe??
 

Jane BM

Well-Known Member
#27
Sorry to hear this Scotty after just 5 weeks of him being here and considering the amount of work that was involved in getting him here in the first place.

Time to seriously sit down and explain each other's wants, needs and expectations...because otherwise this isn't going to last 5 minutes. X
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#28
Scotty it's all so very common I'm afraid to say. Boring I know but I always say the same thing, but usually not this quick!! Write down all the positive things he is bringing to your relationship and all the negative things. Think of your life as a story you are reading or a best friend is telling you. Your first instinct should be what you need to do.

It is so devastating when all your hard work and energy sweat and tears to get your spouse here has all been a game for them. As much as you want to believe the good in them sometimes it's just not there. That big thing out there called internet gives them access to groups in the areas where you live. He may have been getting advice, making friends before he even came here.

You must talk to him today and tell him what you both need to compromise on or I'm afraid it's doomed.

Good luck x
 

Aslemma

Well-Known Member
#29
At least it would seem he's not particularly religious or he would not be working in a pub. Some years ago I had a young Egyptian lodger who explained that as a moslem not only was he not allowed to drink, but should not be anywhere alcohol was being drunk.
 
#30
I'm sorry to hear this. As I've understood, you two are already in uk?

Try to have a talk and explain him patiently your needs and expectations. I really hope it works.
 

scotty_bambam

Well-Known Member
#31
Thanks everybody. Seems he's paranoid about being "controlled" and finds my expectations restrictive.he's under the influence of a Tunisian in Birmingham when I pointed that out to him.he got very angry... But..seems to have stopped taking his calls..he's taking me out to dinner tonight..his idea,so I think little bits are filtering through.I'm a natural pessimist,and think if things start bad ,they'll only get worse, but I'll give it time SNC hope I'm wrong.xx
 

Scottochott

Well-Known Member
#33
This may be appropriate image.jpeg
 

Saule

Active Member
#34
Yes your description of the men/ boys being treated like little princes I can totally relate to.my husband had only been here 5 weeks and acts like he's single.he said "all my life my mother didn't tell me what to do,so you can't control me", this in response to me saying i wanted us to spend the evening together,as due to work we hardly see each other.

Scotty,

They may never change,3 years down the line and I am still like the mother to my husband :) I dont give into everything he asks me, because there has to be a limit. But he does say to me 'You dont listen to me at all' LOL :D When he came to UK and it was the first time we lived as husband and wife I made him do the things that he would never do in his life, like hoover the carpets but if you ask him nicely he would do it. Patience is the most important thing being in the marriage with the Tunisian:)
 

Trulymadlydeeply

Well-Known Member
#35
Patience of a saint I might add :p
 

scotty_bambam

Well-Known Member
#36
Scotty,

They may never change,3 years down the line and I am still like the mother to my husband :) I dont give into everything he asks me, because there has to be a limit. But he does say to me 'You dont listen to me at all' LOL :D When he came to UK and it was the first time we lived as husband and wife I made him do the things that he would never do in his life, like hoover the carpets but if you ask him nicely he would do it. Patience is the most important thing being in the marriage with the Tunisian:)
I have to admit I'm not the most patient.I ask nicely a couple of times,"please,why do you use 5 towels in one day I can't keep up with the washing",then I get irritated.last night I said you can do your own washing then.he said I never did and j will not..lol.5 minutes later I was showing him how to use the machine. But I think I'd rather he didn't.he's too impatient if appliances don't instantly obey him.
 

Jasmine

Well-Known Member
#37
He sounds delightful :eek:

Im not one for patience either :D

But he sounds a bit of a diva. If its this rocky so soon in I dont know how you'll fair in the long-run when bigger things come your way.

Is he contributing to the household? Not only financially (as he's working) but also with chores. How is his attitude towards you apart from the stroppy teenager he's coming across as?

I think you need to have a long hard look at what it is YOU are getting from this relationship. Can you see him changing?
I give allowances that its all new for them, they really are out of their comfort zones BUT 5 weeks later and no sign of improvement in behaviour or attitude, nope, sorry, allowances gone.

No matter how much we prepare them verbally before they get here, its a COMPLETE shock. Not helped when you have Tunisian's who brag how much they earn in Europe, the car they drive, the designer clothes - without telling them back home the majority is in finance. :rolleyes:
 

scotty_bambam

Well-Known Member
#38
Let's say I've seen a couple of breaks in the thunder.but very quick to temper.hrs never offered to do any chores.he's changed the bed sheets today,but I did ask him a week ago. And I've bought a second duvet ad I can't break his habit of wrapping himself up like s mummy.x
 

Saule

Active Member
#39
I have to admit I'm not the most patient.I ask nicely a couple of times,"please,why do you use 5 towels in one day I can't keep up with the washing",then I get irritated.last night I said you can do your own washing then.he said I never did and j will not..lol.5 minutes later I was showing him how to use the machine. But I think I'd rather he didn't.he's too impatient if appliances don't instantly obey him.

Even if the patience is important, I do loose mine after sometime. You get fed up of constantly repeating yourself, it's like you hitting your head against the wall :banghead: The description of your husband sounds a bit like mine, there's no common sense:) When you ask something, the questions flow:why,but why.,etc. I knew already how messy he is from Tunisia times, and I was thinking OMG what am I gonna do when he comes here. But I was so surprised and more shocked that he actually does help me a bit with the household chores, he even said himself this would never happen in Tunisia...LOL and he wouldn't tell his friends as they will laugh.
The point Im making here is they are mummy's boys and probably will be all their life even if they live in Europe with a European wife. Their mentality is completely different from ours, they have not been raised in a way that they have to help a women.The way they look it at it is that they are the man of the house and bring money and the rest is for the women to take care.
 

scotty_bambam

Well-Known Member
#40
E
Even if the patience is important, I do loose mine after sometime. You get fed up of constantly repeating yourself, it's like you hitting your head against the wall :banghead: The description of your husband sounds a bit like mine, there's no common sense:) When you ask something, the questions flow:why,but why.,etc. I knew already how messy he is from Tunisia times, and I was thinking OMG what am I gonna do when he comes here. But I was so surprised and more shocked that he actually does help me a bit with the household chores, he even said himself this would never happen in Tunisia...LOL and he wouldn't tell his friends as they will laugh.
The point Im making here is they are mummy's boys and probably will be all their life even if they live in Europe with a European wife. Their mentality is completely different from ours, they have not been raised in a way that they have to help a women.The way they look it at it is that they are the man of the house and bring money and the rest is for the women to take care.
Exactly.. Many seem like clones.when I tell my friend she thinks I'm describing her man.I do a sixty hr week currently.he's on 35 hrs.shifts that change,at the local pub.I get in at 8.15 and just want to eat and be in bed by 10/30. He comes in 10.30/11 and says you cook? Considering he doesn't eat anything I make ,it would be a waste,and I'm just too tired.but he always asks,and always huffs and puffs when i say no.he's not been taught to be considerate,which is very sad.
 
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