Tunisian Romances

[Tunisianbelle]

TB

This wasn't in some remote village either but in Hammam Sousse.

That IS surprising. I would understand if it was somewhere where traditions are more closely guarded (the mountains, the south, the heart of the country), but it is unusual for somewhere so advanced. Is it common practice there or is this more of an isolated inncident?

 

[Mezoo]

This wasn't in some remote village either but in Hammam Sousse.

I would understand if it was somewhere where traditions are more closely guarded (the mountains, the south, the heart of the country), but it is unusual for somewhere so advanced.

I would venture to say that just because a place has/is been/being being "built up" does not say the mores and traditions, seemly, being replaced with "modern" values. Building and modernity in this area are 25 years old at most. Not even one generation has passed even in cosmopolitan Hammam Sousse.

 

[Cathibou]

I would venture to say that just because a place has/is been/being being "built up" does not say the mores and traditions, seemly, being replaced with "modern" values. Building and modernity in this area are 25 years old at most. Not even one generation has passed even in cosmopolitan Hammam Sousse.

I know what you are saying TB but Mezoo I do not like the tone of your posting I feel it was unnecessary to use bold letters it appears you are implying you are taking the pi*s

 

[DebbieZebbes]

I must say....... we mostly all consider it a warning sign that the relationship is not genuine if it includes him asking his woman for money or gifts, but a lot of our mens families demand this all the time. Majdi almost avoids going home now because of the amount of money and gifts he has to take with him, as well as the hassle of shopping! It seems normal to ask anyone not resident in Tunisia, whatever the relationship for money or gifts.

 

[Mezoo]

I know what you are saying TB but Mezoo I do not like the tone of your posting I feel it was unnecessary to use bold letters it appears you are implying you are taking the pi*s

Nope--REALLY sorry no pi*s intended ---Tunisia is not but what, 3 generations past Borgubia and most of us seem to think there is some thinking change has taken place. It has,,,on the surface,,,the Arabic culture has NOT experienced significant generational change here YET, so there is still a majority who believe in these traditions, such as the "red sheet". Even as "we" who move into this country from outside bring part of the change. Cosmopolitan means having a level of sophistication rather than provincial. Except for MAYBE and only MAYBE Tunis area, there is not cosmopolitan. (my opinion)

 

[Cathibou]

Kiwi girl

Hi welcome,
What sort of party time do you anticipate there being in Grombalia ? Has you boyfriend told you about this life there and what he does for entertainment?

 

[Tunisianbelle]

Nope--REALLY sorry no piss intended ---Tunisia is not but what, 3 generations past Borgubia and most of us seem to think there is some thinking change has taken place. It has,,,on the surface,,,the Arabic culture has NOT experienced significant generational change here YET, so there is still a majority who believe in these traditions, such as the "red sheet". Even as "we" who move into this country from outside bring part of the change. Cosmopolitan means having a level of sophistication rather than provincial. Except for MAYBE and only MAYBE Tunis area, there is not cosmopolitan. (my opinion)

Actually the thinking has changed a lot in a lot of different aspects.

• Dating was once unheard of. A bride and groom only got to know each other after the wedding. Then it used to be they could go one chaperoned dates after they became engaged. Gradually things have changed and dating is more common and even accepted now. However, if you look at the differences between the touristic cities (where most people have a more open minded outlook) vs. the inner cities, the South, and the mountain region, you will see the the non-touristic areas still hold fast to the stricter traditions of no dating, or at least not until after the engagement.
• It used to once be okay to marry your daughters off at a very young age. During the generation of my husbands grandma for example, it was normal and legal for girls at the age of 8 to be married. Over the years the age has gradually increased. A woman now has to be at least 20 (or 16 with the permission of her father) to get married. Most women now wait until after they finish their college education to get married. But again, if you go to the regions that are not as financially well off as tourist areas, women mostly get married at a young age.
• Women who smoke used to be a vary rare thing in Tunisia. Then it changed to being women who smoked had a very bad reputation. Now that too is changing and you see more and more women smoking and the bad reputation that goes along with it, is decreasing in the touristic areas.

There are MANY other traditions that have changed with time as well because after Bourguiba implemented the importance of education and health care, people got better understandings of those things. The blood soaked sheet is one. People once thought that seeing blood on a sheet meant that the bride was a virgin. With education, they now know that a woman can be a virgin and still not bleed on her wedding night, and that there are many causes for this.

I am not trying to put down or insult people from any region -my husbands family is from the South where things are still very conservative and traditions are held fast. But, people who live around touristic areas do have a broader sense of the world and are more open minded because they come in contact with people from different countries on a regular basis and have different experiences. I have visited almost the whole of the country and can you that there truly are great differences in thinking from the touristic regions to the other regions.

 

[Tunisianbelle]

He's from Grombalia

Grombalia is known for having wonderful merguez! One of my husbands good friends and his wife are both from there. It is not too far from Tunis. The few people I have met from there are open minded, yet there are still some areas that they tend to be conservative on. I would venture to speculate that his parents would put you in separate rooms while you visit.

We would all love to hear updates from you, and of course we all wish you the best!

 

[beenthere]

1. From women that have experience with Tunisian men...do you think this relationship is genuine?

well I can only share the fact that I am married to a Tunisian for almost 8 years. He sounds quite like yours, we have four children (mashAllah) we got married after two weeks. So while I know a lot of relationships fail, some work out. Just be honest and yourself from the beginning, tell him exactly where you are at in life, what you want from a man, marriage life. Clear it all up now, living children families ect.

2. Is it true women in Tunisia cant go out and do certain social things (like going to Parties and stuff). I'm no party girl but I like going out and having fun.

I go to weddings and family/friends parties. Other than that we (to be honest) do not go out on the town much. The average Tunisian stays home and works. Its not party every weekend and they really won’t respect you much if you do. Not saying you can’t, but you deal with it. My friend and her husband do go out once a week to eat out, so its really between you and your husband.

3. I'm not a girly girl..I grew up being a tomboy I guess because of the New Zealand culture..We love our sports and I do too! I am very laid back and do not complain about much anyway....Do Tunisian men like their girls to be "Girly Girl"??

You could have described me! I would suggest not being so ‘laid back’ in Tunisia (they will walk all over you, the women are not laid back) –advice I need to take myself! Lol- however most women do dress nice and some wear makeup everyday, looking nice is a must for going outside the house.

4. I tend to get along with guys more easier than girls because some girls tend to be very bitchy and I am not like this (I do not men to offend any women here on the discussion board)..But do Tunisian men really get jealous of this???

I’m Muslim, so I do not really have male friends and most Tunisian men who are ‘straight’ won’t want this either. (friends as in hanging out(without my husband) or being in your house alone with you)


6. Do Tunisian men expect foreign women they get with to be Virgins?? I am worried because I have only had one other relationship with a Kiwi boy and it was only brief..
again, depends on your guy.

7. Before deciding to partake in a possible sexual relationship with this guy...do you think a Tunisian guy would get offended if I told him that before ***..we had to get tested?? I was always told by my parents to be aware of this when deciding to have ***.

again your depends on guy.

8. If I do stay with him and his family when I go to Tunisia for a holiday, am I allowed to sleep in the same room as him? Not *** yet but just sleep??
nope, at least not unless your married.

9. Is it true that you cannot show much affection in public when I travel to Tunisia?

yes, no matter what people say, outside the tourist places, it is better to be more reserved and show affection in private. And in the tourist places i would not go beyond holding hands. It is a Muslim country and most people are still very reserved in this area.(sousse) They won’t respect you, that’s all. Someone else may tell you they kissed in public and no one said anything to you, but just because they did not say anything, does not mean they did not think and say something to someone else.

 

[beenthere]

Actually the thinking has changed a lot in a lot of different aspects.

• Dating was once unheard of. A bride and groom only got to know each other after the wedding. Then it used to be they could go one chaperoned dates after they became engaged. Gradually things have changed and dating is more common and even accepted now. However, if you look at the differences between the touristic cities (where most people have a more open minded outlook) vs. the inner cities, the South, and the mountain region, you will see the the non-touristic areas still hold fast to the stricter traditions of no dating, or at least not until after the engagement.
• It used to once be okay to marry your daughters off at a very young age. During the generation of my husbands grandma for example, it was normal and legal for girls at the age of 8 to be married. Over the years the age has gradually increased. A woman now has to be at least 20 (or 16 with the permission of her father) to get married. Most women now wait until after they finish their college education to get married. But again, if you go to the regions that are not as financially well off as tourist areas, women mostly get married at a young age.
• Women who smoke used to be a vary rare thing in Tunisia. Then it changed to being women who smoked had a very bad reputation. Now that too is changing and you see more and more women smoking and the bad reputation that goes along with it, is decreasing in the touristic areas.

There are MANY other traditions that have changed with time as well because after Bourguiba implemented the importance of education and health care, people got better understandings of those things. The blood soaked sheet is one. People once thought that seeing blood on a sheet meant that the bride was a virgin. With education, they now know that a woman can be a virgin and still not bleed on her wedding night, and that there are many causes for this.

I am not trying to put down or insult people from any region -my husbands family is from the South where things are still very conservative and traditions are held fast. But, people who live around touristic areas do have a broader sense of the world and are more open minded because they come in contact with people from different countries on a regular basis and have different experiences. I have visited almost the whole of the country and can you that there truly are great differences in thinking from the touristic regions to the other regions.

lol, my sister in law had the year engagement, they would sit in a room in this house, it would make me so mad because i had to go to the bathroom in my scarf! we are in sousse and people,for the most part, are still very conservative.

 

[beenthere]

oh and i would not settle for anything less than a tunisian women asks for. a house, good job, and most times a car!(this for her husband) oh and gold. and everything that goes in the house, although in my husbands city the men get the house, the women get the stuff to go in it.

 

[beenthere]

I must say....... we mostly all consider it a warning sign that the relationship is not genuine if it includes him asking his woman for money or gifts, but a lot of our mens families demand this all the time. Majdi almost avoids going home now because of the amount of money and gifts he has to take with him, as well as the hassle of shopping! It seems normal to ask anyone not resident in Tunisia, whatever the relationship for money or gifts.

yes, sometimes it does seem money is everything!

 

[beenthere]

Nope--REALLY sorry no piss intended ---Tunisia is not but what, 3 generations past Borgubia and most of us seem to think there is some thinking change has taken place. It has,,,on the surface,,,the Arabic culture has NOT experienced significant generational change here YET, so there is still a majority who believe in these traditions, such as the "red sheet". Even as "we" who move into this country from outside bring part of the change. Cosmopolitan means having a level of sophistication rather than provincial. Except for MAYBE and only MAYBE Tunis area, there is not cosmopolitan. (my opinion)

i agree...

 

[beenthere]

I would like to thank everyone who has provided much valuable information for me!! I guess time will tell and I will take it slowly. I have a whole year of study left so I have told him that I need to concentrate on this first before taking the relationship further. He said he understands because he too studies.
I guess the good sign is that he is not pushy at all and he has not asked me for anything as of yet! Phew. The only thing I gave him was the iPhone for his birthday which he was stoked about! Money seems to be no issue with me but I will definitely be aware if he starts asking for money..I think the thing we most have in common is the fact that we love sports!! Nearly every day we are talking about sports (this is in addition to studies, etc.)!!
I started to get scared about the whole stained sheet thing for a moment there! lol..but I I'm glad to hear the different opinions on this. The whole religion thing I do respect abut I do not think I would take Islam up until I feel absolutely comfortable with it. Regardless of any religion, I want to make sure that I am dedicated to it 100%.
So I guess I am going to have to be aware of the whole Tunisian men jealously thing when I got to Tunisia. With my sister this year after studies. I guess I will have to show my guy that he can trust me. I think this one would be a bit of a test! And in regards to sleeping in the same room a him...depending on the parents wishes..I will definitely respect their decision should I not be allowed to stay within the same room. The same goes for public affection in public. These sort of things I am easy with..I really don't mind if I have to hold back. Like I said before I am really easy going with certain things. But the party scene will be a testy one I think?? He's from Grombalia so I do not know if the people from there are quite modern? If I go on a holiday to Tunisia, I want to be able to go out and have a good time! I don't really drink much at all anyway..its just that after studying for 4 bloody long years..I deserve a break and party time it will be!! Lol..
Anyway, when I go to Tunisia..before I do anything..I will sit down with him and suss things out with him. I will tell him everything and hopefully and he can tell me how he feels. Because chatting online and over phone is much different to chatting in real life! I
I do appreciate all feedback whether negative or positive because this helps me to be aware of the good and bad things out there.
I hope you all have a great day and I will be keeping you updated on this (if you're interested) lol


Kiwi Girl

honestly, outside of a tourist area alcohol will be almost impossible to find and if your guy(name? lol) is straight Muslim(prays)than he won't drink either.

 

[Tunisianbelle]

in my husbands city the men get the house, the women get the stuff to go in it.

From what I've seen, that is the way it is in most parts of the country. My SIL and her sisters and mom did it that way (from Monastir and Zaughouan), my MIL and her sisters did it that way (from Gabes), my friends and the wives of hubbys friends did it that way as well (various cities -Grombalia, Hammam Lif, Bizerte, Kef, Kairouan, Sousse, Djerba, etc).

My poor hubby was the only one who paid for absolutely EVERYTHING! LOL

 

[Mezoo]

Grombalia Location Location Location

He's from Grombalia lol Kiwi Girl

Hi Kiwi, Wish you certainly well with your new friend. All the best.
Great place to be located Groombilia ! ! 40 miles from Tunis, 30 from Hammemmet and Naubel,,,But the sleeper is Cap Bon---

Go to the hot spring at Korbus, the road from Grombilia is toooooooooooo scenic. After Korbus keep going, to Tazoghrane, you'll also see much fruit along this way, and on to El Haouaria at the very end of Cap Bon. The view is breathtaking, nothing like that in Sousse or Hammamet (my opinion), leave there towards Kelibia, Menzel Temine to Korba, cut over there to return to Groimbilia through Beni Khalled and down to Grombalia.

WOW what a trip. We did it some years ago in a long day from Tunis. Bring a camera. !!

 

[Sana]

Hi Kiwigirl

welcome to the forum yes tunisian men are jealous , they don't like to see their wives with other men or going out to parties at night .

tunisian men care about how a woman looks ( but it's not their primarily concern ) they care of inside beauty first

yes tunisian men marry only virgins ( tunisian women) but they don't care if the woman is non-tunisian .

sure u can't stay with him in the same room in his house ( it's an offense) , u can share a room with his mother or his sisters not with him or his brothers .

yes tunisian men don't show affection in the public because people will stare at the couple so u can hold hands or just kiss him in the cheeks .

i wish u all the best in your relationship

 

[Khaled Zaram]

Wedding off

Dear ALl some of you may have rea dmy previous posts and the amount of time i tokk in getting my fiance over here. Well we suceeded but the wedding is well and truly off having lived with him things were totally different and i saw a side of him that i never knew. Possessive, wanted eerything don for him, would not pay towards household bills the list is endless. So things have not worked out how i had hoped i spend well over 12000 in trips over to tunisia/hotels bills for both of us, telephone bills etc etc only to be left with even more bills now he has gone home. Please dont let this happen to you be carefuls ladies. He now has gone back to animation in Royal Kenz in PEK god help anyone. Take care and good luck to all of u. x Karen

 

[crazypink]

Karen, im so sorry to hear things didnt work out. Hope ur ok hun. Take care of urself.
x x x x x x x x x x x

 

[[email protected]]

i'm sorry for this Karen.take care of yourself.
xxx