lovesarrow
Well-Known Member
I'm in Tunisia for 3 weeks - the longest time I have spent over here in one chunk, staying in an apartment with my Tunisian fiance of 3 years. It's a bit rocky as in many ways this is a practice run for life together, and we're even driving around at the weekends looking at where we might like to live in the future. Both our expectations are being tested.
Last night we had a Frank and Open Exchange of Ideas (ie a row/tiff/argument) about money. I feel like a bank at the moment. Every time we settle down for the evening (he's working during the day) and I start to get comfortable, he mentions money. It's either for petrol, or he wants us to go shopping for clothes for "both of us". I'm freelance at the moment and barely scraped together enough money to pay for this trip and he knows this, so I'm finding the constant pestering extremely annoying. (As, to be fair, I would even if I did have money.)
I tried bringing this up with him and his attitude was basically "easy come, easy go". He doesn't "think like that" and if he has money great, and if he doesn't well, c'est la vie. I pointed out 1. that "easy go" doesn't work when there is also no "easy come", and 2. we're talking about MY effing money here!
That was 2 days ago, and I left it there, until last night when just as we were getting comfortable (he has this position when we sit together on the sofa that seems to be his "ask for money" position) he started up again. I told him that I feel like a bank - as we never seem to pass a single day without him asking me for something. He adopted a hurt look and said that he will never ask me for anything again - he "made a decision" and that was that. OK?
We talked a bit more and he said that all relationships involve helping one another, so I pointed out that yes, they do, but OUR relationship involves me helping him and not much coming the other way!
He told me to go on my forum and ask the women here what is "normal" for their relationships, and what I should expect as a UK woman in a relationship with a Tunisian man. Well, personally I believe that each relationship should find its own balance, and I told him so, but I also would like to know what you all think.
Is it normal to be constantly badgered for money, clothes, a "little" gift for an uncle who has lent us his car (that would cost me £40 when currently I earn minimum wage)?
He doesn't buy me anything. He presented me with a rose when I arrived this time, but only because I told him I wanted one. He thinks they are a waste of money. Other people mention little gifts their partner gives them, and although he does pull his weight helping with the cleaning etc, he's as tight as a duck's behind when it comes to spending money on me.
He supposedly paid a portion of the rent for our apartment by taking an advance on his salary, but I only have his word for this. We had originally discussed him putting 250 TD into the kitty for food etc, and I was fine with that since he was contributing what he could, but he now says he spent it (and more) on the extra rent the guy charged us since we moved in mid-week. Again, I only have his word for that and he was very blase about how he would pay back the advance next month, which made me suspicious, since he supposedly needs every penny of his income to keep his family afloat, yet he can suddenly get by on less?
Last night we had a Frank and Open Exchange of Ideas (ie a row/tiff/argument) about money. I feel like a bank at the moment. Every time we settle down for the evening (he's working during the day) and I start to get comfortable, he mentions money. It's either for petrol, or he wants us to go shopping for clothes for "both of us". I'm freelance at the moment and barely scraped together enough money to pay for this trip and he knows this, so I'm finding the constant pestering extremely annoying. (As, to be fair, I would even if I did have money.)
I tried bringing this up with him and his attitude was basically "easy come, easy go". He doesn't "think like that" and if he has money great, and if he doesn't well, c'est la vie. I pointed out 1. that "easy go" doesn't work when there is also no "easy come", and 2. we're talking about MY effing money here!
That was 2 days ago, and I left it there, until last night when just as we were getting comfortable (he has this position when we sit together on the sofa that seems to be his "ask for money" position) he started up again. I told him that I feel like a bank - as we never seem to pass a single day without him asking me for something. He adopted a hurt look and said that he will never ask me for anything again - he "made a decision" and that was that. OK?
We talked a bit more and he said that all relationships involve helping one another, so I pointed out that yes, they do, but OUR relationship involves me helping him and not much coming the other way!
He told me to go on my forum and ask the women here what is "normal" for their relationships, and what I should expect as a UK woman in a relationship with a Tunisian man. Well, personally I believe that each relationship should find its own balance, and I told him so, but I also would like to know what you all think.
Is it normal to be constantly badgered for money, clothes, a "little" gift for an uncle who has lent us his car (that would cost me £40 when currently I earn minimum wage)?
He doesn't buy me anything. He presented me with a rose when I arrived this time, but only because I told him I wanted one. He thinks they are a waste of money. Other people mention little gifts their partner gives them, and although he does pull his weight helping with the cleaning etc, he's as tight as a duck's behind when it comes to spending money on me.
He supposedly paid a portion of the rent for our apartment by taking an advance on his salary, but I only have his word for this. We had originally discussed him putting 250 TD into the kitty for food etc, and I was fine with that since he was contributing what he could, but he now says he spent it (and more) on the extra rent the guy charged us since we moved in mid-week. Again, I only have his word for that and he was very blase about how he would pay back the advance next month, which made me suspicious, since he supposedly needs every penny of his income to keep his family afloat, yet he can suddenly get by on less?